MaxBundles
Veteran
The father not being around is the mothers fault
Black dads outperform other fathers groups so where does the absentee father myth come from?
- Thread starter Anerdyblackguy
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- black fathers
Marco Zen
Black Privilege
@truth2you the OP did not construct his thread to delve into the whys of the situation. He simply created a poll to refute the stat and simply ask how many people have had good fathers in their life. Not realizing that good father is relative to each person depending on location/upbringing and cultural norms depending on each generation. As well as historical factors as you have pointed out.
Perhaps you should created a thread to discuss why absenteeism happened in some black communities. A child that experience not having a father will not have the comprehension nor the understanding of why his/her dad was not aroumd. He can only speak from loss. It takes that child growing into an adult and experience adulthood to further understand the difficulties of parenting. Most of the people who have posted are ADOS who shared their anecdotal experience so I don’t understand why you feel like non black Americans are throwing black American fathers under the bus. There is no doubt that historically black American family have been dealt a crappy hand, still doesn’t change the sense of loss that black children feel when they have no father around.
Perhaps you should created a thread to discuss why absenteeism happened in some black communities. A child that experience not having a father will not have the comprehension nor the understanding of why his/her dad was not aroumd. He can only speak from loss. It takes that child growing into an adult and experience adulthood to further understand the difficulties of parenting. Most of the people who have posted are ADOS who shared their anecdotal experience so I don’t understand why you feel like non black Americans are throwing black American fathers under the bus. There is no doubt that historically black American family have been dealt a crappy hand, still doesn’t change the sense of loss that black children feel when they have no father around.
My post said the comments made me sad, I didn't say anything about the OP. I was that child, and had no anger towards my father, UNTIL I got in my teens, and constantly heard how fukked up fathers are who isn't with the mother. It was everywhere, and that was the era of "black men aint shyt", so it got to me. It's when I started puffing herb, and just thinking about my environment that I realized how full of shyt these people were. They just wanted to shyt on black men. Other black men went along with it, because it made them look good.
Then I started talking to older men, both black & white, then I started realizing the Vietnam War really fukked people up, along with lack of jobs for the black men who just came back home. Also, they weren't raised like we were. My grandmother told me Fathers didn't tell you they loved you, and did things we associate with fatherhood today. They just made sure you had food, clothing, and shelter. Things changed with the hippy movement, and men started showing love more, and saying they love you. The older men would explain things, and made me realize why drugs got so big at the time. It's just sad how the men who didn't go to war, and were school kids or just avoided it, are talking shyt about them, and just made them look bad. Mental health is real, but for us, no one sees it, we are just fukked up men.
As far as my ADOS comment, I stand by it, because "Get These Nets" is not ADOS, and others aren't as well, but they are speaking on Fathers in this country during post Vietnam war, and during the drug war. I don't know when his family came here, but that is very important to the story. I never said they were throwing ADOS under the bus, where did you get that from?
You see this Fatherlessness in every country where war happened. I seen it with Asians who had war in their country then came here, the same with Africans who had war, and came here. The issue is, when it happened to them, they had an excuse, and all black men weren't shytted on for it, it was understood why. So, why can't some do that with us, when we had it worse then everyone else because we couldn't leave to go somewhere else, and fix ourselves, AND we STILL kept our families together somehow. If black men aint shyt when it comes to fatherhood, why didn't this really start until the 70's? Don't you think it should have started way before that? There is a reason why, but I feel a lot of black men don't care, because its their chance to say they are better then those who came before them, or better then other black men. Its a corny nikka trait!
And most children don't feel that effect when love is around, the truth is its the mothers/society putting shyt in the child's head about the father, but we can't say that in our community because women have the power, but I experienced it, and seen it with others. Yes, i wanted my pops around more to show me how to deal with developing into a man, but once I figured it out, I could care less. I still loved my father, especially when I learned his life, and era that he came up in. I really felt like this once I seen my friends with fathers in their life, and they were still like me, for the most part. Their fathers didn't teach them about sex, how to deal with racism, and much more, I KNEW MORE THEN THEM! I just got from them that they thought because they might could work on cars or something like that, they were men, but they were weak to me, still loved my friends, though.
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My post said the comments made me sad, I didn't say anything about the OP. I was that child, and had no anger towards my father, UNTIL I got in my teens, and constantly heard how fukked up fathers are who isn't with the mother. It was everywhere, and that was the era of "black men aint shyt", so it got to me. It's when I started puffing herb, and just thinking about my environment that I realized how full of shyt these people were. They just wanted to shyt on black men. Other black men went along with it, because it made them look good.
Then I started talking to older men, both black & white, then I started realizing the Vietnam War really fukked people up, along with lack of jobs for the black men who just came back home. They would explain things, and made me realize why drugs got so big at the time. It's just sad how the men who didn't go to war, and were school kids or just avoided it, are talking shyt about them, and just made them look bad. Mental health is real, but for us, no one sees it, we are just fukked up men.
As far as my ADOS comment, I stand by it, because "Get These Nets" is not ADOS, and others aren't as well, but they are speaking on Fathers in this country during post Vietnam war, and during the drug war. I don't know when his family came here, but that is very important to the story. I never said they were throwing ADOS under the bus, where did you get that from?
You see this Fatherlessness in every country where war happened. I seen it with Asians who had war in their country then came here, the same with Africans who had war, and came here. The issue is, when it happened to them, they had an excuse, and all black men weren't shytted on for it, it was understood why. So, why can't some do that with us, when we had it worse then everyone else because we couldn't leave to go somewhere else, and fix ourselves, AND we STILL kept our families together somehow. If black men aint shyt when it comes to fatherhood, why didn't this really start until the 70's? Don't you think it should have started way before that? There is a reason why, but I feel a lot of black men don't care, because its their chance to say they are better then those who came before them, or better then other black men. Its a corny nikka trait!
And most children don't feel that effect when love is around, the truth is its the mothers putting shyt in the child's head about the father, but we can't say that in our community because women have the power, but I experienced it, and seen it with others. Yes, i wanted my pops around more to show me how to deal with developing into a man, but once I figured it out, I could care less. I still loved my father, especially when I learned his life, and era that he came up in. I really felt like this once I seen my friends with fathers in their life, and they were still like me, for the most part. Their fathers didn't teach them about sex, how to deal with racism, and much more, I KNEW MORE THEN THEM! I just got from them that they thought because they might could work on cars or something like that, they were men, but they were weak to me, still loved my friends, though.
A child will never hate their parents for abandonment so it makes sense that you have love for your father. However, a child would always have a sense of loss when a parent isn’t around. Love can be around but when you are missing a parent it affects you in many way both overt and subtle. Children need the constant presence of both parents. I didn’t get a sense of this being an a black men ain’t ish thread, but I am sorry that you felt that it was. Perhaps you can create a spin-off and make it an ADOS only discussion.
Nah, I aint creating a thread just to hear this shyt again. Like I said I seen this most of my life, I just don't understand why black people don't think about our experiences, and how it effected us. I'm always hearing a repeat of what my enemies say. I understand why a Bill O'reily would leave out the why's, because he is part of a system that needs to keep me looking bad so he can maintain his power, but why would another black man do it? My experiences say its just to feel good about themselves, so they throw others under the bus. I'm just telling my side, just like they are.
And I agree it does effect you when both parents aren't around, but to what extent depends on your ENVIRONMENT! Too many people ignore they are living in a jungle, and just make it seem like fathers just weren't around, so that is why they are living in a jungle. Do you know how fukked up peoples homes were before the 60's, even though the fathers lived in the house? Why do you think women started divorcing men so high in the 70's? They got tired of getting their ass beat, told they can't get educated, hima having secret families, and much more. Yall seem to forget all of this, just to say you need a father in the house. We need to focus on raising proper children, and stop worrying about some image of having both parents in the house.
This is real life, you can't have an experience without having a why, they both go together. Only a devil would tell one, while ignoring the other.
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I find this hard to believe based on my personal experience.
I grew up nearly my entire life without a father. My dad only lived with us for like 2 years when we were lil kids. And almost all of my cousins grew up the same way. On my father's side of the family only one of his 6 brothers actually lived with his kids. So five out of six brothers did not live with their kids. I doubt my family was unique. Fatherlessness is one of the few negative stereotypes about us that from my personal experience is true.
Cosign.
I totally don't understand this thread either. I like exposing the lies of white supremacy as much as anyone. But fathlessness in the black community ain't one of them. I didn't grow up with my father around. And I don't know almost anyone else I grew up with that did.
The results of this poll don't make sense.
where did you live? What was your economic status? What type of mothers were you around? Meaning did they just go to work, did they work all day, were they church people, did they party a lot? what were their views on men?
Did the fathers never come around? were they truly absentee or just didn't live with the mothers?
Yeah sounds like a lot of
in my group of 6-7 guys I fw in HS I was the only one with a father present in the household. Two had never met they father, one was serving a 30 year sentence, rest was a once a month or every other weekend type deal.
Hate for it to be that way
Cosign.
My dad had 6 brothers. Only one of them actually lived with their kids. Me and all my cousins grew up rarely seeing our fathers.
This is one of the few negative stereotypes about our community that is actually true.
Were they in the vietnam war? did they get effected by the drug war?
We were poor early on and moved up to lower middle class. My mom worked. She was a tough woman. So I can understand why my father left. She didn't take no bullshyt from no one. Great mother but probably not the easiest to live with as a man.
My dad left after I was born. Then came back for a few years before leaving once again. He calls every now and then but we don't have any real relationship.
No.
So, how can you just say your story is most black peoples story, and people are lying?
Don't get me wrong, it's a lot, but you have to look at the whole picture before just helping your enemies by making black people look bad. By not acknowledging the why's, you allow the fatherless children to keep going on because there would be no need to fix the situation that allowed the fatherlessness to happen int he first place. All we are gonna continue to hear is "black men aren't fathers", while the injustice keeps growing.