Any ladies feel lost in the dating game?

[Yinny]

.

 

[Raava]

A lot of this is much easier said than done. I see his point because it's really been a lived experience despite my best intentions, but it's confusing as hell.

I agree life is hard, and no body is going to be perfect or have it all together while dating, I'm not saying that. But if your best foot forward is you on a work in progress and they don't want you then because of that even tho you are a good person and upfront with them do you really want them? Like I said dating is about learning I believe the core of who people are always shows through so if they are still working on it they can be better but if at their core you don't like them then nothing they do will change that, not them trying to win you over, nothing. If they do it's temporary.

 

[philmonroe]

I don't agree. An individual should be striving to self improve, be successful in what they choose, have their shyt together on GP. That makes you a catch aside from personality. With that in mind in dating you should be upfornt, put your best real foot forward for what you want. You are showing what you have to offer a companion and the person either wants that, yall click or they don't.

I'm not going sit there while a guy puts me against another woman like she is doing this for me what are you going to do? I'm going to let her have him he is for what I can do not who I am. If OP is trying to wait till marriage and a guy is like I like you but this other woman is going to sleep with me so now what you gone do? She should sleep with him just so he might choose her? Nah they need to both move around. They are in 2 different pages want different things.

People are going to compare and contrast when dating and they should. Some people are better for some than others. Some people have things they need to work on and dating helps with that. But you shouldn't be trying to compete and win someone over by being something you aren't, compromising yourself or doing things you aren't going to keep up. Then they don't want you for you, you are never going to be enough and you will be replaced anyway.

All that stuff you describing is competing whether you like it or not. I understand its also to better yourself but its part of the competition. If you have a nice body, money, funny, etc its for you of course but to say that isn't part of the competition in that it could help make you seem like a better option to some? Nah. I don't mean you actually having a battle for dude but you have to be better than someone to get picked in most cases when its not much difference between people most times.

Maybe I was a smidge janky in my explanation of competition but that's what I meant when saying it not actually you and someone battling it out right then and there lol. I agree you shouldn't switch who,you are and I never said you should I'm just a believer the things we do for better or worse are to try to make you look better as a catch to those you are trying to get. I hope I explained better this time what I was trying to say.

 

[Raava]

All that stuff you describing is competing whether you like it or not. I understand its also to better yourself but its part of the competition. If you have a nice body, money, funny, etc its for you of course but to say that isn't part of the competition in that it could help make you seem like a better option to some? Nah. I don't mean you actually having a battle for dude but you have to be better than someone to get picked in most cases when its not much difference between people most times.

Maybe I was a smidge janky in my explanation of competition but that's what I meant when saying it not actually you and someone battling it out right then and there lol. I agree you shouldn't switch who,you are and I never said you should I'm just a believer the things we do for better or worse are to try to make you look better as a catch to those you are trying to get. I hope I explained better this time what I was trying to say.

I didn't say it wasn't a part of dating it is and yes in nature it's natural selection/competition, life is a competition etc...But competing in the sense of what I took the OP to mean no you should not as I gave with my example. That was my point, there are women out here and men battling it out to get chosen, be the main, etc... you shouldn't do that. You shouldn't compromise yourself just to have somebody.

 

[philmonroe]

I didn't say it wasn't a part of dating it is and yes in nature it's natural selection/competition, life is a competition etc...But competing in the sense of what I took the OP to mean no you should not as I gave with my example.

Thats why I clarified to make sure we were on the same page as far as what I was saying. I hear you now.

 

[Raava]

Thats why I clarified to make sure we were on the same page as far as what I was saying. I hear you now.

Gotcha

 

[Elle Driver]

You know it's such a debacle because being pure is seen as lame.

 

[Gold]

You know it's such a debacle because being pure is seen as lame.

Being pure is a rarity and a Godsend these days

Yeah ya'll can be a lil corny or lame, but that's a small price to pay for a good ass woman.












I need to get married....

 

[Malt-O-Meal]

Yeah I feel exactly what you're saying @Holy Berry and I currently have a boyfriend, but it was hard before and still iffy right now. I definitely agree with the posts made by @Raava, you have to be strong in your beliefs and self. And be real careful, although you'll still make some missteps. I can't tell you how many times I was honest and upfront and darn near blunt about what I was looking for and what I'll accept but the guy was determined. They'll sell you dreams and act right for a bit only to turn around and have their real colors show.

That's the issue I really find hard to navigate, guys who aren't truthful and will play a part until they get what they want or can't take not getting what they want. You'll have respectable guys who realize they aren't compatible with you, after you discuss what you're looking for, and let you be. I appreciate that. On the other hand you'll have snakes who know you're not on the same page, will try to convince you otherwise, and then disaster happens. It's a little easier if you catch it in the beginning but a headache when it's discovered further down the line. One guy I dated was like that to a tee, he was great for the first 6 months but then he started showed his ass. It was really difficult as I had devoted so much time to him that I felt strung along and deceived.

 

[Malt-O-Meal]

Being pure is a rarity and Godsend these days

Yeah ya'll can be a lil corny or lame, but that's a small price to pay for a good ass woman.












I need to get married....

Lol to whom? I've had guys in the past cringe at the idea that I was a virgin. It was so bad sometimes that they had me convinced that I was weird and abnormal, that being a virgin was a disadvantage.

And don't let you not be remotely religious, it's like you become pariah. I've seen good girls, pretty ones, chewed up and spit out or overlooked because they're not about that talking (we don't need titles bs men say)or promiscuous lifestyle.

 

[Elle Driver]

Being pure is a rarity and a Godsend these days

Yeah ya'll can be a lil corny or lame, but that's a small price to pay for a good ass woman.












I need to get married....

@Holy Berry has a very old school traditional set of values that she sticks by which is very admirable. I'm not that way at all.

 

[philmonroe]

Lol to whom? I've had guys in the past cringe at the idea that I was a virgin. It was so bad sometimes that they had me convinced that I was weird and abnormal, that being a virgin was a disadvantage.

And don't let you not be remotely religious, it's like you become pariah. I've seen good girls, pretty ones, chewed up and spit out or overlooked because they're not about that talking (we don't need titles bs men say)or promiscuous lifestyle.

I'm not going to lie this sounds almost like the dudes with their "nice guy" routine. I think both crews are full of it and don't want those who are in their "lane".

 

[Gold]

Lol to whom? I've had guys in the past cringe at the idea that I was a virgin. It was so bad sometimes that they had me convinced that I was weird and abnormal, that being a virgin was a disadvantage.

And don't let you not be remotely religious, it's like you become pariah. I've seen good girls, pretty ones, chewed up and spit out or overlooked because they're not about that talking (we don't need titles bs men say)or promiscuous lifestyle.

Being a virgin is a huge disadvantage if you're dating non-virgins, no lies told there.

As far as religion... I don't see why anyone who's even the slightest bit religious would consider a serious relationship with a person who doens't hold the same beliefs. That's asking for trouble from the jump

 

[Gold]

@Holy Berry has a very old school traditional set of values that she sticks by which is very admirable. I'm not that way at all.

She'll be alright

 

[Malt-O-Meal]

Being a virgin is a huge disadvantage if you're dating non-virgins, no lies told there.

As far as religion... I don't see why anyone who's even the slightest bit religious would consider a serious relationship with a person who doens't hold the same beliefs. That's asking for trouble from the jump

The problem is finding guys who are religious and non-virgins. The way things are now, finding men who like either of those is very slim. After a while some women tend to compromise themselves and give in, then end up even more unhappy. Not to mention the guys who don't who say they don't have a problem with it or lie and say they are Christian etc.