Sorry this is so long- I’ve been sitting here with my family for the evening and never closed the window. My uncle is making me sample some Hennessy White, so I’ve been sitting here typing lol
My fam is pretty traditional and I’m actually sitting here with them now for Sunday dinner (well, dinner is over and folks have splintered into different rooms to watch various NFL games)…
But I’ll definitely share my thoughts… main thing I will say is that you are ahead of the game because you come from a nice background.
Pay very close attention to the guys who are interested in you and their backgrounds. You have the opportunity to connect with young guys who come from similar families who were already taught what you were taught about relationship dynamics, family, etc.
1. Carry yourself like a lady at all times. That will open many doors and attract a lot of guys. Then you will be able to choose between suitors. This is when you separate the gentleman who come from a background like yours from the other guys who won’t understand traditional roles or try to convince you not to expect a traditional guy.
2. Be very observant of how a man treats not only you, but other people. Waitstaff at restaurants, strangers, family & friends. If he is selfish, cold, backstabbing, etc he WILL eventually turn those behaviors on you too. Some girls think it’s cute when someone is tough/mean to everyone else, but nice to them. Not the case.
Is he the kind of guy who leads? Does he help other people study? Take charge at work? Goal oriented? Does he accomplish those goals? Does he keep his commitments with you?
3. “Male Identified”— So, there is such a thing. If you are literally putting the thoughts, perspectives, needs of men AHEAD of yours/women’s at all times, to the detriment of your own sex: yes, you are male identified. These are the women who encourage men to play the field and run through women, as if those women don’t have feelings. These are the women who think other women “deserve it” when they are abused, r*ped, etc. These are the women who usually are not very attractive (lol) so they have no idea what it’s like to actually be desired by many men and understand the challenge of navigating that experience. They usually hate on the attractive girls.
That being said, there is nothing wrong with understanding the perspective of the opposite sex. If you are heterosexual (and SMART), you should want to understand and relate to the opposite sex. This is where having some game comes in. You can attract men all day everyday, but you can’t expect to keep a man (especially a quality dude) around if you can’t relate to him.
A smart woman understands that she needs to know how to relate to men, just like a smart man understands that he can’t be a complete hard-ass or weirdo in the presence of women and expect women with options to stick around for maltreatment.
Some of the women screaming “male identified” didn’t grow up in healthy environments so they don’t understand that men and women need to relate to each other, enjoy being around each other, and do things for each other.
The young girls in my family learn to cook/bake from scratch, have no issue making their father/grandfather’s favorite meal or dessert, etc. My generation is grown, so we have no issue taking ppl to doctor visits, visiting and helping to pack/store things, hosting family dinner, etc.
Some men hear that and get excited and think that’s where it stops.
No. See, we do these things because our family is an actual patriarchy.
-If you need help with rent or mortgage payments? Then men got it covered.
-Repairs in your house? The men will contact a contractor they know, or will schedule someone knew and be present for the Appt.
-Furniture delivery? Cable guy coming through? Coordinate with the men because as a lady, you aren’t supposed to be alone with a strange man.
-Family emergency? Someone is catching a flight next day to be there to figure it out.
-Your dad passed away? No prob- one of the uncles will move you into/out of your dorm every year until you graduate.
So when you encounter a young guy in college who reminds you of what I wrote above? Fukk yea that’s the kind of guy you go all out for. Everyone doesn’t deserve your love and nurturing. It’s special and shouldn’t be shared with many men.
While you’re young and cute you, this is the time to present yourself well, and truly observe who is approaching you.
4. Guard your reputation! So no sleeping around with a bunch of dudes. Don’t give anyone any ammunition. It’s better to be seen as a bit mysterious than too friendly and welcoming and open to everyone who shows interest. Think Lori Harvey without all the media attention. People knew she was pretty and came from a wealthy family, but that’s it. Lol Most people didn’t know what her voice sounded like. If she were just a random pretty girl in her city with a low profile, she would have every dude clamoring for her because no one would know her dating life. That’s how you want to move. Everyone doesn’t need to have access to you, your personal life, etc.