Would you date an effeminate man?

[Malcolmxxx_23]

@Colicat is dating one now
Look how unhappy she is

 

[Aphrodite]

Yes but he can't be scary/a coward.

 

[⠝⠕⠏⠑]

Nope. I don't even like thinking about them.

 

[Neuromancer]

Yes but he can't be scary/a coward.

What if he is?

 

[Aphrodite]

What if he is?

I wouldn't even date a girl like that

 

[Brofato]

Those were mind games/power plays that Prince indulged in, not masculinity. However, he struck a balance of effemininity and masculinity that made people embrace it...accept it...and love him for it.

Now to seriously answer your question in the OP - Honestly I could deal with a coy man who has uncertainty about things in life...I'll chalk that up to being...human. Not every man is a caveman, macho, man's man, or super/hyper masculine.

My issue would be decision making skills and leadership skills. I like my opinion to be sought-after and considered in important matters but the ultimate decision is his ( I can give him that because I would choose a man whose skills I will trust and subsequently follow...) If it's everyday mundane things and he's indecisive, I can deal with it...as long as I see a progressive effort to improve over time.

The other effeminate qualities that I would consider is like splitting hairs for me (ie - If he gets a manicure/pedicure that is fine with me but If he gets glossy/shiny clear polish on his nails or toes, that isn't cool with me. Neither are long nails even if it is just the pinky nails. I don't mind 1 earring but it can't be a hoop or one that dangles. Tats are fine as long as it isn't on his lower back or thigh...and preferably not an exes name. I don't mind if he goes to the spa or gets facials or massages. If he's into body building I don't mind shaved forearms or legs. However, he should not get them waxed...that includes eyebrows. I don't mind cut pubes but it can't be a design or completely bare. Crying is ok, expressing feelings with more than a grunt is fine, and plenty of affection is good. A soft, gentle voice is ok but it can't be high-pitched. Long hair is cool but it has to be locs...not straight or worn in a ponytail, braids/plaits or bun. Colorful clothes, pastels even are fine as long as he doesn't wear red shoes. Fragrance is fine as long as I don't smell him before I see him...I prefer to smell it if I am hugging him/in his personal space. Gold teeth are fine but not the bedazzled kind. Dancing is fine as long as it isn't 'routine' dancing or the new dance that's in. Cooking is fine but not baking cakes/pies...I prefer him to grill. I can't stand a man who argues or goes back and forth with me...hate it with a purple passion....I respect him to have his say and then drop it. Being angry and being a little standoffish until it resides is fine but straight up giving me 'tude or silent treatment is not ok...at all. Frowns are ok but yelling, sighing, rolling eyes, clapping hands, hands on hips, sucking teeth are too bytchy for me! Recounting a story is ok with me but straight up gossiping is horrible to me.) See? I told you it's like splitting hairs with me...and I didn't even list everything!
You can't tell how a man will display any of the 'typically' female traits/activities I wrote about - All at once, here or there, or rarely. So, it's just easier/safer to go with a man who displays typical male traits.

That's a weird and fine line to walk.

Like, red shoes. Shoes are shoes and colors are colors. I wear black most of the time but I've recently been branching out.

I can rock the shyt out of a pink jacket cause that shyt looks good on me.

As for the baking aspect, if you grow up and live by yourself without learning to cook something you're craving, then you lost as an adult, in my view.

The way women think is kinda weird to me but I sorta get it. Responding to dominance seems to be the main thing, though. The way I see it, a lot of these things could be negated if ol' boy is sure of himself.

Like with the question about Prince. Dude ran through p*ssy like it was his life's mission. From that story about the date, it seemed like he wasn't playing games, just excellent at asserting dominance.

A lot of this thinking I know can't be helped but it kinda helps to reinforce things like men not crying without being perceived as weak or effeminate. As far as I can remember, I've only cried about once, maybe twice in the past 10 years or so. I don't particularly understand the point of it but the way I've seen it explained it might help a lot of people with some shyt.

 

[PlainSight]

Interesting read so far

 

[™BlackPearl The Empress™]

Good on you. Progressive.

How is that progressive?

 

[Disclosure]

Pisces men lose again

 

[TAYLONDO SAMSWORTHY]

Monitoring this thread like.

That smiley looks like asap rocky in 5 years

 

[Ol’Otis]

Those were mind games/power plays that Prince indulged in, not masculinity. However, he struck a balance of effemininity and masculinity that made people embrace it...accept it...and love him for it.

Now to seriously answer your question in the OP - Honestly I could deal with a coy man who has uncertainty about things in life...I'll chalk that up to being...human. Not every man is a caveman, macho, man's man, or super/hyper masculine.

My issue would be decision making skills and leadership skills. I like my opinion to be sought-after and considered in important matters but the ultimate decision is his ( I can give him that because I would choose a man whose skills I will trust and subsequently follow...) If it's everyday mundane things and he's indecisive, I can deal with it...as long as I see a progressive effort to improve over time.

The other effeminate qualities that I would consider is like splitting hairs for me (ie - If he gets a manicure/pedicure that is fine with me but If he gets glossy/shiny clear polish on his nails or toes, that isn't cool with me. Neither are long nails even if it is just the pinky nails. I don't mind 1 earring but it can't be a hoop or one that dangles. Tats are fine as long as it isn't on his lower back or thigh...and preferably not an exes name. I don't mind if he goes to the spa or gets facials or massages. If he's into body building I don't mind shaved forearms or legs. However, he should not get them waxed...that includes eyebrows. I don't mind cut pubes but it can't be a design or completely bare. Crying is ok, expressing feelings with more than a grunt is fine, and plenty of affection is good. A soft, gentle voice is ok but it can't be high-pitched. Long hair is cool but it has to be locs...not straight or worn in a ponytail, braids/plaits or bun. Colorful clothes, pastels even are fine as long as he doesn't wear red shoes. Fragrance is fine as long as I don't smell him before I see him...I prefer to smell it if I am hugging him/in his personal space. Gold teeth are fine but not the bedazzled kind. Dancing is fine as long as it isn't 'routine' dancing or the new dance that's in. Cooking is fine but not baking cakes/pies...I prefer him to grill. I can't stand a man who argues or goes back and forth with me...hate it with a purple passion....I respect him to have his say and then drop it. Being angry and being a little standoffish until it resides is fine but straight up giving me 'tude or silent treatment is not ok...at all. Frowns are ok but yelling, sighing, rolling eyes, clapping hands, hands on hips, sucking teeth are too bytchy for me! Recounting a story is ok with me but straight up gossiping is horrible to me.) See? I told you it's like splitting hairs with me...and I didn't even list everything!
You can't tell how a man will display any of the 'typically' female traits/activities I wrote about - All at once, here or there, or rarely. So, it's just easier/safer to go with a man who displays typical male traits.

 

[PlainSight]

How is that progressive?

Perhaps in the sense that it is against the grain and represents a quantum leap in attitudes towards people who don't fit the typical binary of traditionally masculine men and traditionally feminine women. I wouldn't go ahead and call it that progressive personally because it's not like guys who are effeminate and/or sensitive don't still find women who are attracted to them.

I think it's a good thing if some men who aren't the traditional man are able to be themselves and if that is them being effeminate then so be it - would rather that and have them deal with it than them trying to bottle it up to be who they aren't and end up fukked up internally somehow or take it out on others .

And on the other hand, an important part of that is accepting that not every woman is going to be interested in that

 

[StickStickly]

I've been there with an ex. He couldn't even order fast food himself. I didn't like it not because it was effeminate but because he had too much insecurity and would go on rages directed at me about it later. He felt ashamed so he would take it out on me. No thank you.

 

[Neuromancer]

How is that progressive?

I'm being sarcastic.

 

[Neuromancer]

Perhaps in the sense that it is against the grain and represents a quantum leap in attitudes towards people who don't fit the typical binary of traditionally masculine men and traditionally feminine women. I wouldn't go ahead and call it that progressive personally because it's not like guys who are effeminate and/or sensitive don't still find women who are attracted to them.

I think it's a good thing if some men who aren't the traditional man are able to be themselves and if that is them being effeminate then so be it - would rather that and have them deal with it than them trying to bottle it up to be who they aren't and end up fukked up internally somehow or take it out on others .

And on the other hand, an important part of that is accepting that not every woman is going to be interested in that

I was being sarcastic.