Essential The Official Coli Horror Film Thread: Discussion, Recommendations And Murder.

Jello Biafra

Jello Biafra

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Tunez said:
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The trailer for this looks great and no matter how many times he disappoints me I always end up at the theater on day 1 for an M. Night movie so I'll do the same for this one too.
And nothing good ever happens at a cabin in the woods but a black woman in a bus driver wig and a swole Filipino dude in serial killer glasses wandering up to your door along with their 2 white friends is definitely a bad sign.
 
rabbid

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storyteller said:
Just got back from a long weekend in Orlando to peep the Halloween Horror Nights festivities. It's pretty damned epic. The entire park is filled with new props and sets for "Scare Zones" where actors are performing, chasing people around, and jumping out of different spaces. There are 10 legitimate Haunts set up and each one includes some of the best make-up, staging, and effects I've seen in any haunted walk-throughs. They're also long walk-throughs...3-5 mins of walking through each experience.

The reason I was down to plan a whole trip for a couple of days was that they remade the original Halloween house as a haunt. You walk through a set and it's like being in Michael's childhood room, then you pass by Judith Myers' body next to the mirror in her room, and then you stroll through essentially the entirety of that first classic film. Loomis popped out to warn us, Laurie Strode was hiding in a closet, and the iconic kills were all there. That's not to mention Michael constantly popping up to chase us into the next location. The only thing they changed was to set up a last room that was full of mirrors so that there were 10 Michael's lined up at either side and you wouldn't know which were real or not...pretty epic way to close out.

That shyt alone was worth it for me. But there were other dope ones. They did a theme where the classic Dracula, Wolfman, and Mummy clash against each other. You walk through rooms based on each character and they scare you while a scrap is implied to be happening. The cool thing on that one is there's a new winner at the end of each day. So for my walk-through, Dracula was staked and the Wolfman held down the final room with the Mummy's head in his hands. But someone else might see a different result.

Blumhouse had a combo haunt that started as Freaky and switched to the Black Phone. This was especially cool because they really stuck to the films. With the Butcher from Freaky chasing you and a two-way mirror showing him switching places with the Final Girl. Then she was catching bodies as we walked through her part. The Black Phone haunt was most of my family's favorite. They included that amazing scene where he's sitting on the chair with a belt in hand and you have to walk past him. Phones were at the end of each hall and would ring when you passed.

My pops especially loved the Chupacabra-themed haunt. Chupacabra stories in Puerto Rico have always been around like Jersey Devil tales in south Jerz and Big Foot tales in forest states. These included pretty epic animatronics that would jump out and snap at people from behind walls and windows.

Others included a Weeknd theme that was...weird, but the music slapped. Some typical joints like a Prison, a Speakeasy run by a coven of witches, a haunted Sea Town, and a Bug-infestation house that included all the nasty textures to gross you out.

For horror heads, it's DEFINITELY worth a visit. Especially if a movie you really love is being themed out. The Halloween experience was really incredible IMO and the Haunts themselves had great scares. I don't jump at movies or scare easy, but they made sure to sneak up on and chase me more than a few times. It was a dope time for my horror-obsessed family and my only complaint is that I screwed up by not extending my trip. There was more to do that i just didn't have time for. In two days, I logged 25 miles worth of walking around the park and haunts. I'd have been happier to stretch that over 4 or 5 days, but now I know it's worth it.
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The Orlando park is definitely the better of the two vs Hollywood. Hollywood has the Tram ride though which is much longer than the houses walkthrough and more involved, combines several movie sets. If you haven't done Howl o Scream yet that's definitely worth a visit in Tampa or Orlando. All originally designed houses instead of movie IPs so they have way more creative freedom for the scares and its also little more adult than Universal.

Horror Nights has been my favorite theme park event for several years now. The behind the scenes videos they put out are incredible, just years of design and creativity put in. They have scaring people and paying homage down to a legit science. This year has the most variety I've seen in awhile.
 
storyteller

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Jello Biafra said:
I really liked Barbarian but had one issue with it.
They spent so much time on the setup/meet cute stuff in the beginning and then with Justin Long's a$$hole actor character that they shortchanged the more interesting story of dude kidnapping and impregnating women so he could raise inbred mutants in the sub-basement part.
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Yeah, I can definitely see that.
I really liked the Psycho-inspired opening. But the Justin Long introduction felt like it ran a lot longer than it needed to for who his character was. I also wouldn't mind learning more about wtf that thing was doing running around the neighborhood at night.
 
Jello Biafra

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So I watched Rob Zombie's The Munsters...:snoop:

This movie is just not good at all.
It is just devoid of all charm, the jokes all bomb, it looks cheap as hell and most of the actors are ill cast in their roles. For as much as Zombie says he loves The Munsters none of that love ever shows up on the screen.
Maybe that's why this is so bad...we all misunderstood just which version of The Munsters that Rob Zombie was a fan of. Instead of the classic Fred Gwynne TV series, Zombie was really a fan of the shytty 1990s TV movies.

The Munsters is a film that attempts to be kitschy/campy but instead just ends up being a bland chore to get through.

This should’ve probably been used as a tax write off and all copies of it tossed in a furnace if we want to keep it 100.

I give 'Rob Zombie's The Munsters' 1 out of 4 Sad Herman Munsters (and that is being generous)
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Straw Hat Luffy

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Jello Biafra said:
So I watched Rob Zombie's The Munsters...:snoop:

This movie is just not good at all.
It is just devoid of all charm, the jokes all bomb, it looks cheap as hell and most of the actors are ill cast in their roles. For as much as Zombie says he loves The Munsters none of that love ever shows up on the screen.
Maybe that's why this is so bad...we all misunderstood just which version of The Munsters that Rob Zombie was a fan of. Instead of the classic Fred Gwynne TV series, Zombie was really a fan of the shytty 1990s TV movies.

The Munsters is a film that attempts to be kitschy/campy but instead just ends up being a bland chore to get through.

This should’ve probably been used as a tax write off and all copies of it tossed in a furnace if we want to keep it 100.

I give 'Rob Zombie's The Munsters' 1 out of 4 Sad Herman Munsters (and that is being generous)
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You bout to wake up a sleeping giant itt
 
Nicole0416_718_929_646212

Nicole0416_718_929_646212

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I’ve been really into the undead underworld good v evil , reprisal v redemption revenge type movies lately. The horror that I watch seems to mimic my real life feelings at the time. If I’m in a dark mood I’ll watch darkness, happy = slashers, cerebral mood - ghosts/hauntings
 
Jello Biafra

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storyteller said:
Yeah, I can definitely see that.
I really liked the Psycho-inspired opening. But the Justin Long introduction felt like it ran a lot longer than it needed to for who his character was. I also wouldn't mind learning more about wtf that thing was doing running around the neighborhood at night.
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We could've basically gotten the point about the type of dude Long's character was in the 5 minute scene of him talking to his agent as he was getting into his rent-a-car. We really didn't need the deep dive into his character.
And I agree about "Mama" and her nocturnal activities. When the homeless bruh mentioned she roamed the neighborhood at night I was hoping we'd get a scene or two of what she did while out and about.
 
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