I never knew my dad. **** my mom, she threw me out of the house before I was even 13. Then she has the gall to try and keep in touch with me after that. Granted my life living with her was ****ty too. I had one friend growing up, the only other kid in town. My entire childhood with him was spent getting the **** kicked out of myself and then listening to him tell me how worthless I was. Not like I had a choice though, there was only nine ****ing people in the town. I **** you not. So I didn't miss the place, but after leaving I spent my entire adolescence wandering the country from town to town.
My only friend at the time was an Asian guy in his mid-thirties who only hung around with me since he thought I'd get him laid. When I first met the guy we got in a huge brawl and he almost killed my pet, a tiny rodent I carried with me. Only after I beat him did he want to have anything to do with me. There was a perk though, this cute red headed girl that started hanging around. She was some kind of a sadist though, she liked to beat me up and talk about water and ****. I think she was a little crazy, but hey, aren't we all?
Well some of us are a little loony, but the bane of my ****ing existence was this loony as **** adult couple. They where one of those kinds that dresses alike and finishes each others sentences. Then they had this crazy cat with them too, the ****ing thing would not shut up. Let alone the ****ing thing always tried to like steal my pet rat and eat it. Damn thing needed a good boot to the face.
I got to see a lot of crazy places, which was nice, but it was an episode after episode to get anywhere.
So my life was ****ing weird, I spent the time traveling from town to town getting in fights with kids and adults. The only thing that kept me going was my dream to become a pokeman master.
My job is so unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:
First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.
The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career oppertunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.
But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big dog to work. Every day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single day.
Anyway, I drive these idiots around in my van and we solve mysteries and that.
negged
