Quick Little Gems on Dealing with Men Thread

[Rawtid]

I see, I dont think there is a difference if you wait 2 months or 2 weeks but that's just me.. The cooking thing isnt about what I think I deserve or feel i'm entitled to, it's just a nice thing to do, it's something I would greatly appreciate again I dont mind doing stuff for you for no reason, I just ask you return the favor in some way. and with all do respect, just as much as I am trying to impress you, you should be trying to impress me. It shouldnt be one sided either way

Yeah if you're doing for her then that's cool.

I think my response is just based on how guys around here say they never do anything for women but then expect to be catered to.

 

[philmonroe]

Boy, bye. You're probably in your 20's.

Sex shouldn't even be introduced into a relationship until you've known each other a VERY long time AND you've agreed to commit to each other...and after a thorough STD/AIDs test. (Don't just swab the cheek, get that blood work done, b) People's true intentions and character will be revealed with time. "it's only so long fake thugs can pretend". You can date someone without fukking them and if you feel you can't, then keep it moving.

and LMMFAO at feed you. Boy, bye 3 times over. fukk I look like? Your mother. You can feed your own self because you've been eating before I came in the picture so you shouldn't be starving now.

Well shyt if sex shouldn't be introduced neither should spending money on a chick until we've agreed to commit to each other. We all know dudes aren't taking chicks out cause they are so awesome so I'm okay with not having sex with a chick but if she think I'm going to do all that "courting" just so she we can chill together she

 

[Poh SIti Dawn]

Well shyt if sex shouldn't be introduced neither should spending money on a chick until we've agreed to commit to each other. We all know dudes aren't taking chicks out cause they are so awesome so I'm okay with not having sex with a chick but if she think I'm going to do all that "courting" just so she we can chill together she

I've never really spent money on my ex or any woman. Most I've bought her is a bracelet from the thrift store (which she loved), a key chain, flowers, and a loaf of bread for her family during Ramadan.

Not all women expect expensive gifts, you guys just aren't creative at all. And I've never taken her out either. Depending on the person, whether male or female you can just give them the minimal things. Dinner shouldn't be introduced until you're like fully in love and even then if you don't want to go out then just say it. Come on guys, not every woman wants the world, they might just want you. And if they want the world and it's something that you're not willing to give, then why even get involved with them? You have yourself only to blame for such a simplistic point of view.

But maybe that's just the northwestern hipster in me.


Btw these are things I never went out of my way to get. I was out and about and found them. And I bought them cause I wanted to, not because I felt obligated. If you feel obligated to do something then maybe you're playing the wrong game.

 

[Rawtid]

Well shyt if sex shouldn't be introduced neither should spending money on a chick until we've agreed to commit to each other. We all know dudes aren't taking chicks out cause they are so awesome so I'm okay with not having sex with a chick but if she think I'm going to do all that "courting" just so she we can chill together she

You damn right!!

Dudes shouldn't be spending money on chicks they aren't serious with. I'd say if a guy asks a female out to dinner it's expected for him to pay because he did ask, but you can go on a free date or something where you two agree to go dutch.

 

[philmonroe]

I've never really spent money on my ex or any woman. Most I've bought her is a bracelet from the thrift store (which she loved), a key chain, flowers, and a loaf of bread for her family during Ramadan.

Not all women expect expensive gifts, you guys just aren't creative at all. And I've never taken her out either. Depending on the person, whether male or female you can just give them the minimal things. Dinner shouldn't be introduced until you're like fully in love and even then if you don't want to go out then just say it. Come on guys, not every woman wants the world, they might just want you. And if they want the world and it's something that you're not willing to give, then why even get involved with them? You have yourself only to blame for such a simplistic point of view.

But maybe that's just the northwestern hipster in me.


Btw these are things I never went out of my way to get. I was out and about and found them. And I bought them cause I wanted to, not because I felt obligated. If you feel obligated to do something then maybe you're playing the wrong game.

My brother are you trying to get internet props from the chicks or something? I didn't say shyt about expensive gifts and if I did show me where I said it at. I'm not treating a chick differently just because I might fukk her but obviously you the type to do that and do your thing but don't try to shyt on me cause I don't run my BI like you do. There is more than one way to achieve the same goal and I don't like your way (just like you don't like mine) period. The same way we should have to wait for sex girls should have to wait for me to do things for her on the "provider" side. If you want to be the nice guy and buy cheap things cool thats you but lets not kid ourselves most guys wouldn't do that shyt for nikkas they known for their whole lives but some chick you barely know gtfohwthbs. I'm saying I agree with Rawtid but only if she don't want me doing the "courting" things just cause she has a vagina.

You damn right!!

Dudes shouldn't be spending money on chicks they aren't serious with. I'd say if a guy asks a female out to dinner it's expected for him to pay because he did ask, but you can go on a free date or something where you two agree to go dutch.

I never agree with the asking out thing cause chicks rarely ask out so thats a weak excuse to me. Its also weak imo cause I ask my male/female friends out they don't expect me to pay like they some superstar and I'm a groupie. If we are just two people that are trying to learn about each other and see if we vibe I don't see why we can't go dutch or hell at least do different things where each person takes turns paying. I like that and maybe cause 2 of my longest relationships thats how things were not this outdated dating funny style shyt that goes on nowadays. If guys wholesale didn't let their frail I have to be a superhero egos get in the way they would see this just like if women wholesale didn't place their value in how much they could get a guy to spend/do for them dating might just be doing better today.

 

[kevm3]

I figured I'll give women my own perspective on what attracts women. Some may be offended at what I have to say and you are completely free to disagree. With that said, I'm going to give it to you raw and uncut, instead of like a lot of those charlatans writing books and telling you what you want to hear... but ultimately the advice is found lacking in application.

A woman needs to keep it consistent.

Men will eventually figure out what you are doing if you are being deceptive. A game a lot of women play is the Miss Sweet Miss Freak role. For one man, they are playing little Miss Sweet, aka I'm looking for a relationship, I'm a great girl and doing all the right things but I just can't find the right man. Then, during that same period of time, for another man they play Miss Freak, aka I'm miss Twerkalator, I'm nasty as can be, etc. If a woman wants to be able to get and maintain a great man, she has to have ONE mode. If you are giving one man you are sweet and all about relationships and then you're dealing with another guy who you think looks handsome and has game and you give it up to him the first night, what do you think the guy you are trying to get in a relationship will start to think when he discovers you just gave it up to some other guy on the first night? "Why would I pay for something that someone else is getting for free? If all he has to do is have a little game to get inside her, why in the world would I spend time courting her?" As a woman, you have to decide what it is you want and then BE THAT WOMAN. If you want to be Miss Freak, then let people know and then accept what comes with that, but if you want a relationship, you have to be a woman worthy of a relationship. You can't offer two men the same thing but charge vastly different prices and expect them to be cool with that. It's like you going into a perfume store and finding that the woman at the counter sold you a bottle of perfume for $105, but sold that same perfume to someone else for $35. You will be highly offended upon discovering that fact and you will not even do business with that store anymore or you will rage a huge fit and demand your money back. It's the same thing with a relationship. A relationship is a commitment and hard work, so you have to be committed and work hard at being a woman worthy of being in a relationship and expect the same from your man.

Know What Attracts a Man

There is a societal agenda to flip the roles of the genders and as we're finding out, it isn't working to anyone's benefit. Most women are not attracted to highly emotional, feminized men, and men aren't interested in manly women. Do not run from your femininity, but embrace it. In society, men have traditionally held the role of a provider... so men do not really seek that trait when looking for a woman. Most men will find your degree and your career interesting, but we value other traits much more highly. A loud, brash, contentious woman who is making a lot of money will quickly be passed on in comparison to a sweet, supportive woman who is not making as much money. This is not to say to never have an opinion or to always agree with your man. It's about your PRESENTATION. You can have a woman with the exact same beliefs, but depending on how she presented herself-- in a more feminine or a more masculine manner-- she will get completely different results from a man. A man will be way more receptive to a woman who has a sweet tone to her voice, wears a dress or a skirt and just knows how to embrace her femininity compared to a woman who wears blue jeans and t shirts all day and has that sort of obnoxious drunk, party-girl vibe. Presentation matters... a lot.

I will continue with some others later.

 

[Mass]

all i see.. us generalization after generalization.

 

[Newzz]

Boy, bye. You're probably in your 20's.

Sex shouldn't even be introduced into a relationship until you've known each other a VERY long time AND you've agreed to commit to each other...and after a thorough STD/AIDs test. (Don't just swab the cheek, get that blood work done, b) People's true intentions and character will be revealed with time. "it's only so long fake thugs can pretend". You can date someone without fukking them and if you feel you can't, then keep it moving.

and LMMFAO at feed you. Boy, bye 3 times over. fukk I look like? Your mother. You can feed your own self because you've been eating before I came in the picture so you shouldn't be starving now.

 

[KnowledgeIsQueen]

Having experienced immeasurable negativity and heartache, I browsed through this thread to see if I made any contributions; there aren't any.

After pondering for 30 minutes (before typing this response) I realized it's because of the space I am in my life. The only way for me to delve into a subject is if I'm given a specific scenario to dissect from different angles. I can tell another what I've endured, but to sit here and come up with a laundry list of do's and don'ts, IMO isn't realistic.

You cannot internalize another individuals experience, making it your own. One has to go through their own fire to comprehend how it burns.


For every failed relationship, a man/woman encountered an individual who possessed qualities you either love or abhor. Yet, many focus on the negativity instead of what it taught them about life & themselves.

In essence: a man/woman will treat you as you treat yourself.

 

[Newzz]

Having experienced immeasurable negativity and heartache, I browsed through this thread to see if I made any contributions; there aren't any.

After pondering for 30 minutes (before typing this response) I realized it's because of the space I am in my life. The only way for me to delve into a subject is if I'm given a specific scenario to dissect from different angles. I can tell another what I've endured, but to sit here and come up with a laundry list of do's and don'ts, IMO isn't realistic.

You cannot internalize another individuals experience, making it your own. One has to go through their own fire to comprehend how it burns.


For every failed relationship a man/woman encountered an individual who possessed qualities you either love or abhor. Yet, many focus on the negativity instead of what it taught them about life & themselves.

In essence: a man/woman will treat you as you treat yourself.

Yep, that's why my favorite quote is "People will only do to you what you allow them to"

That's in all facets of life and is the same amongst all races.

 

[KnowledgeIsQueen]

Yep, that's why my favorite quote is "People will only do to you what you allow them to"

That's in all facets of life and is the same amongst all races.

Indeed.

I know the relationship I am in now, is everything that it is because of the love I have for myself. It has absolutely nothing to do with how I deal with the opposite sex.

When I was filled with naiveté, bitterness, hatred, uncertainty, revenge, spite, etc. That's what I was surrounded by. My aura attracted individuals who knew they could exploit my past experiences or what I've yet to learn about myself/life.

If you have the inability to look at yourself & understand your flaws, the last thing you should try to figure out is the next person.

That's, just me though.

 

[Newzz]

Indeed.

I know the relationship I am in now, is everything that it is because of the love I have for myself. It has absolutely nothing to do with how I deal with the opposite sex.

When I was filled with naiveté, bitterness, hatred, uncertainty, revenge, spite, etc. That's what I was surrounded by. My aura attracted individuals who knew they could exploit my past experiences or what I've yet to learn about myself/life.

If you have the inability to look at yourself & understand your flaws, the last thing you should try to figure out is the next person.

That's, just me though.

I agree totally.


I just focus on myself and trying to be the best Man for myself, Husband for my Wife, and Father for my Kids that I can be and let everything fall into place.


I have the mentality that as long as I'm doing the best I can at that particular moment and staying focused on improving myself, that if something doesnt work out, I know at the very least I did as much as I could to make it successful

 

[kevm3]

Respect yourself, respect the man you are dealing with and make sure the man you are dealing with is respectful

As a woman, if you do not respect yourself, you cannot expect anyone else to do it. You cannot engage in several actions that show a lack of respect for yourself and then try to 'demand respect' later. The only kind of respect that you can truly demand is the level of respect that you are worthy of. The problem going on with a lot of people these days is that they want the labels, but they don't want to have to qualify for them. You can't be a 'jazzy, classy lady' if you do none of the things that embody that label. The label thus becomes meaningless if everyone applies to themselves without having to qualify. It loses all of it's power. Contrary to what you may think, men will actually respect you more if you keep your legs closed, but you have to do it across the board. You can't withhold sex from one man but simultaneously give it to another man on the first night. Now, you may lose some attention in the quantity of men you deal with, but you will gain in quality. Men talk among each other in regards to women. If your name keeps on coming up in the man discussions about women who got hit on the first night, you will develop a reputation, and many men will treat you according to your reputation. On the other hand, if they know you for respecting yourself and not letting the nonsense fly, then they will approach you more respectfully. Now, you may drive away a lot of the guys just trying to hit it, but if you want to be in a serious relationship, that is to your BENEFIT.

Now, let's talk about respecting the man you are dealing with. If you are seriously interested in someone and they are interested in you, you have to treat him with respect. If you are one of those women constantly texting on the phone while he is taking you out, you are never ready on time, or he texts you and you either ignore his texts or respond hours later, then you will immediately lower your value with him. This sounds like common sense, but it is way more prevalent in reality than you would think. These little details matter a lot.

Another issue is you have to choose a respectful man in the first place if you want respect. If you choose T. Bird the next up and coming rapper and his songs are filled with nothing about what he does to hoes and what he's about to do with the next ho he gets, then if you accept his company, do not be surprised that he does the SAME THING to you, despite how he acts when he's talking to you. Players are great at putting on a front, or in other words, a pleasing persona in order to get what they want from you... and as soon as they get it, the real them comes out. If you want to know someone, you have to find out about their history. If he doesn't have any sort of history of commitment, I don't care what you think... You don't have the magic box or secret seduction skills to change that around. If you want commitment, look for someone who has a history of being committed in some capacity. Now, that's not to say that people can't change and be a different person from their past history, but don't be surprised if that 'change' was only temporary. Real change is difficult and most people revert back to their long-standing patterns of behavior. If you are willing to take the risk of waiting for a man to change from his player ways, understand what you are getting into and the potential repercussions behind it. If you want to minimize your risk for nonsense, look for a man that has already demonstrated in his history that quality of commitment-- if that's what you are looking for.

 

[KnowledgeIsQueen]

I agree totally.


I just focus on myself and trying to be the best Man for myself, Husband for my Wife, and Father for my Kids that I can be and let everything fall into place.


I have the mentality that as long as I'm doing the best I can at that particular moment and staying focused on improving myself, that if something doesnt work out, I know at the very least I did as much as I could to make it successful

You can say that because you're actually happy within your relationship & have the understanding: there is no rhyme/reason or master plan.

Once upon a time, I would have participated heavily in a thread such as this. Assuming, the words I type would somehow save others from what I had to live (one of the worst things you can do, is rob someone of their own experience).

As I look back, half of what I thought was downright foolish and doesn't exist in the reality, only in my mind. Various individuals have the tendency to sum up what they perceive to be a failure(s) believing that's what they have to avoid in order to be fruitful, respected, loved, etc. If one were actually sit down and think, we truly never learn the same thing (good/bad) from our relationships, even if the end result is to part ways.

 

[Poh SIti Dawn]

Having experienced immeasurable negativity and heartache, I browsed through this thread to see if I made any contributions; there aren't any.

After pondering for 30 minutes (before typing this response) I realized it's because of the space I am in my life. The only way for me to delve into a subject is if I'm given a specific scenario to dissect from different angles. I can tell another what I've endured, but to sit here and come up with a laundry list of do's and don'ts, IMO isn't realistic.

You cannot internalize another individuals experience, making it your own. One has to go through their own fire to comprehend how it burns.


For every failed relationship, a man/woman encountered an individual who possessed qualities you either love or abhor. Yet, many focus on the negativity instead of what it taught them about life & themselves.

In essence: a man/woman will treat you as you treat yourself.

Well that last line definitely true, I treat people well, some people treat me bad. We don't have control over others actions, obviously. As far as internalize another's individuals experience, I don't feel as if that's what many of us do, if you look at the men's thread most of the guys have all experienced similar things when it comes to cheating.

I see it as if you're in love, so you think these threads serve no purpose and are for bitter people who have been in failed relationships. Eh, maybe they are, maybe they aren't, but I'm not bitter, and I doubt many others are as well. Like most things, we only pick apart what we want, and then we take it and leave the rest of the things to rot. In these threads, eh I'm good looking and such but what I really needed was to learn to put myself first and to not care about everyone else's well being, all the boys in my family (brother, cousins) all take care of their friends and such like we're their mothers, even when they mess up we still love unconditionally. And what I've learned is that for example with my ex, I'll forgive you for what you've done, but make it right, but I'm not going to forgive you until you make it right, and when you can approach me and make it right then I'll mend our friendship. So I'm not scorned or whatever, it's just good to see a thread that bigs up loving yourself more than it does the opposite sex tbh.