Anybody Else Feel Dead Inside?

[Hathaway]

And like other posters said, this isn't a place conductive to venting

Its better than nothing though.

 

[Complexion]

I feel like a background character in a shytty sitcom and I'm just here to take up space. Thing is, I know what I want to do in life, I'm taking the steps to do that, I got hobbies but it doesn't really feel like anything.

This is actually something that is literally at the heart of my project to uplift because its a side effect of living a life inauthentic. It wouldn't be an understatement to say I've seen more than a little bit and have spoken to people from all walks of life including friends in high and low places and they all have one thing in common:

"Is this it?"

Obviously the rich can afford better distractions and the poor have it forced into their awareness virtually every moment they exist but they all wrestle with the issue that something as wrong as it is subtle and pervasive when it comes to their existence. The solution, like most, is obvious once grasped but its ridiculously hard to see because people are addicted to what is making them sick and that is their previous way of thinking, being and doing.

Living in a nutshell because too many people feel they came to Earth to serve out a life sentence and are simply filling in days till death, going through the motions and feeling next to nothing within whilst having to mimic the signals of happiness in order not to be seen as a weirdo by everyone else.

People live inside a concept I call the Mind Made Prison. Instead of questioning how they got into the cell they choose instead to see if they can fill it with trinkets, comforts and distractions so they don't have to acknowledge the truth of the present moment as the implications are earth shattering and they already feel to weak from fighting the battles of life and are tired. The way out of this is a process I call The Path of Power and I've been walking it for ages. Or I had walked it for ages.

I stepped off all my practices and stopped applying my insight a few months ago in an experiment to see how it felt to be well adjusted to a society that is terrible and its awful. Isn't it interesting that that word should actually mean full of awe but doesn't?

Anyway, I say that to say this, now that I know what its like here where most people dwell I can formulate a plan to implement the steps in a way that is clear and effective because ultimately there is one thing and one thing only we are all seeking as human beings, its something we possessed stepping into this realm and very, very few keep intact for longer than six years on the planet:

Coherence.

That really is it. Thats what its all about because if you've got that then the rest just falls into place and that is what makes the bars of the Mind Made Prison visible as you realize that freedom can only come from within as the key was always hung around your neck but fear and ignorance prevented you from looking at it and untwisting the limits. I'm going to start sharing the methods, its up to you if you choose to implement.

Here are some previous thoughts on the topic:

Freedom is an Inside Job

You were born magnificent and that potential still exists within. The problem is you’re scared of it now because you’ve been dumbed down. Indoctrinated and driven half crazed by a combination of fa…

willhelp.me

Here’s to the Crazy Ones

Everyone has someone who is crazy in their family, they may not be locked up in a padded cell with psychotropics pumped into their flesh to dampen their madness but there is always one who is diffe…

willhelp.me

The Difference Between a Hero and a Coward

Nobody is born phenomenal, we don’t start at the peak. Its a point that we meet after years of endurance, tests and often life getting the best of us in these attacks. Sometimes they come on all fr…

willhelp.me

 

[Still Benefited]

Well congratulations OP,you finally woke the hell up#Welcome. This is the first step in realizing you have been bamboozled. Realizing you are living out the Europeans mind/reality. Black men dont have our own identity really,only in parts. But overall the programming still takes precedent.


All you need to do now is embrace how you feel. Youve realized you are in a zoo. But sounds like now you want to find ways to be more comfortable in the zoo through "therapist".


No thats not what you do. Now you need to be a man who is solutions based. Figure out a plan on how you can get you and your family out of this zoo#Amerikkka.

The bad news is that will likely involve the hamster wheel still. And once youve woken up,its even more torture on that wheel,because now you know better.


But at least now I know why Im doing what im doing. I place no value in money for anything but my freedom basically. Im working to buy my way off the plantation. I need as much of this fake fiat monopoly currency I can get by 2028. I swear if I didnt have a family I would just up and leave and try to figure it out. But im too old to fail and have to start over. So best I get my ducks in order,and never have to look back. Suicide is never the answer. Its for people who lack imagination to create solutions. If you ever get that feeling I suggest seeking more information in general. Problem with therapist is they will give you a limited view. Thecoli is actually the perfect place to come

 

[levitate]

He was feeling on you with his hands…

 

[Uncouth Savage]

The man who worked at burger king for 27 years did so partly for the insurance
knowing his family would be covered

seems like hell to most
makes sense to him

life can be very difficult
be positive
as much as you can

 

[Kuma the Bear]

‎

 

[010101]

once again as it has already been said

SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP

*

 

[maxamusa]

OP; I always check your threads because I appreciate you. Your posts are always authentic and raw. It's difficult to be vulnerable. Its gonna sound corny and generic AF but you need to find something you REALLY love.

Substances/p*ssy don't fill a void(although people like us still need it from time to time). You seem like an interesting guy who probably needs to tap into his creative side or get a hobby that fuels that adrenaline.

I was wild AF as a youth. Most of my hobbies are pretty extreme that feed that need.

You also gotta know yourself and accept who you are. I'm not trying to be funny and diss but a couple of these rants include stuff about sexuality.
You seem like a good dude and have kids man so I hope you can figure it out; otherwise that would be real selfish.

The men who can't make time for themselves tend to end up miserable.

 

[Gloxina]

The lack of emotion you described is called anhedonia, I personally feel it follows as a numbing effect after years of hypersensitivity to emotion you've suppressed and is a coping strategy that can then spiral dangerously downwards as lack of feeling sucks all the meaning out of life.

Suicide is never an option for reasons way beyond the scope of this reply as the implications are immense and exceedingly real. Not just for yourself. Congratulate yourself on doing the right thing and calling before checking out, 3AM is a dangerous time to be awake and its quite frequent on The Coli:

Do you regularly wake up at the same time in the middle of the night?

By regularly I mean at least a 2 out of 7 days. If so click the poll with what times this is please. Poll is anonymous and unlimited as people often rise twice in my experience. Also this isn't your usual kind of getting up after a nights sleep, it can be described as "One moment you're asleep...

www.thecoli.com

Your issue, as I intuit, is unexpressed anger and a deep seated rage as well as sadness/grief you haven't allowed yourself to fully feel. Learn how to box, its very liberating once you've been punched in the face and handed out a two piece in return plus it generates a totally different kind of more sustainable euphoria when you're facing off against someone in the ring. Excellent healthy release.

Also, when you're out driving in your car scream, yell and just let whats inside out. Grab a red pen and notepad - write down what you feel because then it is "outside" and offers a far more objective perspective as well as release from carrying the tension. Taking a walk in the forest, along a beach and uphill and imagining you are breathing out your tension as a dark smoke with each forceful exhalation (longer outbreath than in) can induce euphoria quite quickly as well due to the synergy and natural assistance of the environment which helps with finding equilibrium.

Once you start doing these things as a method of lessening the burden of a life of not expressing your authentic emotions you'll see the real start to poke through and thats when the real fun begins. What you experienced is perfectly regular and should be prized as its the start of a realization that you've been living a masked existence and are now just awakening to the reality of the garbage within which has accumulated over time and must be dealt with.

@Doobie Doos idea of a bowel cleanse may have been in jest but there is a lot of truth in that as the intestines "hold on" to unprocessed emotion so that can help a lot but in your case I feel its definitely anger and that usually prefers a more direct vent so find something constructively destructive.

Wow I think this post hits home for many of us. Thank you for sharing this detailed, thoughtful response with us all.

 

[Ghost Utmost]

I don't feel like I will have real fun ever again.

 

[Krs2]

This are soul problems. After years of questioning religion i realized that it is useful on stuff like this

Medication and psychology will not help start reading the scriptures especially the Psalms

 

[Complexion]

I don't feel like I will have real fun ever again.

You know "Real fun" is an anagram of "Funeral", right? Don't wait till its too late breh, you need lips to laugh.

First step is to consider why you think what you think because that is limiting your options. The subsconscious takes in 20 000 000 bits of info per second. The conscious mind gets to see 40 bits per second of that.

If you're running patterns which say "I can't have fun" "Nobody wants to have sex with me" "Life is pointless" then that is what filters the potential so you don't see the opportunities that were right in front of you. This is why winners always win and whiners always find something to whine about. Its also why you see red 4x4s everywhere once your friend buys one but they were invisible before.

Same process so use it for your benefit and question your assumptions and attitudes to see if they really are valid and if they serve your best intentions. If not, rewrite them and see what happens.

 

[Jean Jacket]

Help an elderly person and let them thank you by talking with them and getting some wisdom.


You will learn to appreciate the gamut...from numbness to being overwhelmed.

Join a competition. There is something about competing with other people or things in essence, makes life more visceral.

 

[Amo Husserl]

Don't know how old you are, but I hit this point around my mid-teens. Didn't do anything illegal but always understood I was searching for something, something I couldn't quite articulate until I got older. You want closure about what relates to you. Before graduating from high school, I had a born again moment and spent years redeveloping myself. I wanted to reach my truest potential at the expense of everything and everyone else around me. To want that is selfish and you toe certain moral lines in how you deal with people (nothing illegal).
Your thoughts about life and people are probably changing. Difference between us is that I recognized a family was out of the question early because all family seemed to do for me was hold me back. All pr0n, drugs and procrastination ever did was hold me back, all my circle did was hold me back. I decided to abstain, I knew it would take a while. Abstain from sex; from romance; from drinking; from smoking; fast; drink more water; exercise; cultivate deeper understanding. I've learned some things about myself people spend a lifetime attempting to figure out about themselves. I had to break the moral compass given to me by society and develop my own and I'm all the more content about it.
You need to start thinking more proactively and outgrow some things in your surroundings, shed some people and behaviors and learn to walk on your own. I've dealt with suicidal thoughts until I gave myself and indomitable reason to live, I still struggle from time to time but far less now than I did then. Sure, I've become harder, darker, sacrificed some discipline and moral fiber, but it was a necessary sacrifice to develop myself into somethin greater if I remain steadfast to the directive I gave myself.
Broke down one night listening to Bjork, it don't get any more pathetic than that.


"Don't get angry with yourself
Don't, don't get angry with yourself
I'll heal you
With a razorblade
I'll cut a slit open
And the luminous beam
Feeds you honey, heals you
Don't get angry with yourself
I'll heal you, i'll heal you
Luminous, i'll heal you"

 

[Satsui no Hadou]

Aside from dealing with uncertainty, I think overall I’m pretty happy. I’m just a dude in some random part of the world doing what I think is right. If you ever find yourself in an existential crisis, just listen to the wise words of solid snake: