Bitter Black Men: redefining manhood (long read)

[Killer Instinct]

Although i agree with the premise that men shouldn't waste time trying uphold this Superman facade; i must say...


Why all this focus on "bitter" black men while totally ignoring what spawned them in the first place black men didn't just wake up one day and all in group think decided that they hate black women. The disdain towards black women from black men is a direct result of black women having those very same feelings towards black men despite at that time having far less reason to than black men did when they followed suit.

On the net you can find just as many if not more black man bashers matter of fact if you ask someone who was on YouTube when it was first invented they will tell you that some of the very first videos by black people on that site were of black women airing their gripes with black men and that Sargent Willie Pete and the whole Gen X crowd was a direct response to that.

So why is it the Black Men Ain't Shyt brigade that always escapes scrutiny all while the black men responding to them get called out. Why does the White Men Are The Greatest Beings On This Planet crowd given a pass while black men who just merely date interracially are labeled sell out, c00ns and told that they must hate there ancestors, their mothers, and even their daughter on apart of them doing the same things black women get a pass on? And when black men respond to that by labeling black women who date out Bed Wenches why is the fact that it's mainly being done in response to the same type of criticism being levied on to black men ignored.


What i'm saying is when are black women going to start calling out their own faults? You've been addressing black men for 7 decades now under both real and false pretenses; That dead horse has been beaten to a bloody pulp now it's your turn on the hot seat and you can't handle the heat. If black women would address each others short comings there would be no need for black men to say anything to you thus rendering the "bitter" black man non existent.

 

[TheArchitect]

I got into the social work/mental health field because my dad started to internalize his emotions. And he was multi generational mixed so he resented the emotional stereotype. Internalizing emotions like that is dangerous because it can kill you. It killed him and I promised myself I'd work to help make sure black men are able to release those emotions in a healthy, positive way.

I know it's a morbid subject for you, but can you go into it a little further? I think that just that may happen to me....

Me. It's mostly automatic too. I might add a "can't complain" to one of those every now and then, but I never actually give much thought to how I might be feeling at the moment. Partly because I could count on my hands the number of people I trust to actually bear my thoughts on how I'm feeling to.

Then again, it's also been noted that in American English, "how are you?" is almost always just a greeting, and not a genuine inquiry about your current well-being


This topic reminds me of a phone convo I had with my boy a few years ago. He was going through a lot with his wife and he just unloaded on me about a whole bunch of things that had been bothering him about their relationship. And then he apologized afterwards and told me he knows she's got a bunch of people to fall back on and at least talk to when things get rough, but he doesn't really talk to anyone about what's bothering him at all

We've had similar convos since then (their relationship has always been rocky), but he always says the same thing, that he doesn't really talk to anyone about it

I do the same exact shyt....

too late for me...my spirit been died years ago...i dont i could ever go back to the person i used to be.....im just a shell waiting for death

I don't think my spirit is all the way gone, but a lot was taken away growing up....mostly from my parents, sadly....

I'm fine with helping others if I can but, personally, I've always preferred to deal with my shyt on my own without people trying to pry my head open. I see no benefit in me being vulnerable around people, including loved ones. That's just me.



I see it as going either 2 ways:

People are going to listen without listening then go on about their business with their own issues to deal with. That's "fair"​

OR​

My bullshyt affecting someone else to the point where it's burdening them and stressing them out worrying. That's unfair to them​

This. I feel most people really don't care, then others will probably use that against you in the future in some shape or form.....

Same here and I used to be the opposite very open emotional loyal person but most people I've ever put my faith in and gotten close to has betrayed me in some way or just eventually not seemed to give a fukk about me anymore

When I found out most people are selfish a holes who simply didn't care as much as I did then I figured what's the point?

I can count on one hand the people I open up to and trust these days.I wish I could go back to my open caring sensitive ways but people haven't given me reason to

I've mostly stopped opening up to people (even my closest friends), because I always feel like a fukking weakling/idiot afterwards. Like, "Hmmm, I shouldn't of told ANYONE that, how fukking weak...how do you sound? THINK, nikka THINK...."

Being raised by only a mother has some bad effects on the son.

Thats all Im gonna say.

Especially if the mother has NO CLUE how to raise a child....

Easier said than done. Not going beat a dead horse but I've had some horrible experiences with women, black women particular.....and yet despite all my resentment/bitterness towards them...I still want to be with one

Me too man....sadly, all I've ever asked for is ONE. Didn't even have to last forever, just one that I can look back on and be like "That was AWESOME"....

Never even got that....

 

[Elle Driver]

I know it's a morbid subject for you, but can you go into it a little further? I think that just that may happen to me....

I do the same exact shyt....

I don't think my spirit is all the way gone, but a lot was taken away growing up....mostly from my parents, sadly....

This. I feel most people really don't care, then others will probably use that against you in the future in some shape or form.....

I've mostly stopped opening up to people (even my closest friends), because I always feel like a fukking weakling/idiot afterwards. Like, "Hmmm, I shouldn't of told ANYONE that, how fukking weak...how do you sound? THINK, nikka THINK...."

Especially if the mother has NO CLUE how to raise a child....

Me too man....sadly, all I've ever asked for is ONE. Didn't even have to last forever, just one that I can look back on and be like "That was AWESOME"....

Never even got that....

It just manifested itself in unhealthy ways, he developed a mental illness that went untreated for years. I used to comfort him when I was a baby and even up until he died when I was close to 14. He had no support from my mother who ended up leaving him as well. He used to isolate himself until one day he was just found dead, he committed suicide.

 

[bouncy]

The reason I say that is because racists see race in everything. Why do you think history has been rewritten? They can't accept someone who is way different from them, doing things they want to be known for.

 

[bouncy]

Black Women have always preferred the hyper masculinized male and ripped to pieces sensitive men who show emotion so what do you expect men are gonna do?

Luckily for me I've always been a hyper aggressive non emotional insensitive cat which has suited me well with women

All women have, not just black women.

@Peter Vecsey This is a perfect example of what I mean. The more we keep saying blacks are this or that, and ignore its not just blacks doing certain things, you will start thinking its only blacks who are a certain way. We are human just like everyone else, but when we keep boxing ourselves into corners, and talk like no one else has our issues(emotional), we won't take the steps to try to heal ourself or deal with our issues. Then overtime we start to think like racists, except with no power, and the hate is towards each other.

 

[BlackAmerican]

So why is it the Black Men Ain't Shyt brigade that always escapes scrutiny all while the black men responding to them get called out. Why does the White Men Are The Greatest Beings On This Planet crowd given a pass while black men who just merely date interracially are labeled sell out, c00ns and told that they must hate there ancestors, their mothers, and even their daughter on apart of them doing the same things black women get a pass on? And when black men respond to that by labeling black women who date out Bed Wenches why is the fact that it's mainly being done in response to the same type of criticism being levied on to black men ignored.


What i'm saying is when are black women going to start calling out their own faults? You've been addressing black men for 7 decades now under both real and false pretenses; That dead horse has been beaten to a bloody pulp now it's your turn on the hot seat and you can't handle the heat. If black women would address each others short comings there would be no need for black men to say anything to you thus rendering the "bitter" black man non existent.

I've seen bw admit flaws before. I've also seen bw call out other bw for hating on bm. Bw who defend bm are called sista soldiers, mules, and black male identified women by a small fringe group of other women............much like when a bm defends a bw, he's called a simp by other men.

 

[BlackAmerican]

It almost made me cry TBH. Everyone always says, get over it, there is no racism, the US is not a racist country, etc. They just don't understand that when you start the race 10 years behind everyone else, it is extremely hard to catch up.

Definitely true. Maybe we need to become just as indifferent to other ethnic groups as they are with us.

 

[CinnaSlim]

I can't reply to everyone but this is basically the message.

You should not hold on to bitterness and carry that baggage into the present and future. Let it go! It is ok to feel emotions, but don't hang on to them, and do not stuff it down inside.

You have to acknowledge the pain and release it through healthy outlets. Meditation, talking/venting/crying, sports/working out/yoga, journaling, running/taking a walk, drawing, creating.

Do not ignore it! It will come out one way or another. You want it to come out in a healthy way, not through stress, high blood pressure, drinking, drug abuse, violence, depression, anxiety.

Take negative experiences as a learning experience and grow from it. No pain, no gain. No struggle, no strength.


We need to be understanding and not dismissive. No man is an island. We are all connected. Hurt people, hurt people. So heal yourself so you won't spread negativity. Remain healthy and positive. Protect yourself against negative people. Do not take it personally, realize that they are hurt and projecting their pain.

The only person you can control is yourself. You can't control how people act, but you can control, how you react.

 

[ZoeGod]

Go head nikkas, come in here and bear your souls. We here for you.






















































Naw on the real, the standards we're held to as black men are fukked up. No matter what we're going through, we have gotta be a rock and you touched on it but a lot of times we feel like we can't even speak from a vulnerable place with our sisters out of fear of them losing respect for us and not viewing us a true men. With that said... What we gonna do, cry about it? fukk outta here.

Facts. Crying isnt gonna solve much besides women have this thing there can only be one women in the relationship. The man in house is the general he cannot show any emotion in the heat of battle. Same with QB or point guard. You need a cool head in a hot game. A man crying or just having a breakdown will send fear in a family that things arent going right. Women want a man who can be a rock of stability. And on top of being that being black men we are living in a world that hates us and are plotting our destruction as a people. We have to be the vanguard of our people and the black family. And the black family is as vunerable as its ever been. So there isnt time for emotion. The time is to build, get our money up and provide for our community.

 

[audemarzz]

All this deep thought-provoking convo as I pass by, Alas we've entered the root

 

[Yup]

It just manifested itself in unhealthy ways, he developed a mental illness that went untreated for years. I used to comfort him when I was a baby and even up until he died when I was close to 14. He had no support from my mother who ended up leaving him as well. He used to isolate himself until one day he was just found dead, he committed suicide.

Omg.....im so sorry.

 

[Barnett114]

Women are enough trouble as it is. Why endure the worst of them?

If you have to deal with American Women then preferably stick to Asian or Latina. CAC if there's nothing else available and generally American BW are the lowest you can get. CAC Women are at least apologetic when they fukk up. But they a mess too if they born here.

 

[bouncy]

Facts. Crying isnt gonna solve much besides women have this thing there can only be one women in the relationship. The man in house is the general he cannot show any emotion in the heat of battle. Same with QB or point guard. You need a cool head in a hot game. A man crying or just having a breakdown will send fear in a family that things arent going right. Women want a man who can be a rock of stability. And on top of being that being black men we are living in a world that hates us and are plotting our destruction as a people. We have to be the vanguard of our people and the black family. And the black family is as vunerable as its ever been. So there isnt time for emotion. The time is to build, get our money up and provide for our community.

Crying is good for you. I know when I cry, it seems like the shyt doesn't bother me as much. It's weird but crying seems to harden your emotions to whatever is making you want to cry, at least for me. It's when I used to hold shyt in, that everything will build up, and I would explode when something ticked me off. I guess it's like exercising. When you first start, its hard, and hurts, but the more you do it, the easier the exercise becomes.

I do agree with crying in front of people. People are weak themselves, and want someone to put their weaknesses on, and in most cases its us, so crying in front of them makes you lose your position in their eyes. That doesn't mean you shouldn't cry.

 

[Unolove]

This shyt don't matter like that at the end of the day

 

[Sccit]

THERE ARE SHIITY BLACK MEN AND THERE ARE GOOD WHITE MEN...THERE ARE GOOD BLACK MEN AND THERE ARE SHIITY WHITE MEN. GET OVER IT YA FUCCIN IDIOTS. SHIIT AINT AS COMPLICATED AS YALL TRYNA MAKE IT OUT.