Recent study finds that 60% of men under 30 are single due to social media and the internet

[PartyHeart]

I understand the struggles of incels.

I'm also a painfully self aware person.

I don't go around blaming people for my situation, but I also think I'm too far gone and like @High Art has mentioned, the amount of effort I'd have to put in just doesn't seem worth it.

Rejection hurts and at 35 I tend to be less tolerant to putting myself in situations that are uncomfortable.

The few dates I did go on ended up making me feel worse about myself because they didn't go anywhere. That feeling of "see there is something wrong with you" is what I felt the most.

I'm not going to lie and say I'm content being alone either. I've just accepted I'll be alone.

Forget about the dates and women part of it then. What about just focusing on the self improvement aspect of things?

Beyond the physical and tangible of working out and improving your financial status. I’m talking therapy. Have you done it, and would you?

 

[Mandarin Duck]

Damn breh I can just tell you're a joy to be around. You're sounding like Eeyore up in here with all of that you're saying.

Alot of y'all think incels are fat losers sitting in their mom's basement hitting on IG models.

Just tryna show y'all that ain't always the case.

 

[Mandarin Duck]

Forget about the dates and women part of it then. What about just focusing on the self improvement aspect of things?

Beyond the physical and tangible of working out and improving your financial status. I’m talking therapy. Have you done it, and would you?

Yea I've gone before but even though I'm lonely I'm still the patriarch of my family.

The last appointment I had I had to cancel because I found myself taking care of 3 of my sisters children by myself.

Now I'm taking care of my father.

I got so much shyt I got to deal with the last thing on my mind is companionship or self help.

I can't pause life to take care of myself.

I do what needs to be done during the day and self medicate at night.

 

[Scaaar]

Alot of y'all think incels are fat losers sitting in their mom's basement hitting on IG models.

Just tryna show y'all that ain't always the case.

I didn't say incels extend to just that type. It's their personality and mindset about life and women in general as well too. Case in point a majority of your self defeatist posts in this thread. That type of energy you give off runs people off like the plague. If you're content with it cool. But if that's your day-to day vibe I can see why you struggle with women outside of transactional relationships.

 

[Mandarin Duck]

I didn't say incels extend to just that type. It's their personality and mindset about life and women in general as well too. Case in point a majority of your self defeatist posts in this thread. That type of energy you give off runs people off like the plague. If you're content with it cool. But if that's your day-to day vibe I can see why you struggle with women outside of transactional relationships.

You wouldn't know anything about the energy I give off based off of 10 post on an internet forum.

This thread is about struggling with women so I'm talking about my experiences.

In fact this is a part of the problem and only creates more echo chambers.

Men can't talk about their problems without being labeled something.

Violent, weirdo, whatever energy you claim I'm giving off.

Dudes can try to have that conversation and it's going to be the extreme of "can't relate you're a loser" like you or "all women are evil" like blackpill incels.

fukk my situation.

I don't want young people listening to people like you calling them losers, or blackpill incels telling them to give up.

You're not helping them and neither is that blackpill incel.

 

[winb83]

There are a lot of women with reasonable standards around. You're just not attracted to them because they don't fit the aesthetic of how "your" women should look. If you're striking out in the dating market. My advice is maybe lower your standards and give the chics that you were ignoring a shot. You probably will be much happier. It seems shooting at the weight class you're pursuing now or above that has affected your confidence quite a bit. But I'm a big believer in mindset and if you're approaching dating with this mindset I see why you're getting negative outcomes. That energy only attracts negative energy...smh

Never settle for less than you want. You shouldn't take something just so you'll have nothing. A gang of people do this and they just end up cheating on the person they're with because deep down they aren't satisfied with them and later down the line another opportunity presents itself. I think so many marriages and relationships fail because people settle for the best they think they can get and later on find out they could have actually done better.

 

[winb83]

Being 35 I feel like I'm apart of that first generation of folks who struggled with women and used the Internet as a crutch.

Didn't get women in HS, didn't get women in college and instead of pursuing women in my 20's I lost my virginity to a prostitute.

Now I wouldn't know the first thing about getting into a relationship or seeing a woman I'm attracted to and knowing what to say.

I hope the people younger than me don't go down that same route.

I think there needs to be more conversations about the taboo topic of male self esteem because imo that's all it comes down to.

If I had a foundation of self esteem to build and work on with women at a younger age I would have pursued them.

I convinced myself women wouldn't like me for who I am so I looked for other ways to see be sexually satisfied.

If that's the case why not just start chatting up random women you find attractive? Don't try to get their number or establish contact past that single conversation. Just make small talk with them until you find a comfort level in doing that. Smile, be pleasant, talk to them and leave without trying to get any contact info. You aren't really facing rejection in that case because your goal is to build the muscle of being able to hold a conversation with a woman not to get with her. When you're comfortable holding conversations with random attractive women you don't know you then you can move on to the next step. If you think that's too much take it a step back and talk to random people men and women and not even women you find attractive. You have to build the ability to speak with strangers without flinching before you can make the next move.

Self esteem is something you'll have to self resolve. You can't look to external sources to build that up. Everyone isn't going to like you. A lot of people might not but I've seen enough men who would seemingly have no chance at a woman with one to know that the real battle is sorting through those that don't to find those that do.

As fuck up an individual as I am in the past I convinced multiple women to sleep with me. If I can do it you can too. Just from how you're talking your problem is likely you're seeking external validation when in reality you're going to have to validate yourself. Once you generate and maintain that internal validation you will be able to attract some women. Everyone has their strengths they can play off of. Everyone has the ability to be charming when they lean into that strength.

 

[Ozymandeas]

Thats actually the problem

Dudes dont want baddies. They want regular degular women from around the way. Problem is a lot of these girls want to he baddies or hang around baddies and get influenced by them

You arent in the field clearly

I dont know a single dude personally who goes after IG chicks lol. Wed even prefer if women dont have IGor have a private profile

You old heads are ignorant

Agreed.

 

[Ozymandeas]

Real shyt
I'm guilty of this dumb shyt and I bet a lot of dudes who struggle with women also are guilty of this.

I rejected women who were into me because I was trying to impress my "friends" and I wanted to show them I could pull a baddie.

Life doesn't work that way

Same. I've had a few that were super into me but, I rejected for dumb reasons.

One in particular I knew liked me but, I was worried about how my friends would perceive it, only for my boy to knock her down and kinda slut her out later.

Made it very weird for me to pursue anything with her when I could've just grabbed her up first.

 

[Mandarin Duck]

If that's the case why not just start chatting up random women you find attractive? Don't try to get their number or establish contact past that single conversation. Just make small talk with them until you find a comfort level in doing that. Smile, be pleasant, talk to them and leave without trying to get any contact info. You aren't really facing rejection in that case because your goal is to build the muscle of being able to hold a conversation with a woman not to get with her. When you're comfortable holding conversations with random attractive women you don't know you then you can move on to the next step. If you think that's too much take it a step back and talk to random people men and women and not even women you find attractive. You have to build the ability to speak with strangers without flinching before you can make the next move.

Self esteem is something you'll have to self resolve. You can't look to external sources to build that up. Everyone isn't going to like you. A lot of people might not but I've seen enough men who would seemingly have no chance at a woman with one to know that the real battle is sorting through those that don't to find those that do.

As fuck up an individual as I am in the past I convinced multiple women to sleep with me. If I can do it you can too. Just from how you're talking your problem is likely you're seeking external validation when in reality you're going to have to validate yourself. Once you generate and maintain that internal validation you will be able to attract some women. Everyone has their strengths they can play off of. Everyone has the ability to be charming when they lean into that strength.

I appreciate the advice, but I'm too far gone.

I know how to talk to women when it comes to just making conversation.

I've accomplished things in my life to validate myself, except being sexually desirable to women.

It's the only aspect of my life I haven't been validated.

I know I'm smart, I know I'm charming. I know I'm funny.

I do not believe women will ever be attracted to me regardless of those things.

It's my Achilles heel.

 

[Wargames]

If that's the case why not just start chatting up random women you find attractive? Don't try to get their number or establish contact past that single conversation. Just make small talk with them until you find a comfort level in doing that. Smile, be pleasant, talk to them and leave without trying to get any contact info. You aren't really facing rejection in that case because your goal is to build the muscle of being able to hold a conversation with a woman not to get with her. When you're comfortable holding conversations with random attractive women you don't know you then you can move on to the next step. If you think that's too much take it a step back and talk to random people men and women and not even women you find attractive. You have to build the ability to speak with strangers without flinching before you can make the next move.

Self esteem is something you'll have to self resolve. You can't look to external sources to build that up. Everyone isn't going to like you. A lot of people might not but I've seen enough men who would seemingly have no chance at a woman with one to know that the real battle is sorting through those that don't to find those that do.

As fuck up an individual as I am in the past I convinced multiple women to sleep with me. If I can do it you can too. Just from how you're talking your problem is likely you're seeking external validation when in reality you're going to have to validate yourself. Once you generate and maintain that internal validation you will be able to attract some women. Everyone has their strengths they can play off of. Everyone has the ability to be charming when they lean into that strength.

Exactly, one of the old PUA sites use to push this idea you got to be able to talk to strangers like an elderly person. Old people start conversations with strangers all the time on whatever is going on. It be literally on whatever is going on within sight and be 1 - 2 minutes but those casual conversations is a skill. You got to chat with women like that, to work up to saying the things they want to hear.

 

[Wargames]

I appreciate the advice, but I'm too far gone.

I know how to talk to women when it comes to just making conversation.

I've accomplished things in my life to validate myself, except being sexually desirable to women.

It's the only aspect of my life I haven't been validated.

I know I'm smart, I know I'm charming. I know I'm funny.

I do not believe women will ever be attracted to regardless of those things.

It's my Achilles heel.

Bro have you considered speaking to a therapist. No funny shyt, to talk about your self image.

 

[Scaaar]

Bro have you considered speaking to a therapist. No funny shyt, to talk about your self image.

I've been telling him that his own lack of self esteem is probably the biggest thing holding him back. He doesn't even believe in himself. That type of energy radiates off of you before they even have a conversation with you.

 

[Mandarin Duck]

Bro have you considered speaking to a therapist. No funny shyt, to talk about your self image.

Yes but I think I need someone more professional than a LCSW.

The last therapist I went to told me I was funny and charming and couldn't understand why I struggled with women.

Like that's why I'm coming to see you

 

[Mandarin Duck]

I've been telling him that his own lack of self esteem is probably the biggest thing holding him back. He doesn't even believe in himself. That type of energy radiates off of you before they even have a conversation with you.

Again, that's y'all problem.

You're so busy trying to "teach" someone something you don't pay attention to what they're saying.

I think there needs to be more conversations about the taboo topic of male self esteem because imo that's all it comes down to.

If I had a foundation of self esteem to build and work on with women at a younger age I would have pursued them.