Been in this exact situation except with a GF instead of a wife. No easy answer breh. In the end I came to the conclusion the requests to "open up" and "communicate" were really requests for me to say exactly what she wanted to hear.
Do you know your wife's love language? This GF in particular's #1 was words of affirmation, so I think that's ultimately where the request for communication came from. She was looking for affirmation vs. open communication as we see it. It's not always the case that women can even understand what we're saying from a rational place.
Do you feel like when you do open up and she gets mad, she's jumping to conclusions and making logical leaps that have you like
? You might even try calling this out: "You ask me to open up and communicate, but if I don't say something exactly the way you expect me or need me to say it, things spiral out of control. I'm not going to be a perfect communicator, but we'll get nowhere if I have to stop and try to guess the perfect wording before expressing myself to you."