Big Evil Film Reviews:
Yo this fukking end of watch movie man. This fukking movie man. This fukking movie fukking annoyed me man. Like for fukking real man. HEY STOP fukkING FILMING ME ESE, PUT THE fukkING CAMERA DOWN MAN, WHILE WE'RE DOING fukkING CRIMES. fukk. fukk. WHY THE fukk YOU FILMING WHILE IM MURDERING AND SHOOTING AT COPS ESE??
Anyway, bro, fukking this movie. fukking Michael Pena and fukking Jake Gyllenhall sorta fukking killed it bro, though, fukk bro. Like why the fukk did my nikka fukking Brian Taylor, like fukking marry that fukking elf looking bytch after like fukking five months bro?
I mean, what the fukk is the timeline on this fukking movie ese? Like, I'm fukking watching it in the beginning when these two city cops light these two fukkers up in the fukking beginning, and it clearly says fukking April 2011. But the night fukking Michael Pena dies, like, it's fukking August bro. So you're telling me bro, that the fukking Voldemort looking bytch and my nikka Brian Taylor got married and had a kid in like, five fukking months bro? I give them maybe even like 7 fukking months bro, because perhaps they had been talking before we ever meet Anna Kendrick. But there's that entire fukking speaking scene where Brian fukking Taylor is all like, "I want to talk to a bytch you know? And I want to get to fukking know them bro." But then he marries this fukking psycho looking through the wallet after fukking and filming herself on the fukking camera ass bytch up in like 3 fukking months bro? What the fukk bro. Like I've had my share of healthy and fukked up relationships bro, but even I, Big Evil, wouldn't even think about fukking wifing a bytch up until at least knowing the bytch for a year, you know what I'm fukking sayin? I read it on one of them listicles on fukking buzzfeed, bro. 36 Ways You Know that bytch is the fukking One eh. I'm sorry I couldn't get too fukking invested in your stupid fukking McDonald's fast food wedding and relationship bro.
And I fukking realize that fukking brotherly love and camaraderie among public servants and uniformed forces is like, the fukking theme bro, and there is always the central fukking question about the overwhelming fukking power of the police and the sometimes uncomfortable similarities that persistently spring up between gangs and fukking police bro, but that doesn't make a fukking story bro, or well fukking rounded characters bro. Like, this fukking movie tried so fukking hard to get us on the side of these two fukking LAPD officers, bro, but fukk like, there wasn't any interesting characterization fukking ever bro. Most of the fukking movie was pretty fukking episodic man, which for one doesn't make a fukking compelling story ese, and for another made the movie fukking comical man. Like Big Evil fukking knows that LA can get fukking crazy holmes, cuz I be out in these fukking street holmes, (*lounges in sun chair* *raises up 40 oz.* CURBSIDEEEE) but the fukking fact that these officers found crackbabies tied up, stumbled upon a fukking cartel secretly operating in Los Angeles, along with a human fukking trafficking ring, uncovered pounds of fukking drugs in one of LA's biggest recent drug busts, found severed heads and decomposing bodies in an LA fukking house, saved three kids from a fukking fire bro, it was like, fukk I get it ese, these guys are fukking heroes bro. But the fukking film was confused bro. Like on one hand it was trying to be fukking realistic bro with the fukking dialogue, the style and the grim fukking ending bro, but on the other fukking hand holmes, like their entire fukking police work was fukking absurd. Like these dudes had the worst fukking luck bro.
But fukking ultimately bro there has to be something said for the fukking dialogue and the rapid fire fukking banter between Gyllenhaal and Pena, and credit is undoubtedly fukking due, but for me bro, listening to these two was about as fukking mentally nourishing as watching a fukking blank screen for two hours bro, or like listening to a creaky door hinge ese. Not to mention they were utterly fukking irritating, with most of their humor falling fukking flat man. It was like if The Chive and BodyBuilding.com forums were somehow fukking transformed into human form, on some John Hughes, fukking Weird Science shyt bro, it would be these two fukking dudes ese.
And don't get me started on the entire fukking concept of the handheld camera bro, the reasoning of which is explained, bro, but then is entirely fukking dropped, and rather fukking lazily I might add bro.
and rolling my eyes.
I remember that ending though. 
