Thanks for the feedback, I really appreciate itI'd rep you again but I can't unfortunately
There was a lot of info but I tried not to go too overboard with it. There were a lot of unfamiliar words, but i tried to give context without spamming too much information. This world will be explained in depth as the story progresses.
I intend for this story to be written in a manner akin to Game of Thrones. There is no true main character, and it will feature the perspectives of dozens of different people.
The Asafohene was important but he wasn't that important. I really intended for him just to be a background character, but his character will be explored a little more in the next chapter that features Dauntasi.
I didn't realize I was kinda killing the action the way I had written it. I'll take that into account the next time I'm writing action.
You're not being presumptuous concerning the writing style. I'm experimenting with a different writing style.
Grammar and punctuation have always been my Achilles heel. I proofread and use grammarly but it doesn't always catch everything.
I've never read or watched Game of Thrones but while reading your chapter, I thought to myself "This is inspired by historical fantasy novels. Reminds me of Joe Abercrombie."
Do what feels natural before you're sitting in the vortex of contemplation
The grammar, and tenses will reveal themselves after reading what you wrote aloud. The natural pauses and flow of your voice pacing the story is a great judge. After that a second pair of eyes will be your best bet.
I'm going to find a good example of a minor character having a story arc and making an impact. You may not use it for this character but it could be used for someone in the future. A good ace to flow from your stash of ink.
I look forward to reading the next chapters.
I'm gonna read it over before uploading it to amazon kindle this time... might do a new cover too...
....I get updates and daps for everything then this one goes to pages deep without me seeing updates.
