"Don't Date Women With Kids"...

[RaspberryFitted]

Plenty of people of kids that don’t look like them
And kids with personalities not inline with their values
You should be more realistic with ur expectations of having kids

I still have some maturing to do so may look back at your comment and agree with you but present day l’m fine with my expectations being “unrealistic”

 

[Ol’Otis]

But nah, I ain't feeling them like that!

 

[Piff Perkins]

I will never date a woman with kids. I don’t have children so my options are wide open. I’m sure there are terrific single mothers out there but the potential for drama is too high. Between her, her children, and the father there is going to be something that is not worth the headache.

OP kinda alluded to something that bothers me. Single mothers who want to have another child with you. It’s like they want to bind you to them. If I was a single mother I wouldn’t want more children unless it was via marriage. Get married, have a kid…makes sense. But just having another kid with the new dude you’re fukking? Why. Poor decision making.

 

[murksiderock]

Ahh ok I see what you're saying. On the flip side, as a single father, is it hard to get women without kids to sign up for that role?

It really depends on the kind of woman you're looking for. Women with kids tend to have no issue with men who do have kids. Women who don't have kids are alot more open to it than you'd hear on message boards like LSA or Twitter---->but sometimes there's an age limit for the kids (no older or younger than ____); sometimes there's a count limit for the kids (no more than one or two kids); sometimes there's a count limit for the baby mommas (all his kids better be from the same woman)...

And some women without kids, won't accept a man with kids if they don't want kids, or if they feel like the involvement of a man with his children will get in the way of her personal mobility...

But nah, overall its fairly easy to attract women even if you have kids as I do...

So yall have a baby together (5 all together) ? .. Is this your baby mama nikka ?

Well breh.... is she your baby mama or no?

Yes she is, our daughter was born September 20. So I have three daughters now, she has two sons and a daughter...

I had a thread on her 8 months or so ago, and also 13 months ago or so when we started dating. Her having this child was a source of contention between her and I, we had parenting conversations before i found out she was pregnant and I disagreed with us continuing our relationship; our contrasts on parenting are why I suggested an abortion to her but she wasn't going for it...

Early exercise: give them a hypothetical joint income amount and ask how they'd break that down into a working budget. Investments, education, trips, food, extra-curriculars for the children, clothing, etc.


Eye opening experience.

100%. We actually did this, not using the worksheet specifically, but I asked her how she budgets her money along all these lines. Answers were unsatisfactory---->"as a single parent you just do what you gotta do"; "I don't have money to invest"; and she is NOT invested in her sons education...

There's gonna be some issues with the upbringing of our shared daughter, but I'm mentally prepared for that and gonna make sure I'm physically prepared for it when those issues arise...

 

[Deman]

gimme a pint of bleach b4 I nut in a bytch who dont kno how to pick men

 

[Vodun]

It really depends on the kind of woman you're looking for. Women with kids tend to have no issue with men who do have kids. Women who don't have kids are alot more open to it than you'd hear on message boards like LSA or Twitter---->but sometimes there's an age limit for the kids (no older or younger than ____); sometimes there's a count limit for the kids (no more than one or two kids); sometimes there's a count limit for the baby mommas (all his kids better be from the same woman)...

And some women without kids, won't accept a man with kids if they don't want kids, or if they feel like the involvement of a man with his children will get in the way of her personal mobility...

But nah, overall its fairly easy to attract women even if you have kids as I do...





Yes she is, our daughter was born September 20. So I have three daughters now, she has two sons and a daughter...

I had a thread on her 8 months or so ago, and also 13 months ago or so when we started dating. Her having this child was a source of contention between her and I, we had parenting conversations before i found out she was pregnant and I disagreed with us continuing our relationship; our contrasts on parenting are why I suggested an abortion to her but she wasn't going for it...



100%. We actually did this, not using the worksheet specifically, but I asked her how she budgets her money along all these lines. Answers were unsatisfactory---->"as a single parent you just do what you gotta do"; "I don't have money to invest"; and she is NOT invested in her sons education...

There's gonna be some issues with the upbringing of our shared daughter, but I'm mentally prepared for that and gonna make sure I'm physically prepared for it when those issues arise...

Come on man you have to value your seed better. Now all your children have a broken home. Why didn't you marry this chick if yall was living the Brady bunch lifestyle?

No offense playa but you moving like these females out here. Now you got 3 mouths to feed and your single. Like one poster said you need to focus on other things then dating.

Since she a single mom of 3 kids I bet she hitting you child support right?

 

[murksiderock]

Well... of course op.

Warning about dating single parents is a thing for a reason. It's not just shallow reasons.

Parenting is a problem - when you have to be a parent to her kids, will she take your side? Will she pit you against the kids?

Will the kids respect you? Or say you're not their "real dad"?

Etc.

Those things, but also it's moreso differences in child-rearing. You're not gonna agree on everything. But you can't disagree on everything and expect the relationship to work, and you can't be far apart on major issues---->whichever topics of child-rearing are "major" to you specifically. Some things may be non-negotiable...

I've dated women with children and OP is NOT wrong. Matter of fact, the more of those types of conversations you have early-on in the relationship, the better, as they can keep you out of MAD nonsense later on....... if not out of the relationship altogether.

Act like adults.​

100! In retrospect, by the time I had a full clarity on these contrasts, she was already pregnant, but I still could have left earlier on...

Overall though I'm quite proud of myself, I've never ended a relationship before it hit a breaking point. I realized a breaking point for myself and cut loose...

Wondering what was the major parenting differences that occurred?

The specific thing that finalized the decision is her youngest son, who will be 5 on the 20th of this month, is bullying my middle daughter, who just turned 3 in October. So he's essentially two years older than her, he's bigger than her, and he's a boy. 3 strikes...

From the time I met her the boy has had a hitting problem, and as of late, about early December, I began to notice he specifically hits/pushes/kicks my 3 year old. He's done these things to other kids and even adults before, but there is a habitual pattern with my 3 year old. My oldest daughter is only a month younger than him, she'll be 5 in February, and even though she's a little smaller than him, he doesn't do these things to her...

This has been a topic regarding dude since damn near the beginning, it reached a point where I've realized it's a non-negotiable breaking point. She's really defensive of dude because he has an IEP, but in over a year of observance of his behaviors, homeboy acts this way because he's allowed to, there are no repercussions to his behavior, the examples are limitless. When spoken to firmly he shows signs of listening and behaving...

Regarding my 3 year old, he randomly puts his hands on her. He did it again earlier tonight, and I called both my girls to the table and told them they are to hit his ass back if he puts his hands on any one of them. I'm not even mad at the little nikka, even though I find myself wanting to fukk him up. I'm mad at her, and when I've brought this up I've the year, her default is "what did she/they do to him" to get him to react like that, or "they/she were all playing, then when he don't wanna play they start crying"...

Eyes wide shut type shyt, but we've had this convo and enough is enough for me. There are many other parenting issues that are residual causes of this decision, but this was the capper. I've watched him do this. My daughter has hit him back here or there, but mostly she cries for a minute then she's back to being his friend. They genuinely like/love each other, the problem with me is you won't make it clear to your son that he can't hit girls, he can't hit people period without repercussion. She'll lightweight yell at him if I say something, give him a "tap" that's supposed to hurt, but there's no repercussion. No activity he likes to do is taken from him, no real ass whipping, no drilling into his head that he can't hit people...

 

[murksiderock]

My ex home girl had 2 kids. She swore she'd never seriously date a man with children. I'm like your children are grown and the dude's will likely be also.

She didn’t care and said they'll always want help no matter what age they are. In the same breath she said I should date women with kids, even though I don't have any children.

I've heard women say this before. It's something to be cognizant of if I date another woman with kids...

I will never date a woman with kids. I don’t have children so my options are wide open. I’m sure there are terrific single mothers out there but the potential for drama is too high. Between her, her children, and the father there is going to be something that is not worth the headache.

OP kinda alluded to something that bothers me. Single mothers who want to have another child with you. It’s like they want to bind you to them. If I was a single mother I wouldn’t want more children unless it was via marriage. Get married, have a kid…makes sense. But just having another kid with the new dude you’re fukking? Why. Poor decision making.

She miscarried with her ex before me, so she really wanted to have a baby. Admittedly, my dumb ass missed the warning signs that this bytch was aiming to have that child she lost, and here we are, I can take the rap on that...

Chick doesnt respect men, she's immature and has some arrested development for her age (she's 27), she's not self-aware, and I noticed being around her has caused me to change some things in my lifestyle I don't like. Nothing earth-shattering, but things that add up that negatively impact my peace and quality of life...

I made the choice to change that. I've made some bad decisions, who hasn't, but generally speaking I'm level-headed and logical. She's a list of terrible decision-making and her days of reckoning are coming, you just know it when you've lived a little...

Come on man you have to value your seed better. Now all your children have a broken home. Why didn't you marry this chick if yall was living the Brady bunch lifestyle?

No offense playa but you moving like these females out here. Now you got 3 mouths to feed and your single. Like one poster said you need to focus on other things then dating.

Since she a single mom of 3 kids I bet she hitting you child support right?

Bruh she was a booty call that turned into a fling that became a relationship when she got pregnant. I wasn't initially in this to be with her, but I did fall hard and quickly...

She ain't got me on child support, I'm probably gonna go put myself on it, and I'm definitely gonna have to work out custody...

I've stayed focused the entire time I've been with her, I've colored outside the lines a bit in the interest of being a good partner, but I never really strayed off my major goals. I'm gonna be able to tighten my focus now...

 

[Geode]

Based on previous threads, this relationship was doomed from the start, parenting styles aside.

But she's gotta set some boundaries with the son. A firm no and explanation of why the behavior is wrong, even if she has to do it multiple times because of the IEP "issues".

 

[O.T.I.S.]

Those things, but also it's moreso differences in child-rearing. You're not gonna agree on everything. But you can't disagree on everything and expect the relationship to work, and you can't be far apart on major issues---->whichever topics of child-rearing are "major" to you specifically. Some things may be non-negotiable...



100! In retrospect, by the time I had a full clarity on these contrasts, she was already pregnant, but I still could have left earlier on...

Overall though I'm quite proud of myself, I've never ended a relationship before it hit a breaking point. I realized a breaking point for myself and cut loose...



The specific thing that finalized the decision is her youngest son, who will be 5 on the 20th of this month, is bullying my middle daughter, who just turned 3 in October. So he's essentially two years older than her, he's bigger than her, and he's a boy. 3 strikes...

From the time I met her the boy has had a hitting problem, and as of late, about early December, I began to notice he specifically hits/pushes/kicks my 3 year old. He's done these things to other kids and even adults before, but there is a habitual pattern with my 3 year old. My oldest daughter is only a month younger than him, she'll be 5 in February, and even though she's a little smaller than him, he doesn't do these things to her...

This has been a topic regarding dude since damn near the beginning, it reached a point where I've realized it's a non-negotiable breaking point. She's really defensive of dude because he has an IEP, but in over a year of observance of his behaviors, homeboy acts this way because he's allowed to, there are no repercussions to his behavior, the examples are limitless. When spoken to firmly he shows signs of listening and behaving...

Regarding my 3 year old, he randomly puts his hands on her. He did it again earlier tonight, and I called both my girls to the table and told them they are to hit his ass back if he puts his hands on any one of them. I'm not even mad at the little nikka, even though I find myself wanting to fukk him up. I'm mad at her, and when I've brought this up I've the year, her default is "what did she/they do to him" to get him to react like that, or "they/she were all playing, then when he don't wanna play they start crying"...

Eyes wide shut type shyt, but we've had this convo and enough is enough for me. There are many other parenting issues that are residual causes of this decision, but this was the capper. I've watched him do this. My daughter has hit him back here or there, but mostly she cries for a minute then she's back to being his friend. They genuinely like/love each other, the problem with me is you won't make it clear to your son that he can't hit girls, he can't hit people period without repercussion. She'll lightweight yell at him if I say something, give him a "tap" that's supposed to hurt, but there's no repercussion. No activity he likes to do is taken from him, no real ass whipping, no drilling into his head that he can't hit people...

You and yours will always be second place in her mind.

And once he gets bigger/older he gonna try that shyt with you just because his mother is raising him to be like that and always defending his negative actions


Seen it before. I’ve dated single mothers in the past (My ex was the first one I had been in a relationship with but her son didn’t live with us or was he violent in any way), but I don’t recommend it to anyone.


I guess women don’t realize this when they have kids with certain people and he leaves, she puts him out, etc. Unless he’s abusive in any way, you make that work or you gonna be dealing with this type of shyt forever

 

[O.T.I.S.]

Also, I found the spin thread

 

[Ohene]

My ex home girl had 2 kids. She swore she'd never seriously date a man with children. I'm like your children are grown and the dude's will likely be also.

She didn’t care and said they'll always want help no matter what age they are. In the same breath she said I should date women with kids, even though I don't have any children.

Your home girl an idiot

 

[Ohene]

Also, I found the spin thread

Lol so that’s what that thread was

 

[⠀X ⠀]

Man, I don’t care if I had 7 kids. I still wouldn’t date a single mom!

 

[Ohene]

Those things, but also it's moreso differences in child-rearing. You're not gonna agree on everything. But you can't disagree on everything and expect the relationship to work, and you can't be far apart on major issues---->whichever topics of child-rearing are "major" to you specifically. Some things may be non-negotiable...



100! In retrospect, by the time I had a full clarity on these contrasts, she was already pregnant, but I still could have left earlier on...

Overall though I'm quite proud of myself, I've never ended a relationship before it hit a breaking point. I realized a breaking point for myself and cut loose...



The specific thing that finalized the decision is her youngest son, who will be 5 on the 20th of this month, is bullying my middle daughter, who just turned 3 in October. So he's essentially two years older than her, he's bigger than her, and he's a boy. 3 strikes...

From the time I met her the boy has had a hitting problem, and as of late, about early December, I began to notice he specifically hits/pushes/kicks my 3 year old. He's done these things to other kids and even adults before, but there is a habitual pattern with my 3 year old. My oldest daughter is only a month younger than him, she'll be 5 in February, and even though she's a little smaller than him, he doesn't do these things to her...

This has been a topic regarding dude since damn near the beginning, it reached a point where I've realized it's a non-negotiable breaking point. She's really defensive of dude because he has an IEP, but in over a year of observance of his behaviors, homeboy acts this way because he's allowed to, there are no repercussions to his behavior, the examples are limitless. When spoken to firmly he shows signs of listening and behaving...

Regarding my 3 year old, he randomly puts his hands on her. He did it again earlier tonight, and I called both my girls to the table and told them they are to hit his ass back if he puts his hands on any one of them. I'm not even mad at the little nikka, even though I find myself wanting to fukk him up. I'm mad at her, and when I've brought this up I've the year, her default is "what did she/they do to him" to get him to react like that, or "they/she were all playing, then when he don't wanna play they start crying"...

Eyes wide shut type shyt, but we've had this convo and enough is enough for me. There are many other parenting issues that are residual causes of this decision, but this was the capper. I've watched him do this. My daughter has hit him back here or there, but mostly she cries for a minute then she's back to being his friend. They genuinely like/love each other, the problem with me is you won't make it clear to your son that he can't hit girls, he can't hit people period without repercussion. She'll lightweight yell at him if I say something, give him a "tap" that's supposed to hurt, but there's no repercussion. No activity he likes to do is taken from him, no real ass whipping, no drilling into his head that he can't hit people...

Damn bro this is serious on so many levels

1) the fact that the severance of the relationship could emotionally scar your daughters who have developed an actual relationship with their step brothers

2) the idea that you can’t be the one to discipline your step done despite the need to do so. If the father isn’t in the picture i would think Yall need to simply consolidate and treat the situation as a mine is yours and yours is mine

3) the son of course being held in regard over you, the man of the house in conjunction with the woman not heading to your guidance /opinion

4) the young breh putting hands on women. All my sisters were older but even as a kid i never ever thought to put hands on classmates who were females and shyt

Fcked up on so many levels. At least you got out breh i hope the situation dont mess with your bread. Lil nikka need his ass beat