@Turk I knew how that chapter was going to end because it's the first one but man I wanted that fight to happen.
An African warrior Marrow, dope. I love seeing other powers in media or creative spins rather than our generic ones.
One thing I'll say is to commit to the beauty of death and bloodlust with your descriptions. You can go the oxymoron or ironic takes with the descriptions or tell it like it is but things like magenta eyes when describing anger throws me off.
There is a lot of info being dispersed to the reader I would recommend we get some of that through character interactions. Maybe we get a flashback to the planning of the attack and we get some personality of the Asafohene interacting with Dauntasi. Their culture or history can come up naturally in that sense. He is a lot of wisdom to throw away without offering much early on.
In fact, creating a character arc that concludes with how it did in this chapter for him is going to be helpful.
It is hard weaving the tale of a nation, it's people and a battle while trying to maintain your foot on the gas. But once you get into that mode stay with it. I was like
When drained heads were being delivered but then the action returned to the baseline like a calming wave. You always want your water to be crashing the rocks with moments like that. Give me more. And it doesn't have to be action. Character thoughts or the dialogue, setting descriptions can all be characters. That's how I see it anyway.
I want to see more of your personal style whether that be through metaphors, similies, imagery or certain words. Only you know how you write and sound but I can tell -maybe presumptious of me- that you're not writing with the style that you could be.
It's like your guarding Curry, he has a signature of running around the court, setting up his teammates and getting that three off. No one else is like that. That's him and only he is like that. A signature of sorts.
Other than that keep up the good work. There is some grammar, tenses and punctuation issues here and there but you seem to know what direction you're going.
