The Official Grand Theft Auto 5 Thread (SPOILERS)

[SwagmundFreud]

I think I just got trolled by a Coli member.


I jumped into a lobby and it was deserted. Just one guy way out in Blaine County flying around. So I decided to get on my grind. I robbed two stores.

Got a lil guap. I have a modest 6 car garage. I keep three vehicles for myself, and the other three slots I reserve for whips I am selling. I grabbed my Baller Suv from my garage. . Quick trip to the mod shop and that is a 9 grand flip.

I check the map and ol boy is still flying around by himself in the boondocks like a fukking lame. I am getting ready to jump into a quick job when I get a notice that one of Simeons high profile vehicles is on the beach. Easy money brehs. I go down there and cop it.. . As I am getting in of course I get two stars so I dip n dodge and end up actually on the beach in the sand n shyt. I evade the pigs and I pause so I can set my wayward point for the mod shop to respray this shyt. While I am setting my wayward point I notice that one other player in the lobby who was flying around Blaine County by his lonesome like a fakkit is approaching me at breakneck speed.. . .


I am pressing circle frantically to get out of the map screen and as soon as I do. . . all I hear is the roar of a jet engine and then KABOOOOOMMM. I am murked. Ohhh this tricky b*stard. lol. I respawn and I am in the smack dab middle of the beach. Right near the water. . . Out in the open. .
I start to run. . .I run in a straight line like RICKY

And he mows me down with the machine guns. . . . I respawn again in the middle of the beach. . I start zig zagging and get a missle for my efforts right up my ass. I respawn again IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BEACH!. . I decide to run INTO the water with the intention of diving deep . . . . .I did not even get my chancletas wet. I respawn. .IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BEACH!!!!!!! I fully realize I am fukked. . .I try to jump into passive. Jet hits me with the and keeps trolling.

Lol this makes me want to get back into the game, fukk it wallabeechamp313 is my psn if anyone wants to add me.

 

[General Mills]

I am a patient man. . And I did not want to give him the satisfaction of me grief quitting the lobby. .. So I kept on trying brehs. .By my rudimentary count I got killed 12 times in a row. . . .On the 13th try GTA 5 the game trolled me. . I somehow managed to evade the jet. He got cocky and started to just try to machine gun me down. . Through my extensive Madden running back skills, parkour tactics,

and dumb luck I managed to make it too where the shops are on the beach. . .I ducked into a lil alcove and got hit by a missile. Its all good tho cause I am damn near on the street so when I respawn I will be near cover this time. . .

GTA 5 - -

Me -



I respawn back in the middle of the fukkING BEACHHH!!!! "AIYOOOOO WTFFFFF! " Thats what I yelled in my mic! GTA 5 purposedly respawned me wayyyy back on the beach with no cover. When I was yelling I noticed at the same time another player had joined the lobby. . .I soon hear on the mic.

New Player - Hey man whats the problem?

Me - Aw mann.. I am just stuck on the beach and I am getting trolled by a Jet.

New Player - O really? No worries breh. I got something for him. Hang tight I am on my way.


I have a comrade!! Not even going to lie it felt good brehs. Knowing I have someone on the way to help. . At the minimum he can take the heat while I escape. I continue to try and survive while I am getting pursued by that cotdam Jet.

I get killed maybe a half a dozen more times. . When I start to ask my homie what is up.

Me - Breh where are you??

New Player - HOLD ON FAM! I just got my Jet Killer. JUST HOLD ON!



I get killed 6 more times. . . .


Me - Breh. . .I am taking major L's. . .

New Player - I GOT YOU! I am right around the corner!

More Jet Play. . . I get murked at least 5 more times. . . In between getting murked I manage to look at my map. . . The new player who joined was clear across the map in his apt.



Me - You are the guy killing me in the jet right?


New Player = Jet Player -



Then I hear music coming out of his mic. .


fukk JAY Z!
What's up nikkas, ay yo, I know you ain't talking 'bout me dog
You, what?
fukk JAY Z!
You been on my dikk nikka, you love my style, nikka
fukk JAY Z!

 

[General Mills]

My nikka was playing Ether while he was murking me. After the song was over he finally flew off. .

 

[Dre Space Age]

You should add me argotvie

I don't let my peeps get murked like that

 

[General Mills]

You should add me argotvie

I don't let my peeps get murked like that

I will add you when I get off work.

 

[Dre Space Age]

I don't see a new request.

 

[General Mills]

I don't see a new request.

 

[MenacingMonk]

I just got back on after some months off. I got my dude looking like HeisenGAWD.

 

[VegetasHairline]

What's your PSN @General Mills ? I'm gonna add you breh.

 

[McPiff]

I am a patient man. . And I did not want to give him the satisfaction of me grief quitting the lobby. .. So I kept on trying brehs. .By my rudimentary count I got killed 12 times in a row. . . .On the 13th try GTA 5 the game trolled me. . I somehow managed to evade the jet. He got cocky and started to just try to machine gun me down. . Through my extensive Madden running back skills, parkour tactics,

and dumb luck I managed to make it too where the shops are on the beach. . .I ducked into a lil alcove and got hit by a missile. Its all good tho cause I am damn near on the street so when I respawn I will be near cover this time. . .

GTA 5 - -

Me -



I respawn back in the middle of the fukkING BEACHHH!!!! "AIYOOOOO WTFFFFF! " Thats what I yelled in my mic! GTA 5 purposedly respawned me wayyyy back on the beach with no cover. When I was yelling I noticed at the same time another player had joined the lobby. . .I soon hear on the mic.

New Player - Hey man whats the problem?

Me - Aw mann.. I am just stuck on the beach and I am getting trolled by a Jet.

New Player - O really? No worries breh. I got something for him. Hang tight I am on my way.


I have a comrade!! Not even going to lie it felt good brehs. Knowing I have someone on the way to help. . At the minimum he can take the heat while I escape. I continue to try and survive while I am getting pursued by that cotdam Jet.

I get killed maybe a half a dozen more times. . When I start to ask my homie what is up.

Me - Breh where are you??

New Player - HOLD ON FAM! I just got my Jet Killer. JUST HOLD ON!



I get killed 6 more times. . . .


Me - Breh. . .I am taking major L's. . .

New Player - I GOT YOU! I am right around the corner!

More Jet Play. . . I get murked at least 5 more times. . . In between getting murked I manage to look at my map. . . The new player who joined was clear across the map in his apt.



Me - You are the guy killing me in the jet right?


New Player = Jet Player -



Then I hear music coming out of his mic. .


fukk JAY Z!
What's up nikkas, ay yo, I know you ain't talking 'bout me dog
You, what?
fukk JAY Z!
You been on my dikk nikka, you love my style, nikka
fukk JAY Z!

ayooooooooooooooooooo

 

[General Mills]

ayooooooooooooooooooo

More often than not I tend to take that L.

 

[General Mills]

What's your PSN @General Mills ? I'm gonna add you breh.

LandoSwaggrisian.

Add me brehs!


While I am currently on a low level I am all about being agile and elusive. Most of the time I am whipping around in my Bati or my Bifta

Of course with me being a Piffsburgh Native everything is Black n Yellow.

I had just robbed two stores in my Bifta dune buggy,. Evaded the pigs. . And I just deposited the cash via my cell into my account when I peep a blip moving towards me. I popped the clutch and was out! Zig zagging thru Los Santos with a modded Futo with two passengers hot on my heels! One thing I am good at is driving brehs. . I am not the best in shootouts or causing mayhem. . But I can pretty much dip on most people even though my whips do not have the top end speed they have. I drifted around a corner and careened in between two Sultans. . . missing both by inches.

Peeped in the rear view and the two bytches in the Futo tried to drift and over steered and hit a park bench and flipped over. I chuckle and hit the on ramp to the freeway. It was one of those circle joints where you wrap around and then go under a overpass. . So I whip around and I am going thru the underpass. . Come out on the other side. . . .

The dudes in the Futo got out of their whip. .( they were on top of the overpass I was going under ) One of the dudes pulls the luckiest shyt. As I am shooting out from underneath the underpass at Mach 5. . . he chucks a grenade. . . The grenade amazingly lands in my lap.

 

[General Mills]

It truly was a lucky ass throw. Cause my Bifta has a open top I see the grenade bounce off my steering wheel and land literally on my crotch. . .Then the screen went red and I heard the two Futo fags laughing on their mics. . .

I respawn. . Call up my insurance and they say my whip is waiting on me in their lot. So I jack a Hummer and am on my way to the Insurance lot when I run smack dab into a all out cop war. About 5 players are having a epic shootout with the cops in the middle of the road. . While I am spectating a cop car HITS ME! and I get two stars. So I say fukk it. . I enter the fray spraying smg rounds. End up having some fun with those boys for about 45 minutes. After all my homies left I decided to go get my whip. Set my wayward point and I see that there is another player near the insurance lot too. Probably one of my homies from earlier who got his car destroyed. So I get there. . Hop in my baby! I missed her so mucchhhh!!!!! I spin out the tires and launch forward!. . .. .

Then. . .

They put sticky bombs on my whip while it was sitting in the lot. . . The Futo guys from damn near a hour ago! When I respawn I see them halfway down the street and I hear them braying like a horsesass on the mic talkingbout it worked.

 

[General Mills]

I could do nothing but shake my head brehs. Got caught twice. Then I get a text from one of the Futo dudes. Saying basically that no hard feelings. They were just fukking around. He then invited me to his apt. Cool! I get there and I am cruising sloooowly. . looking for stickies in the road. See nothing. . I go in and he has the 400k apt. My first time being in one. . . The view! Cotdam I need one of these! He had a 4 other dudes chilling with him. I drank up his liquor and smoked his weed. Then he tells me. .


Futo Kid - Aye breh. I see you pushing around the Bifta. What other whips do you have?

Me - Well I got the Bifta as you know cause you blew it up multiple times.

Futo Kid -

Me - I also got a Bati and a Elgy.

Futo Kid - You need a super car my friend.

Me - I know.


Futo Kid - Come with me.


We go into his garage and it's beautiful. He had everything brehs. The modded Futo was his beater. He had some serious heat in there. He says which one you want? I got plenty of cash. . Billions. I am


I pick out a white Adder. . .And start to daydream about it being black n yellow.

I ask how can we do this? He said he he will follow me to my apt. Get out. I get in the Adder. .. then drive it into my garage and its mine. I was flabbergasted brehs. . . .He follows me. . We get there. . I took one look at that beautiful whip. . I am going to get so much E-Ass! I jump in and crank that beauty up.. . .

He put a ignition bomb on the Adder.

 

[b_low_brown]

nikkas in here writing short stories now?