31 Ways to Survive a Horror Movie, According to the Movies << Rotten Tomatoes – Movie and TV News
6. CRAZY PEOPLE ARE THE SANEST PEOPLE – LISTEN TO THEM.
It’s the Rosemary’s Baby rule: If someone is telling you there’s something weird going on – like that your neighbors might be part of a cult – you should believe them. As of 2018 it might also be the Hereditary rule: poor disbelieving Gabriel Byrne.
10. DON’T TRUST KIDS.
If there’s something a little “off” about the kid, the likelihood is there’s something very majorly “off” about the kid. It’s probably a psychopath, the devil incarnate, making friends with the dead kids who lived here before you, or, in rare cases, a 33-year-old prostitute. (No, really.) Lock him or her in a room and call in the professionals.
9. DON’T TRUST MOM.
The idea of the psychotic mom has long had appeal for horror filmmakers since the earliest days of the genre – there’s something just so terrifying about the woman who’s meant to care and nurture you suddenly turning against you. If mom starts acting a little strange, best give her some space.
8. STICK TOGETHER – ALWAYS.
Splitting up to try and find someone/something is perhaps the most groanworthy horror-movie move there is. And for good reason: Loners are easily picked off; groups give you a chance to fight back – or at least use someone with you as a meat shield.
13. LISTEN TO THE NEWS REPORTS (DO NOT CHANGE THE DIAL).
Pay keen attention to the news – if something mysterious hasn’t cut the power at your house/in your neighborhood. Pay particularly keen attention if you find yourself in a zombie movie or in a town in which psychopaths are prone to escaping from the local asylum. It’s rarely, if ever, fake news.
12. IF YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND IT, DON’T READ IT OUT LOUD.
Bonus rule: If, in the course of you reading a passage out loud, you start to notice strange things – say, a pickup in wind, a drop in room temperature, or the emergence-from-hell of multiple demons – don’t finish the passage.
18. NEVER STOP FOR GAS.
In the real world, most gas station attendants along remote roads are either delightful or too busy playing Candy Crush to acknowledge your existence. In the movies they are, as a rule, dentally challenged and hungry for your sweet, sweet flesh – or, at least, related to folks who fit that description. Bring a few gallons with you in the trunk.
25. DON’T MAKE NEW FRIENDS.
New neighbors? Going to curse you. New girl at school? Probably body-snatched. New vacation buddies? Going to drug you. Then sell you.
What the fukk happened to the marketing team? 
gore FUKKERY fun
- I hope your neighbor’s SON eats your insides like the little boy did in the movie.
