So here's the thing with Waffle House that a lot of outside folks don't get. It's not just a restaurant.
Is it a place you can go 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and get something to eat? Yes. Is it a dining establishment that's so reliable in terms of it's operating schedule that FEMA officials came up with the The Waffle House Index to assess how devastated an area was after a natural disaster? Yes.
But that's not all Waffle House is.
Waffle House is a place you'll go to with your parents for the first time. It's greasy disgusting breakfast food, but you're a kid. You love that shyt. So maybe you end up going one day after church. Maybe you end up going while you're out visiting grandma and grandpa because Grandpa loves the place. You know why he loves the place? Because he went to that exact same Waffle House when it first opened. Hell, he took your dad to that Waffle House was he was your age.
Now you're not a child anymore. You're a teenager. Maybe you just spent all night getting high as a fukking kite and you've got the munchies like you wouldn't believe. It's 3:30 in the morning, and you know what's open? That same Waffle House. And the folks at Waffle House have seen so much shyt that they couldn't be assed to give a damn about some 16 year old with blood shot eyes who zones out staring at cup coffee for 5 minute straight. Maybe you just drove your shytbox corolla halfway across town in the middle of the night because your girlfriend texted you saying that she's sneaking out of the house, so you shut your headlights off and park a few houses down so her folks don't wake up and see her getting in the car. Where do you go at that hour? Waffle House.
Now you're almost a man. It's your senior year of high school and you just broke up with that girl. You're not taking it well, so you raid dad's liquor cabinet to make the pain go away after him and your mother turn in for the night. It doesn't help, and now you're hungry. So you stumble into that same terrible 4 cylinder Japanese go-kart and head to the only restaurant that's open at that hour. Waffle House. You sit there downing an ungodly amount of coffee, grits, and hashbrowns while you sober up. As you sober up, you realize that what you just did was stupid. You could have gotten arrested if this town had more cops. You could have gotten hurt if you were a little more fukked up. And all over a girl. She wasn't worth it. But thankfully, the staff at Waffle House doesn't judge. They don't give a shyt that you double parked, are obviously under 21, and reek of vodka. You're safe. You're free to wait there until the sun comes up and your vision stops being blurry.
Now you're in your early 20's. You just went bar hopping with some buddies and met a new girl. Last call was 2am, but y'all don't want to part ways just yet. Maybe you're having too good of a time. Maybe the girls want to spend some more time with you so they can figure you out before the fun starts. So you all pile into your cars and head to the only place that's open. Waffle House. You're having a great time, and more importantly this chick you just met seems to be enjoying it to. You remember your dad mentioning that he used to do this shyt with his friends when he was a young man. He even took your mom here when they first started dating. Hell, you and this chick might even end up sitting in the same booth they did.
Waffle House isn't just a restaurant. It's not just a place where you can go at all hours of the night, under the influence of whatever and dressed however. It's a constant. Life changes, but Waffle House endures. It's an island of consistency in the ocean of uncertainty that is life. No matter which one you go to, no matter when you to it, you'll always get the same food, you're always there for the same reasons, and you'll always see the same kind of characters. It's not a place that you go to, it's a place that you end up at. But the circumstances that led to you ending up at Waffle House will stay with you in the back of your mind your entire life.
Waffle House isn't just a restaurant, it's a God damn Southern institution...
