Candace Cameron Bure Defends Her "Submissive Role" With Husband: "I Want Him to Lead"

[Mr. Somebody]

Yes but people in here talking about being submissive and obedient, not a partnership.

In a relationship there is typically one person with the dominant personality. By default someone will submit to the other. In most parts of the world, the one submitting is the woman. Sadly, friend, women who feel they are to strong or intelligent to submit to men, are single. Its hard for them to find a man that is stronger or a better leader then them and this effects alot of their relationships with men due to the constant power struggling.

 

[Dwolf]

25

Ok that makes sense

 

[Mr. Somebody]

Yes because the more you know, the more you know you don't know anything at all. You can always learn from someone... someone will always be superior to you in some aspect.... even your own wife.

example my mother, she's an excellent business woman and networker. My dad was not, my dad was a brainiac tho, but not a great decision maker. She was his advisor, she was fine with it, she was fine with being submissive to my father... she made him better got his career poppin. It's like a viceroy, Yeah the king is the figurehead and has the power, but the viceroy controls the king but at the same time is a subordinate to that very same king.

 

[Mr. Somebody]

i appreciate that , but i didnt always have this mindset. with my first husband i was the breadwinner therefore i was the head of household and things went drastically wrong. i feel you hafta get to know the person you are marrying and come together and decide this is how things are gonna be. im older than my husband but that never stops me from asking what he thinks about certain situations cuz i know he has my best interest at heart.

Was it because of money that you felt you were the head of the household or a particular attitude that your first husband had? Because really, friend, if you make say 10 grand more then your husband, not much has changed. Unless of course you're saying he worked at mcdonalds and you were pulling 50k.

 

[Remote]

I think it's the money more than anything. A lot of dudes want to be leaders but don't have what it takes to lead... women don't respect that shyt. You have to command respect with your actions, not beg for it. These dudes can't even lead their own lives and have been babied by their mothers way too much. They're not built for this world and it's lead to role reversal going on. Of course there's other factors as well, especially if you're talking about African Americans, there's things like the economy, education, women having bigger roles in the workplace. At the end of the day though men and women are wired differently, you can't beat out nature, we can be equal but you can't rewire everyone...women want to be made to feel like a woman... a lot of dudes can't do it they never learned how... shyt leads to failed marriages... I don't really think any of it stems from the man wanting to dominate the woman. If the man had what it takes, the woman would just get in line... even if she makes more than him ,even if she's more educated, even if she's a dime.

Your post would suggest that nearly 80% of the time in marriages men don't have what it takes to lead, and thus..wouldn't be worth submitting to. 80% is an awful lot. Kinda puts a huge hole in this submission theory, no?
As far as wired differently, I think this is the gray area where women take offense.
Wired differently in terms of what?
Let's suppose for a moment that a woman should submit to a man because he is smarter, wiser, earns more money, and provides for the family.
If those are the qualifications that one submits to...then anyone with those qualifications -- male or female -- could fit into that role.
And so when people argue that no...men must fill that role regardless of the qualifications...well then you're going down a sexist path of discussion backed by little more than "tradition"

 

[sanityovar8ted]

Was it because of money that you felt you were the head of the household or a particular attitude that your first husband had? Because really, friend, if you make say 10 grand more then your husband, not much has changed. Unless of course you're saying he worked at mcdonalds and you were pulling 50k.

it was a lil bit of both really i had a really good paying job and he sat at home and watched the kids then i would give half my check to go out and hustle with so he could feel like he was doing something. we got married only cuz of the kids, we didnt really get to know one another so it was doomed from the start.

 

[mcdivit85]

What's wrong with a partnership though?

A proper relationship is a partnership. That doesn't mean that each partner shares the same roles. A baskteball team is a partnership among players, but each player has a specific role that they play to facilitate the team. Imagine if the center took the ball from the point guard and said "Naw n#gga, I'm gonna bring the ball up the court." And then there would be no one in the post to score and the point guard would be man handled by center on the other team down low. It would cause imbalance.

Everything has roles and those roles serve different functions. Your hand serves a different function than your leg. The knife serves a different function than the fork. The CEO serves a different function than the CFO. But when it comes men and women, all the sudden everyone should be doing the exact same thing....it just doesn't work in real life.

Partners don't do the same roles as the other. That's why the need a partner in the first place.

Peace

 

[Rawtid]

I think submitting is more of a state of mind rather than a set of actions. When you do group projects in school typically one person is assigned as the group leader to turn in work on behalf of the group. The other group members still have to contribute. That's typically how it works in families with the husband being the group leader. There are going to be times where the wife assumes the role, but more often than not it will be the husband and it's possible to have a marriage where the wife is submissive yet her opinion is valued. Just because that dynamic has been established it doesn't mean the wife won't have a say in the marriage and she'll just be cooking, cleaning and rubbing her husband's feet. Don't confuse subservient with submissive.

 

[Chesirecatdaddy]

Your post would suggest that nearly 80% of the time in marriages men don't have what it takes to lead, and thus..wouldn't be worth submitting to. 80% is an awful lot. Kinda puts a huge hole in this submission theory, no?
As far as wired differently, I think this is the gray area where women take offense.
Wired differently in terms of what?
Let's suppose for a moment that a woman should submit to a man because he is smarter, wiser, earns more money, and provides for the family.
If those are the qualifications that one submits to...then anyone with those qualifications -- male or female -- could fit into that role.
And so when people argue that no...men must fill that role regardless of the qualifications...well then you're going down a sexist path of discussion backed by little more than "tradition"

why 80%? Where did you get this percentage?

Wired in terms of the way we work and think, or hormones, etc . Not saying that man can't submit to a woman... but the way most men are wired it just doesn't work out well and the proof is in the pudding. You can say that this is because of women's newfound roles in the workplace, but those roles have been around for a while now. They don't explain how some women have successful careers and marriages and still submit. We can act like men and women are the same and the only difference are our genitalia.. but it's not true and shouldn't be ignored. There are always gonna be exceptions to the rules... but we don't base shyt off the exception my brother...that's why we call it the exception. There's nothing sexist about it, that's just your perception. I acknowledge that we have natural roles that shouldn't be ignored. You could say we are conditioned to believe these traditional roles and I could argue that we're also being conditioned to believe the opposite.

 

[Remote]

why 80%? Where did you get this percentage?

Wired in terms of the way we work and think, or hormones, etc . Not saying that man can't submit to a woman... but the way most men are wired it just doesn't work out well and the proof is in the pudding. You can say that this is because of women's newfound roles in the workplace, but those roles have been around for a while now. They don't explain how some women have successful careers and marriages and still submit. We can act like men and women are the same and the only difference are our genitalia.. but it's not true and shouldn't be ignored. There are always gonna be exceptions to the rules... but we don't base shyt off the exception my brother...that's why we call it the exception. There's nothing sexist about it, that's just your perception. I acknowledge that we have natural roles that shouldn't be ignored. You could say we are conditioned to believe these traditional roles and I could argue that we're also being conditioned to believe the opposite.

Reincar or Chris B or someone else can find the link.
They are fond posting a statistic that women initiate divorce 80% of the time. I forget where it's located.

When you're saying that these roles have been around for a while...that's just tradition talking.
In 1,000 years you would have a new role that has "been around for a while". Things evolve.

Just to re-iterate my post from earlier...

I think people should submit to what is right. Not who "should" be right because of their gender.

 

[Milk N Cookies]

Ok that makes sense

How does my age matter on my opinions?

 

[Chesirecatdaddy]

Reincar or Chris B or someone else can find the link.
They are fond posting a statistic that women initiate divorce 80% of the time. I forget where it's located.

When you're saying that these roles have been around for a while...that's just tradition talking.
In 1,000 years you would have a new role that has "been around for a while". Things evolve.

Just to re-iterate my post from earlier...

I think people should submit to what is right. Not who "should" be right because of their gender.

lol well i mean I don't agree with that, sure they might initiate it... but that doesn't mean shyt. Why would a man initiate a process whereby he loses half his shyt? Doesn't mean he's not the one responsible ... doesn't mean he fulfilled his duties as a man and a husband. I agree with reincar and chris b when it comes to women being submissive in traditional relationships and that they work best... but that's where it ends. I do think that modern society is trying to condition us that men and women are the same... we are not the same at all, the more we recognize that the happier we'll be. We are equal, in that we all deserve our fundamental God given rights as a human being on this earth... that's it that's where it stops. Women and men's brains are hardwired differently, women even use different parts of the brain to do the same tasks as men, meaning they see shyt different off top. That's why it's such a good partnership, a woman can see things you can't and you'll be looking at the exact same thing or situation. This is why we don't all have the same roles... why do you need 2 people doing the same thing?

 

[dax]

I think people choose their roles, and if a woman chooses to be submissive, that's just fine with me. I don't think we are born into certain roles.

 

[Chesirecatdaddy]

I think people choose their roles, and if a woman chooses to be submissive, that's just fine with me. I don't think we are born into certain roles.

not born into per se, but more adept at it. It's easier to adopt that role with ease, unless you've been conditioned to think differently (single parent household).

 

[dax]

not born into per se, but more adept at it. It's easier to adopt that role with ease, unless you've been conditioned to think differently (single parent household).

Conditioning has a lot to do with if you are a leader too, male or female.