The General Mills Chronicles.

[Heretic]

my dad got a vette. I know if you woulda damaged his baby he woulda dragged you inside and shot you in self defense

 

[General Mills]

I look up at that dog and I am hemmed up brehs. Between the vert top and the small space of the inside of the Vette I am pinned pretty good. He is looking down at me and he is frothing at the mouth. A glob of slobber splatters right on my forehead.

Meanwhile I can hear Pretty Boy hollering at the top of his lungs. DANGEEERRR DANGER!! DANGEEEEEERRRR! I remember thinking. I know I am in danger nikka. Get this fukking dog off me.

This gigantor dog jumps down on my chest and starts licking me to death. . I am not ashamed to say I was crying cause I thought I was going to die. He just lays his whole body on my and licks my face and my tears.


Pretty Boy runs over and opens the door. . I crawl out with the dog on my heels. I fall out of the car and land in the dirt. . . . I look up and Pretty Boy is

WHAT THE fukk GENERAL!!!!??? MY DADS CAR????? Danger get your ass back in the house!! The dog runs off. . . The Vette was looking bad. The hood was all dented from me and Danger running on it. It was scratched up from Dangers nails. The cloth vert top was beyond ruined. I caused another catastrophe it seems.

 

[Jesus H. Christ]

 

[Heretic]

generalllllllllll!!!

 

[Two Stacks]

man you gotta post that earthquake story again one time so i can save it please


GENERALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

 

[Heretic]

Every time I see somebody post GENERALLLLLLLLL I imagine somebody like mr slate from the flintstones or mr spacely from the jetsons yelling that shyt out

 

[RAX 010]

:po:

 

[beenz]

Liu Kang!! Coli Gawd!


I will add another L tonight. Quick peek into this L. It is me and Pretty Boy again. We are in his hometown in Birmingham on leave. His family members sonned me.

Yo, were you ever able to explain what happened? if you didn't have her # memorized, was this during the days when cell phones weren't readily available? did the thought of a cab to get home to get home ever dawn on you? or were u that broke at the time?

also, do you have a photographic memory? a journal or something? how do you remember these stories with such detail? I can't remember shyt that happened to me last week.

 

[Lewis Black]

We gonna find that fukk nikka nino!!!!

 

[Rigamortus]

How the hell you fukk up somebody's car and and make it out alive

 

[General Mills]

Pretty Boy was in shock at this turn of events.

Pretty Boy - General. . .

Me - I am so sorry homie. That dog ran at me and I freaked.

Pretty Boy - My dad is going to go nuclear when he gets home.



Pretty Boys moms comes running outside titays bouncing. ... She looked like Ms Trinidad brehs.

She is looking at the car and looks at me. . .She tells me. . My husband may try and kill you. Thank goodness he is not due to come home until tomorrow. The she looks at the Rottie and says. BAD DANGER!! BAD! Danger the rottie runs back in the house looking ashamed.

I look at Pretty Boy and say

Me - I mean breh. That dog is huge! I am so sorry.

Pretty Boy - Danger is my dads other prized possession besides the Vette you murked. Danger is due to be bred with another champion rottie next week.


Well. We ended up going in the house for a lil bit. I kept staring at Ms. Trinidad cotdammm Her ass n titays were so fat I had to leave the house. I go outside for a bit and I see Pretty Boys dog tied up in the backyard. 8-Ball. He is a pit/boxer mix mutt. Pretty Boy always talked about him. I see him in the back. . Then I go over and check out the damage to the Vette again. I did not realize that I left the back door open when I left tho.

 

[Two Stacks]

 

[MikelArteta]

damn just at page 5 going through this piff

my nugga

 

[General Mills]

Yo, were you ever able to explain what happened? if you didn't have her # memorized, was this during the days when cell phones weren't readily available? did the thought of a cab to get home to get home ever dawn on you? or were u that broke at the time?

also, do you have a photographic memory? a journal or something? how do you remember these stories with such detail? I can't remember shyt that happened to me last week.

1. Nah I had a cell phone b. But I am like most people. I have numbers in my phone I have never dialed. I just scroll for the name and hit dial. No way I committed her number to memory.

2. I only had a few bucks on me. . and this

The bus pass was useless to me.

3. My memory is crazy. I can remember details of situations and events very clearly. Once I start talking about it it just comes back to me. . But I am terrible at following driving directions and remembering actual names of people. Faces I get. . But real names I am horrible.

With the names I think. . When I meet people I auto give them a nick name depending on how the act or look in my mind. So I dont need their real names.

 

[General Mills]

I am looking over the damage like Recreating the events in my mind and When I hear 8-ball barking. I ignore him and I am pulling out my phone to check FB when I hear 8-Ball really going nuts. .

I walk around back and I see 8-Ball and Danger playing around.

I know Danger is worth alot and I am hoping they dont scrap and he does not try and murk 8-Ball. . But now it seems that 8 Ball is assuming a dominant position and on Dangers back.

Then . . .

NOOOOOOOO 8-Ball is raping Dangers a$$hole!!!! 8 Ball is a gay thug. . . I run over there and Danger is just taking it up the ass. I run back into the house and get into the kitchen and I stumble bum fall over the garbage can. . Spilling trash all over the kitchen.

The reason I fell was Ms. Trinidad was bending over plugging up the vacuum. Dat ass.

Ms. Trinidad - General??

Me - 8-Ball is raping Danger right nowwwwwww!!!!!