Why do a lot of married men seem so miserable?

[threattonature]

The timelines and expectations are killing people's happiness. Life isn't a checklist where if you check off all these boxes then you win. Not everyone should get married. Not everyone should have kids. And that's OK. Comparison is the thief of joy.

My ex was my best friend. We had a lot in common we were close to getting married but differences became apparent. Our timelines for marriage and kids didnt match up. She became highly religious. I am not. She began attempting to push it on me and I grew resentful. She was not frugal, I was. Her family was trashy, came with a lot of drama, and not necessarily my cup of tea. She had lots of issues regarding mental health and past traumas she was still working through. Had I ignored all that and married her I would've lived the rest of my life unhappy or divorced her in a few years and be looking in an even smaller dating pool.

It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. Even though I ended the relationship sometimes I still miss her but I know it was the best decision for the both of us. I think some people get comfortable and too afraid of change that they don't make the decision to end it when dealbreakers are presented. It's not easy. But it's worth it.

All facts. My baby momma is still my best friend to this day. We never got married due to some of the things you mentioned. I realized our view on money was too different. We had some personality differences that I knew would prevent me from ever being totally happy in a relationship with her despite the chemistry we have. She was fine as fukk and my friends thought I was nuts for not marrying her when they see us together but I wasn't trying to be stuck in a relationship with someone that was so emotionally draining. There were times where I'd hang out with her and start to reconsider but then she would say or do something that let me know I made the right decision. I've always been the type that would rather be single than stuck in a bad relationship.

 

[drugxglory]

nikka said the only reason he aint killed himself or his wife was cause he was cheating

Holy shyt

 

[JNew]

All facts. My baby momma is still my best friend to this day. We never got married due to some of the things you mentioned. I realized our view on money was too different. We had some personality differences that I knew would prevent me from ever being totally happy in a relationship with her despite the chemistry we have. She was fine as fukk and my friends thought I was nuts for not marrying her when they see us together but I wasn't trying to be stuck in a relationship with someone that was so emotionally draining. There were times where I'd hang out with her and start to reconsider but then she would say or do something that let me know I made the right decision. I've always been the type that would rather be single than stuck in a bad relationship.

You’re a part of the problem. Any man or woman who has a child together and are not married regardless of circumstances is a bytch.

And this brings us to the problems of modern dating. Way too many beta males running around not taking care of their business.

 

[Kiyoshi-Dono]

People have wild expectations on what love and marriage is
That’s where shyt starts getting fukked up
Go into marriage with none and the shyt is beautiful
My wife and I don’t ask for anything but to just be present
People having wild ass things they want their partners to do, say and react
Then get they feelings hurt when shyt don’t go they way
Thus the misery
Once you meet a person that views the shyt for what it is and not what Disney told them

 

[Ohene]

The timelines and expectations are killing people's happiness. Life isn't a checklist where if you check off all these boxes then you win. Not everyone should get married. Not everyone should have kids. And that's OK. Comparison is the thief of joy.

My ex was my best friend. We had a lot in common we were close to getting married but differences became apparent. Our timelines for marriage and kids didnt match up. She became highly religious. I am not. She began attempting to push it on me and I grew resentful. She was not frugal, I was. Her family was trashy, came with a lot of drama, and not necessarily my cup of tea. She had lots of issues regarding mental health and past traumas she was still working through. Had I ignored all that and married her I would've lived the rest of my life unhappy or divorced her in a few years and be looking in an even smaller dating pool.

It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. Even though I ended the relationship sometimes I still miss her but I know it was the best decision for the both of us. I think some people get comfortable and too afraid of change that they don't make the decision to end it when dealbreakers are presented. It's not easy. But it's worth it.

@threattonature

I know what you mean cydaquil. I was in a similar situation with my recent ex. Toughest decision I had to make but the right decision. Lets think about this though brehs. What is true compatability? I think that searching for that perfect person is actually where a lot of people go wrong. You can find that person who seems perfectly compatible only to move in together and uncover the real her/vice versa. You can find somebody who is perfectly compatible only to have them change due to factors beyond your control.

I think its relatively simple.

1. Are you relatively attracted to the person - enough where you want to have sex with them consistently?
2. Do you enjoy spending time with them?
3. Do yall want the same things outta your relationship/life?
4. Are you both willing to do whats necessary to get #3 - be it compromise, sacrifice, communicate etc.

I think that's relatively enough to stand on. Attraction is cool and all but as somebody who has fukked a lot of attractive women, you realize that they arent worth the headache.

On the flipside, one cannot live in fear when it comes to relationship; there is a fine line between pragmatism and fear. At some point you have to use your discernment and take the plunge or just give up on long term relationships altogether.

 

[Ohene]

People have wild expectations on what love and marriage is
That’s where shyt starts getting fukked up
Go into marriage with none and the shyt is beautiful
My wife and I don’t ask for anything but to just be present
People having wild ass things they want their partners to do, say and react
Then get they feelings hurt when shyt don’t go they way
Thus the misery
Once you meet a person that views the shyt for what it is and not what Disney told them

I always tell people, "ego and expectations is what kills relationships"

 

[Peruvian Connect]

Women always switch up. That's the problem.

 

[threattonature]

@threattonature

I know what you mean cydaquil. I was in a similar situation with my recent ex. Toughest decision I had to make but the right decision. Lets think about this though brehs. What is true compatability? I think that searching for that perfect person is actually where a lot of people go wrong. You can find that person who seems perfectly compatible only to move in together and uncover the real her/vice versa. You can find somebody who is perfectly compatible only to have them change due to factors beyond your control.

I think its relatively simple.

1. Are you relatively attracted to the person - enough where you want to have sex with them consistently?
2. Do you enjoy spending time with them?
3. Do yall want the same things outta your relationship/life?
4. Are you both willing to do whats necessary to get #3 - be it compromise, sacrifice, communicate etc.

I think that's relatively enough to stand on. Attraction is cool and all but as somebody who has fukked a lot of attractive women, you realize that they arent worth the headache.

On the flipside, one cannot live in fear when it comes to relationship; there is a fine line between pragmatism and fear. At some point you have to use your discernment and take the plunge or just give up on long term relationships altogether.

That summed up perfectly why mine didn't work out. Had 1 and 2 but 3 and 4 was the problem. She wasn't willing to hear criticism so anytime we'd discuss relationship issues she had no problem telling me what I could better, the second I mentioned any slight thing it would turn into World War 3. Decided then I couldn't be with someone I couldn't communicate with. We gave it another try later in life and the same issue existed. Plus I was about saving for the future and she was a big time spender. Plus she was really selfish and was the type to mad if something good happened to me. I didn't want to spend my life walking on egg shells like that.

 

[Shadow King]

I think a lot of dudes marry the 1st, or 2nd chick that gives them a lot of sex.

Then 3-5 years in, the sex becomes less often and/or less exciting, they realize they don't really like this chick he married, he just enjoy sex, cuz he rarely got any.

Now he's with a chick he doesn't really like and the 1 thing he did like about her he doesn't get anymore AND throw bills and kids on top that.


That mfer hates his life.

If this were the case we'd still be married by 23.

 

[TheKongoEmpire]

Plus she was really selfish and was the type to mad if something good happened to me.

And that's your best friend?

 

[Ohene]

That summed up perfectly why mine didn't work out. Had 1 and 2 but 3 and 4 was the problem. She wasn't willing to hear criticism so anytime we'd discuss relationship issues she had no problem telling me what I could better, the second I mentioned any slight thing it would turn into World War 3. Decided then I couldn't be with someone I couldn't communicate with. We gave it another try later in life and the same issue existed. Plus I was about saving for the future and she was a big time spender. Plus she was really selfish and was the type to mad if something good happened to me. I didn't want to spend my life walking on egg shells like that.

three and four are the hardest ones and reason i ended things with my ex as well. She was too fastidious about shyt that in my opinion didnt matter. She had very specific, idealized expectations of relationships whereas I am very practical and laidback. She would worry about every finite detail no matter how pointless it was whereas I would worry about the big picture.

i remember one time my toilet broke so i put a sign on it before heading to work to use the guest washoom. I was gonna figure out how to fix it after work; the sign said "Use other toilet"

I came back home and noticed she edited the note to say "PLEASE Use other toilet. Thank you "

I dont know why but I was so fed up that when I saw that shyt I lost it . Thankfully she wasnt around cause I prolly woulda gave her serious verbal. That was one of many signs that we were just so fundamentally different. That kinda shyt is what a lot of men deal with from their wives too, it would break any man down and make him miserable over time.

 

[KnickstapeCity]

Fukk that shyt. Marriage is terrible.







Been free for a little over a year now and it’s been a blessing.

 

[Doin2Much Williams]

Fukk that shyt. Marriage is terrible.







Been free for a little over a year now and it’s been a blessing.

Noice… now you can feast
On all the big salamis to your liking.



Live your true existence, king dingaling.



.

 

[KnickstapeCity]

Noice… now you can feast
On all the big salamis to your liking.



Live your true existence, king dingaling.



.

You a foul nikka, breh

 

[MarcMan]

Fukk that shyt. Marriage is terrible.







Been free for a little over a year now and it’s been a blessing.

Who initiated and what was the cause of the split?