I know how church is frowned upon in these here parts (and i don't blame y'all... born a buddhist, but atheist since college - and for good reason. What higher-learning educated person wouldn't be as i assume most of us are).
But i've been struggling with accepting my mom's condition (stage IV pancreatic, 5 percent chance of living... and its currently eating her to the bone as i type - scariest thing i have ever encountered in my life and its a living hell. I constantly say, "WHY ME... WHY FUKKIN' ME?!?!").
With that said, i've been listening to a ton of gospel (accidentally clicked on this link
) and suddenly, i felt like... an electric current of epiphany laden understanding took over my soul.
It was like seeing the light... almost as if god himself... reached down from the heavens, gave me a hug and said,
"My child... ooh child... things are gonna be a okay."
There's a black church right down the street from me... and i'm seriously considering going to services this upcoming sunday morning (i just don't want to look out of place, being the vigga that i am - but i may have to go with one of my old homie, he's a brotha who's pretty much acted as my mentor/father i never had since 2009).
I've always been a skeptic about jesus...
but i need him now...
and i do believe that he is real.
And he will help me heal...
because it is what i feel... to seal the life deal.
So before him... i shall kneel.
Feast with the father... a nourishing spiritual meal.
And continue to live life... that continues the spinning holy wheel.
.