As Millennials Near 40, They’re Approaching Family Life Differently Than Previous Generations
- Thread starter ogc163
- Start date
and just like that this thread turned into TLR 
As for why blacks are less likely to marry, I quite like this explanation put forth by Brett Weinstein:
"You take men out of the population, it undercuts the bargaining position of women in mating, and dating. The men that are still present in that population are in very high demand. Men being men, if they are in high sexual demand, it is hard to get them to settle down. A man who has lots of options is much harder to persuade to become monogamous, and participate in traditional family raising.
What that does is it creates an environment in which you have many more single parent homes, many more children growing up without their fathers present. Which of course hobbles the kids who are raised in that situation because humans are so difficult to raise, costly in terms of time, energy, and resources that one person has a much harder time doing it then a team of two people.
This sets in motion all of the things for which white society imagines that there's some cause inside of being black, when in fact it is a demographic process. A demographic process that unfolds very naturally if you remove a disproportionate number of men from a population and undermine women's bargaining position."
"You take men out of the population, it undercuts the bargaining position of women in mating, and dating. The men that are still present in that population are in very high demand. Men being men, if they are in high sexual demand, it is hard to get them to settle down. A man who has lots of options is much harder to persuade to become monogamous, and participate in traditional family raising.
What that does is it creates an environment in which you have many more single parent homes, many more children growing up without their fathers present. Which of course hobbles the kids who are raised in that situation because humans are so difficult to raise, costly in terms of time, energy, and resources that one person has a much harder time doing it then a team of two people.
This sets in motion all of the things for which white society imagines that there's some cause inside of being black, when in fact it is a demographic process. A demographic process that unfolds very naturally if you remove a disproportionate number of men from a population and undermine women's bargaining position."
A good reason for the decline in marriage is partially because women are more mobile, educated will accept less garbage behavior.
I think in the past a lot of people married, shacked up and stayed together past a relationship expiration date due to survival and limited economic options.
Now women have more economic mobility and will put with less garbage behavior. I work with seniors and I’ve legit heard some of the grievances from older women regarding their frustrations with their spouses.
I’ve come across a couple instances during the pandemic where women in their late 60’s had decided that they had enough, so they moved out and wanted to move on with their life. One woman mentioned it, as the most empowering thing she’s ever done.
She was like the kids are gone and she had already put with enough.
I think a major problem with courtship in general, especially regarding African Americans is that not every one is necessarily on the same page or forward thinking about the future.
Like can you really imagine yourself with someone for 40+ years. That’s a big commitment to make even when you’re young(under 35). What I like in a woman or partner is different than what I liked when I was like 18-21.
from talking to other women who are millennials like myself, this has a lot to do with it. I know another breh said that your wrong and it’s because men propose less but I can concur that both of you are probably right in different ways.
My girls all have a rotation of Brehs—it’s easier than ever for women to get attention, sex, and dates from men via online dating apps and social media. There’s almost an increased level of thirst from brehs these days (and I really I think it’s about brehs just wanting a situation where they can have consistent sex) which is causing women to be pickier because there are so many options. I mean they have dates lined up each week. And all of them have a couple of men that want to lock them down.
This leads them to accept less bs from brehs because they know there’s always another breh waiting in the background. So they may block brehs and ghost brehs for stupid shyt (which I used to do too) all the time and exit unfavorable relationships a lot quicker if they aren’t getting their needs met. Additionally because they all can take care of themselves and are doing well professionally they don’t feel the need to rush into marriage and they won’t men who are on their level.
But here’s the thing on the flip side because they keep rotating brehs and being flaky and fickle they aren’t able to get into serious relationships that would lead to marriage. And in some cases they aren’t interested in the brehs who would probably be the ones to marry them.
Now some of my girls do want to get married but it has to be to a man who meets their standards or they don’t want it. And some of my girls are starting to get to that desperate place where I can see them “settling” just to marry. But some don’t care at all and have accepted they may not get married. What they’ve told me is that there is a huge portion of black men 35 and up on these dating sites that have never married, so I do think brehs are also opting out too.
I know so many older women who have told me never to get married if I can help it. My mom was one of them. All I know is that as much as care for my boyfriend when I’m around him too much he starts to get on my nerves lol—that’s always the case with me with every relationship so i wonder if some people just aren’t cut out for marriage. Numerous studies show that women who never marry and never have kids end up being the happiest group of people in the world once they reach 40.
100% agree.....
Especially the last sentence because women are conditioned to have a family and kids. And when they don't they feel the pressure from family and friends.
But once they don't have kids, they're like fukk it. There's an upside to not having kids, you get to be as selfish as you want when it comes to dating, finances and self-fulfillment.
For me as a single breh, who's not co-dependent, I dodge the question around kids and marriage all the time.
I really enjoy my freedom and not having answer or check up on anyone. Kids are expensive, plus if I can't rise kids in the right environment, with the RIGHT person then I don't want them at all.
I'm lowkey building a financial empire. That'll pass down to my niece and nephew, worst case scenario.
dora_da_destroyer
Master Baker
this became a TLR discussion very quickly *sigh*
ogc163
Superstar
And just like TLR anecdotal evidence that goes against facts and data becomes the norm, once again showcasing why I hardly enter that place.
I find the ambiguity between the generational cut off dates most interesting.
I am old for this site (born in '76) but depending on what you read fall into Gen X only, with Millennial's starting at either 1977 or 1980. I remember cable coming to my town, MTV launching, Oregon Trail in the Library, going through high school without the internet at my house etc, but I was in my late teens when cell phones came out, was on myspace and facebook and internet dating in my 20's etc, so it definitely feels like there is a cusp of some sort that might not be utilized in the Pew data.
A vast majority of my friends fall within 1975-1983...so 3/4's fall into Millennial's....and almost every one of them was married by 30. That skews heavily white based on where I live, but still. I have very few friends and acquaintances 'my age' who didn't get married. Now, the amount of them who got divorced is another topic, but still lol.
I am old for this site (born in '76) but depending on what you read fall into Gen X only, with Millennial's starting at either 1977 or 1980. I remember cable coming to my town, MTV launching, Oregon Trail in the Library, going through high school without the internet at my house etc, but I was in my late teens when cell phones came out, was on myspace and facebook and internet dating in my 20's etc, so it definitely feels like there is a cusp of some sort that might not be utilized in the Pew data.
A vast majority of my friends fall within 1975-1983...so 3/4's fall into Millennial's....and almost every one of them was married by 30. That skews heavily white based on where I live, but still. I have very few friends and acquaintances 'my age' who didn't get married. Now, the amount of them who got divorced is another topic, but still lol.
Kenny West
Veteran
Simps ready to throw a fit already
women thinking they can buy their way out of their role with a degree lol
the men that believe it are women in men's bodies and don't even know it
But but this study said
Omg it sounds like tlr in here
Bet your genetics on gossip mag mental gymnastics brehs
I'm just missin the marriage part.
#GMB is deeply engrained in me, though.
#GMB is deeply engrained in me, though.
Dameon Farrow
Superstar
The problem and only problem is out of wedlock kids at a young age in which the mother/father has to raise the kids alone. Now you gotta work whatever job, run behind somebody to watch kids and it's a bytch to educate yourself further because the kids need attention when you have free time.
I tell these younhsters to get yourself together first and get yourself together well before having kids. Most older folks won't even tell them that. smh
I tell these younhsters to get yourself together first and get yourself together well before having kids. Most older folks won't even tell them that. smh
ogc163
Superstar
I agree with you halfway, the having kids before 25 is a trap that's hard to get out of, but folks is bugging trying to avoid marriage. Its weird talking to cats in my circle who are cool being fathers without getting married.
Dameon Farrow
Superstar
A lot of that is ignorance to the plus side of marriage and a general distrudt of the opposite sex. Thanks to internet forums and the internet being a place for folks with failed martiages to spread their story there is a lot of misconceptions.
Now granted marriage isn't for everybody but I personally feel a lot of this eould even out if there were less single parents out there.
More folks who wanna be married would be more attractive to the market. Single parents aren't as valuable to someone who is childless. Just a plain fact.
ogc163
Superstar
Covid-19 'baby bump' brought an increased US fertility rate in 2021 -- but also record high preterm births | CNN
The number of babies born each year in the United States has been steadily dropping since the Great Recession of 2008. When the Covid-19 pandemic hit and brought another burst of uncertainty, many expected an even steeper dropoff.
www.cnn.com