Why do villians always employ goons who can't fight or shoot for shyt?

DaylitoJames

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:laff: that man made a business decision

this is exactly the type of material that needs to be in that Goon comic/cartoon series.

I picture the cartoon being a bit like Looney Tunes in the sense that the main character has a million lives. Pretty much I see the first episode starting off with him at the bar knocking down a brew. There should be some narration/inner monologue akin to Sin City. The character should be talking about how hard it is making it in the goon world. How there's low pay and shytty benefits and never consistent work. And some shyt about how he always dreamed of being a hollywood star.

The camera pans out and in the bar you see a bunch of fukked up characters playing pool, cards, and darts while rehabbing injuries. You'll see some power rangers silly putty folks, some ninjas, maybe a dbz character, you know just a collage of who's who's.

shyt could be a hilarious 15mn thing on Adult Swim. The idea would be to just make episodes about everyday shyt but from the perspective of a goon.
Lets put this thread on Seth Green's Twitter page
 

DaylitoJames

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This thread reminds me of the episode of Family Matters where before The Dragons destroyed Rachael's Place and gave Eddie that work :lolbron:... sorry I had to laugh at that... Eddie decided he wanted to boss up against The Dragons and Waldo who was the loyalest dumbest goon on the show showed the most intelligence he's ever displayed other than shacking up with Maxine:

Eddie: If you wanna destroy this place you got go through me :stopitslime:..... and my sister...
Laura: YEAH!:stopitslime:
Eddie: ... and Rachael...
Rachael: YEAH!:stopitslime:
Eddie: ... and Steve...
Steve: YEAH!:stopitslime:
Eddie: ... and Waldo...
Waldo: :huhldup:
Eddie: Waldo?
Waldo: :merchant:
Eddie: Waldo you there?
Waldo: Uh... has anyone seen Waldo? :whoo::whew:
 

KravenMorehead™

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This goon gets a :salute: from me
i remember this shyt:russ:

This thread reminds me of the episode of Family Matters where before The Dragons destroyed Rachael's Place and gave Eddie that work :lolbron:... sorry I had to laugh at that... Eddie decided he wanted to boss up against The Dragons and Waldo who was the loyalest dumbest goon on the show showed the most intelligence he's ever displayed other than shacking up with Maxine:

Eddie: If you wanna destroy this place you got go through me :stopitslime:..... and my sister...
Laura: YEAH!:stopitslime:
Eddie: ... and Rachael...
Rachael: YEAH!:stopitslime:
Eddie: ... and Steve...
Steve: YEAH!:stopitslime:
Eddie: ... and Waldo...
Waldo: :huhldup:
Eddie: Waldo?
Waldo: :merchant:
Eddie: Waldo you there?
Waldo: Uh... has anyone seen Waldo? :whoo::whew:
i never saw this but now i want to:laff:perfect smiley execution
 

Notorious 1 E.Y.E.

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This thread reminds me of the episode of Family Matters where before The Dragons destroyed Rachael's Place and gave Eddie that work :lolbron:... sorry I had to laugh at that... Eddie decided he wanted to boss up against The Dragons and Waldo who was the loyalest dumbest goon on the show showed the most intelligence he's ever displayed other than shacking up with Maxine:

Eddie: If you wanna destroy this place you got go through me :stopitslime:..... and my sister...
Laura: YEAH!:stopitslime:
Eddie: ... and Rachael...
Rachael: YEAH!:stopitslime:
Eddie: ... and Steve...
Steve: YEAH!:stopitslime:
Eddie: ... and Waldo...
Waldo: :huhldup:
Eddie: Waldo?
Waldo: :merchant:
Eddie: Waldo you there?
Waldo: Uh... has anyone seen Waldo? :whoo::whew:
you know whats funny
waldo was actually a goon in the begining and would of whooped that nikkas ass
then he got turned into a mega doofus
 

tru_m.a.c

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i think it's similar to why wile e. coyote kept buying substandard weapons from Acme. on some deep subconscious level i think most of them want to be stopped by the hero. this much failure might be a cry for help

:russ: episodes of goons on the psych couch would be pretty hilarious

Cats gotta have PTSD. Talking about "I sleep with a night light on cause I'm scared of shadows. Batman is everywhere"
 

Suiken

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It's a tradition, breh. Hire a very skilled goon and the protagonist won't last in the film. :mjlol:

Another question is why cops always arrives late? This nikkas always show up only after the main protag beat up the villain and his goons.
 

The Devil's Advocate

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:yeshrug: Villains ain't rich enough to buy elite level goons.
for real... you have 100 goons on your squad.. paying them 1000 a week is still 100k a week.. and that's not any type of pay an elite goon is gonna accept..

these movie nikkas got 1000 goons and shyt... they most of the time just need bodies with guns to scare away other bytch ass goons... they are never prepared for that superhero, action hero work
 
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