Essential The Mental Health Thread

[cyndaquil]

I feel like i cant be vulnerable to other people without being shamed, mocked and ridculed. I dont even feel like going to professionals either because its like i feel like they dont care. I honestly dont feel good emotionally and dont feel like being around other people. I hate having to force myself around when i feel like shyt

They do care. You just have to shake the feeling that people don't care about you. If people are shaming, mocking, ridiculing you then it's ok let them move on until you find people who like and support you. There is a loneliness epidemic amongst men. The reason being is we tend to shut down and not make connections with other people. We are taught to be grizzled and hard. Which we need to be but we also need to find brotherhood. Keep pushing and take things one day at a day that's the secret to winning.

 

[cyndaquil]

Most definitely have some undiagnosed issues going on but it seems like none of the shrinks ive been seem to notice. I think i have adhd or possibly some depressive, bipolar shyt maybe but most definitely got some adhd shyt going on. I would like to know what my issues are so i can live my life. Theres so much shyt i would like to do but honestly ive lost motivation to do them because i cant control myself enough to get it done. Im going to try to lay off the weed but that means me having to look for other ways of help.

I forgot to mention in my other post but habe you tried mindfulness meditation? It helps a lot with issues surrounding focus, depression etc.
It may help until you find a doctor who can properly diagnosed you and give you meds to help regulate your moods as you go through life.

 

[Stir Fry]

 

[Stir Fry]

 

[Canada Goose]

Next week I start having sessions with a new therapist, I had been seeing the same therapist since 2016. The new therapist is suppose to be better equipped to handle people like me.



I'm so nervous and stressed about this, therapy is hard for me cause its hard to come up things to talk about and its hard to me to express myself sometimes. I think I will be doing Cognitive behavioral therapy to start. Reason for the change its because my mental health hasn't improved despite going to the same therapist for years and also trying a whole bunch of different medications. My psychologist suggested the change. I hope CBT therapy is easier than the previous therapy I was doing in which I had to come up with the topics to talk about...



Anybody here ever get stressed about changing therapists?

 

[Striving For Greatness]

 

[Pazzy]

Because it was mental health day yesterday and i have no interest at the moment to go to a therapist or mental health counselor to be misunderstood.

I do have some real bad anger issues where i probably need to take some mediation or anger management classes before i crash out on some dumb shyt. When im not in the mood, i try to stay clear from folks because that shadow side is a real motherfukker. Ill go to sleep and try to sleep my bad mood off. At times i cant control it so i try to isolate myself to keep the peace to avoid being an absolute terror to somebody or people in general until i cool off which can go from a few hours up to some days or a week. Its also a reason why i try to stay clear from anything that can keep me from really physically hurting someone. I have no criminal record and am trying to avoid having one. Havent been in a physical fight in decades. So i try to control myself to keep yall safe. but on the inside, i am an emotional mess. just saying the truth. I do hold grudges which i cant seem to let go of which is another issue. I get paranoid when it comes to opening myself up to new people out of fear i might run into another a$$hole who might test my patience for me to do something stupid to their ass.

I should take up some martial arts or physical combat sport or even get into battle rapping where i can get out my anger and frustrations where it does build up. That shyt is unhealthy. shyts been getting worse. I stopped vaping weed for 3 weeks already and then Ive been sad or raging mad on some paranoid shyt. I was using weed to basically drug those feelings and energy out.

But its weird because i show a lot of restraint. Too much in fact which makes me even more angrier. Journal writing and the gym helps but it still is there

On here ill say how i feel but go a little harder when my mood is down south on some disrespectful. Im not crazy and i dont like it when people try to come at me with that something is wrong with me shyt because that triggers some real life shyt that i had to deal with when i was a child involving bullies so that only makes me heated or get into combat mode. So just a word of wisdom, be real careful how you come at me. I avoid people and like to be alone for a reason.

 

[King_Kamala61]

I'm here for you Pazzy...whenever you need me I will be there for you breh.

 

[WesCrook]

Because it was mental health day yesterday and i have no interest at the moment to go to a therapist or mental health counselor to be misunderstood.

I do have some real bad anger issues where i probably need to take some mediation or anger management classes before i crash out on some dumb shyt. When im not in the mood, i try to stay clear from folks because that shadow side is a real motherfukker. Ill go to sleep and try to sleep my bad mood off. At times i cant control it so i try to isolate myself to keep the peace to avoid being an absolute terror to somebody or people in general until i cool off which can go from a few hours up to some days or a week. Its also a reason why i try to stay clear from anything that can keep me from really physically hurting someone. I have no criminal record and am trying to avoid having one. Havent been in a physical fight in decades. So i try to control myself to keep yall safe. but on the inside, i am an emotional mess. just saying the truth. I do hold grudges which i cant seem to let go of which is another issue. I get paranoid when it comes to opening myself up to new people out of fear i might run into another a$$hole who might test my patience for me to do something stupid to their ass.

I should take up some martial arts or physical combat sport or even get into battle rapping where i can get out my anger and frustrations where it does build up. That shyt is unhealthy. shyts been getting worse. I stopped vaping weed for 3 weeks already and then Ive been sad or raging mad on some paranoid shyt. I was using weed to basically drug those feelings and energy out.

But its weird because i show a lot of restraint. Too much in fact which makes me even more angrier. Journal writing and the gym helps but it still is there

On here ill say how i feel but go a little harder when my mood is down south on some disrespectful. Im not crazy and i dont like it when people try to come at me with that something is wrong with me shyt because that triggers some real life shyt that i had to deal with when i was a child involving bullies so that only makes me heated or get into combat mode. So just a word of wisdom, be real careful how you come at me. I avoid people and like to be alone for a reason.

Do you exercise or lift weights?

Having a decent build serves as a great deterrent for people out in the street, both men and women. You will hardly encounter people who step out of line, especially verbally.

They will know/assume that you are not the one.

 

[Pazzy]

Do you exercise or lift weights?

Having a decent build serves as a great deterrent for people out in the street, both men and women. You will hardly encounter people who step out of line, especially verbally.

They will know/assume that you are not the one.

Meaning no disrespect but this is one of the reasons why i dont like talking about these type of issues with people. This going to be REAL lengthy but this is very important.

If you read what i wrote, i said that in quotes "Journal writing and the gym helps but it still is there". Somehow someway you skipped that part. Then you picked out "Im not crazy and i dont like it when people try to come at me with that something is wrong with me shyt because that triggers some real life shyt that i had to deal with when i was a child involving bullies so that only makes me heated or get into combat mode. So just a word of wisdom, be real careful how you come at me. I avoid people and like to be alone for a reason." Or some other part of what i wrote and assumed that im getting bullied in this day and time obviously because you had your mind made up with some perconceived notion about me being some physically weak guy. So you threw the "go to the gym" part and how people will fear you. It would have been better for you to not say anything.

See this is the problem. If youre going to help assuming that you mean well or even care, then you should UNDERSTAND what im saying vs assuming what you think the issue is when that might not even be the case. To me, one of the reasons why i dont even like to go to therapists or talk to other people about my particular issues is that they instead of listening and understanding, they decide to pick and choose what THEY want to hear and see then tell me what my issue is and often times, they misunderstand and it makes me even more irritated as the main issue gets overlooked. So to me, its like why bother to talk when folks have their own egos ready to tell me what they think my issue is when im telling them what my issue is. Its like dont tell me what my issue is if youre not going to read and understand.

And what irks me is when i tell people this, some people get offended, their ego gets in the mix and they say "i dont want their help". No, i just want to be understood in terms of the demons that im dealing with so they understand why i may be a certain way. To me, when people DONT understand and make their own minds up, that has been a problem for me. People look from the outside looking in and they may see me with a mad or sad face. See people dont know when to stay in their lane and when they jump out their lane to in their mind "help" someone else, they often think about themselves with what they want to think about how somebody is and that leads to misunderstandings. To me, thats dangerous.


I can tell you how an angry face can be perceived as a threat to many people. They dont care about your issues. They assume that youre a thug or criminal. Bad enough, if you are a black male that has a mad face, dresses in a certain way, and etc, people easily misunderstand and perceive you as a threat. Then having to deal with the ignorance out here where people have their white supremacist thinking on top of that. Its a losing battle from the jump. People dont take black people with mental health issues seriously. Thats what Im getting at.

And if they dont like you as it is for whatever reason, you have to deal with that shyt too. This is why i didnt even want to write this shyt. Too many people already are coming with daggers on someone whos already vulnerable. Its easy to attack a black man whos down. Godforbid if you show some strength or fight back. If you show or have any high level of confidence and youre a black man, they hate that shyt even more. shyt is tiring and actually is starting to get me angry talking about it. Im not looking to be feared by anybody. Respected, yes but being feared gets unwanted attention from the police or people ready to follow you around on some target practice shyt. Im just trying to shake these demons off so i can feel better and not have to be down in the dumps. Its bad enough i have certain issues that i am not in control of or happen to be born into. Its stressful as it is dealing with that. It doesnt take much to make my mood go down south. Thats why many therapists when i tell them my issues and etc. They say im doing well because im able to hold down a job, get up in the morning, and get out of bed. To them im not "as bad" as their other clients so in their eyes, im well when in reality, im barely getting by and would love to do a whole lot more than what i am doing now.


I learned very early that american society likes to break down black males especially when they are boys. If you dont come from a household where your parents are aware of this shyt, then youre fukked. Just a message to all you parents in here raising black boys. Protect your kids minds. They try to destroy them early.

 

[Pazzy]

Elderly woman decapitated as she plunged to her death from tony NYC building: ‘She had no head’

The elderly woman was the second jumper who plunged to their death on Saturday.

nypost.com

I didnt want to post this at all but shyt like this scares me. If you are going through shyt in your life and are hurting, reach out. Dont be afraid to ask for help. Suicide isnt it. Nobody is immune to depression or mental illness no matter the age. It distresses me when i see articles like this. No matter how hard life is or what you are going through, suicide isnt the answer.

 

[Pazzy]

Realize that what ive been dealing with is depression lately

Some symptoms im noticing that im currently experiencing as ive noticed this over the years

-feeling down/sad, very angry, very irritable where ive been snappy
-experiencing body aches like a cold or flu (body is literally hurting and feeling pain all over)
-decrease in energy/feeling need to sleep/very lethargic even after getting sleep
-little to no motivation to do things
-unable to concentrate
-decrease in eating habits or weird eating patterns.
-wanting to spend more time in isolation/self isolating away from everybody

Was looking for a psychologist early through my work insurance but no luck. Dont want to see a therapist this go round. I need to meet a psychologist that will psychoanalyize me to see what my issue is.

These body aches are annoying the shyt out of me. plus my seasonal allergies are acting up so i feel like im coming down with a cold or flu. However, I know i dont have a cold/flu though.

 

[Pazzy]

Spoiler

Not going to lie. Today i am VERY DEPRESSED to the point that early in the day through the afternoon, i was raging mad. So mad that one of the blood vessels in my right eye bursted. My job really dragged to the point i was trying to keep it together.

Maybe its because i self medicated with weed for so long almost everyday for 4 years since the start of the pandemic and have stopped 3 weeks ago because i got tired of the shyt but that shyt now feels VERY NOTICABLE where my body is hurting all over like i have flu symptoms. But honestly, i cant take this shyt. I will never off myself no matter what, suicidal ideations (luckily havent had any recently or in recent months) but to be real with you, i dont want it to get to that point. The most suicidal ive ever gotten was from my bad acid trip a year ago. That was scary as fukk and i hope i never experience that feeling again. I was real close to acting out on that shyt.

But bothers me is that this is nothing new. Sadly this was and has been my normal for YEARS, ill even say decades even. The first time ive really been depressed was the 6th grade. I literally took a week off from school because of that shyt because i guess i went through some crying spell shyt. 7th grade came around and it just stuck ever since. My teens, my adulthood and here i am today. I would say im a functional depressive and it absolutely fukking sucks.

I know im rambling and venting a lot but what else can i do. I actually reached out to the nearest shrink for an psycho evaluation. Ive done it before back in 2012. Still waiting to hear them. I also have autism level 1/aspergers which i was diagnosed formally a few years back. Honestly, ive been going in and out of therapist office since 2007. Its been a bytch. Some have helped. Others have not. Damn near 40 years old and still feeling heavily depressed just like i did 20 years ago. Make it make sense. Kind of tired of being irritated, frustrated and having to go to sleep or isolate myself away from everybody while feeling like this.

I honestly dont give a fukk which is why Im writing this out as a means of venting. I hate how speaking on mental health issues is frowned upon where the "crazy" tag is stamped. Probably may share this with the shrink when they evaluate me soon but i damn sure dont want to be hospitalized or drugged up. Bad enough my family or people around me isnt really trying to be supportive like that like they rather me pretend or not go to a therapist at all or whatever. shyt is a real fukking pain in the ass.

My depression doesnt look like cry spells where i cry all day. In fact, i dont cry at all.
I just either get VERY angry where i feel like hurting somebody or going off or really depressed to the point where im debilitated where i dont want to do shyt at all. Ill just lay in bed and go to sleep feeling extremely sad as hell. I just shutdown. No motivation to do anything and go to sleep

 

[Krazy]

Life’s rough man.

I been stuck in the same up and down cycle for yearsss.
Just don’t know how to get out and feel genuinely happy…Temporary distractions then I’m left alone with my thoughts.

 

[Tair]

@Buddy losing it in the bushes. He needs this thread, badly.