Old Hoes with No Clothes :snoopfacepalm:

[Heafcliffe]

around 2008 i was drinking brews at my cousin's crib in this low income apt complex called Kimberly Parkway/Riverdale Plaza /Marsh run
in Columbus.

We're on Urbanchat going through my inbox and I see a pair of titties underneath a face, it was bettable. She hit me with a "u cute"
and I responded back with "what you on" ...
We exchange numbers and SHE calls immediately. (I'm not surprised at all, the brew was in me and I had the power at the time. Plus she had the fat girl angle shot game and was probably hiding some MORE ugliness.)
We talk and I give her my cousin's address like a damn dummy. She's on her way.
My cousin's reaction "where y'all about to go because she can't come in here my nikka"
Went to her page and through her pictures...

eventually turned into
Them titties tho....because more brew.
I regret continued brew.
She pulled up and hopped out the whip. I'm like 5'11...6'0 w/ some air maxes or timbs...and this bytch was at least 2 inches taller than that + about 100 lbs bigger.
Titties were big but everything had strange proportions like 2 kids stacked on top of each other disguised as a man...or the MIB Edgar suit.

The face....OH THE FACE.
Shorty had a hairy mole on her cheek in the same place Paula Abdul has her beauty mark.
nikka IT HAD HAIR
.
I convinced her to take me to the corner store for ANOTHER BREW....and I fukked her in the parking lot of another complex. SO DRUNK, NO CONDOM.
Her body had mad raw hamburger areas and stretch marks upon stretch marks...I had to hit from the front in the backseat and it was super awkward lifting up the tiger striped rolls, and she kept turning my face toward hers tryna make me kiss her.
My story is jumbled because this is horrible to relive...and sadly, not the last I heard from her.
She had me drop her off at work and use her car once...I got it towed...and had to pay her back physically.



I hate myself.

 

[Dont@Me]

But on a serious note, I swear most women have ZERO game and are waaaaay too direct when they want sex. It’s like that Tupac line:

“I hate to sound sleezy, but tease me, I don’t want it if it’s that easy.”

It's because they don't need the same kind of game and men approach women more than vice versa . I wouldn't work if I received free paychecks either

 

[Claudex]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WOULD HAVE STARTED A RELATIONSHIP AND TOOK THE L DURING LIQUOR TIMES

You're a strong man

Breh she called me a coward and told me I was afraid of being happy to my face.

I legit had to keep quiet and just take it. I say had to 'cause my ass knew that if I decided to somehow make it about her then she was gonna check mate me and I'd be the one trying to get her back. She was baiting me hard breh, I tried my best to not give her a reaction (thank God it was enough).
Best decision I ever made was keep shyt short with her; we only rolled for about 2.5 months. If I'd stayed with her for 6 it would've been a wrap for me. Didn't even dare wish her a happy new year breh.

Edit: Aye December 22nd one of the homies straight up asked me: Bruh, what about that crazy fun-sized little thing you was hitting on the low, y'all doing something on the 31st?

Had to hit homie with the:

 

[Luke Cage]

I remember i had an involuntary reaction to this older chick i messed once or twice with when i was in highschool. She invited me over to her apartment.
She gets undressed in front of me to take a shower and i was like when i saw her stomach. It caught me off guard because she was pretty slim otherwise. but had this empty sack hanging. I tried to play it off though and was immediately like .

 

[YamakaSmacker]

Titties were big but everything had strange proportions like 2 kids stacked on top of each other disguised as a man...

 

[Brolic Scholar]

I’m back with another dirtbag story.

So around the same age as the first story I shared an office with a cacette named Crystal. She was in her 30s and was aging like milk. But she was super flirtatious, which I typically ignored. Her body was legit... short, nice legs, ample booty and a c cup. She kinda looked like old girl from 90210.

Her daughter was around my age and sexy af but outside of burning a blunt with her during a work outing, I never really pursued or kept up with her. Crystal invited me to spend a night to hang out with her daughter once, but that felt like a huge trap and that’s a story for another time.

One day in the office Crystal was adjusting her blouse that had “accidentally” opened. It had a button in the corner keeping it all together and when it came undone there were her titties and bra on full display. I tried to play it off on some...

But she reopened it to make sure I saw and caught me looking like...

After that she went straight to sex talk. Asking if my gf knows how to S my D and all of that. I wasn’t attracted to her with my mind but all blood had drained from my brain at that point and was headed south.

So I was like nah, my girl doesn’t know what she’s doing and asked her if she could show me what a good bj was supposed to feel like. Mannnn... this bih said “follow me” in the middle of the day... AT WORK.

I mean... I didn’t go immediately, but at some point I ended up in the women’s bathroom with the door locked getting my dikk sucked.



Several days later after she kept begging me to stab... I finally gave in. We went to a spot I had the keys to where I knew no one would be. It was actually a high school gym that I got keys to and would work out at after work.

I wanted to be in and out.

I’m thinking old girl was gonna be stacked under her clothes.



Breh... I put that condom on and made that session the shortest I probably have on record. I didn’t even care if she came, which somehow she did.

Old girl looked like havarti cheese came alive and threw on a wig.

The funniest part was a coworker also used to work out there and the people that lived by the school thought I was him and reported his ass for going to the gym to fukk and he lost his privileges. He knew it was me and was cool about it. Poor breh is still serving time for murder on another story I’ll tell some day.

 

[☃ ೋ]

I’m back with another dirtbag story....

Gif placements killin me

 

[kuts]

Couldn't even nut

 

[8====D]

AYOOOOO!

This thread is straight comedy !

fukk it, EVERYONE IS GETTING REPPED!

 

[SheWantTheD]

Post pregnancy bodies (more so the stomach) is proof woman shouldn't be overweight.

Because you see people like Teyana Taylor's body after pregnancy.. she don't got that extra wrinkly, nasty looking skin post pregnancy.

I'm a curvy woman lover myself though

 

[Brolic Scholar]

Post pregnancy bodies (more so the stomach) is proof woman shouldn't be overweight.

Because you see people like Teyana Taylor's body after pregnancy.. she don't got that extra wrinkly, nasty looking skin post pregnancy.

I'm a curvy woman lover myself though

A lot of women get surgery after they have babies. My ex is very athletic and isn’t fat at all. Stayed in great shape and even she has a saggy stomach. Not many stretch marks, but the chances of a woman coming out of childbirth (especially multiple times) with no battle damage is slim to none. I don’t trip on that really. It’s letting everything else fall off that’s unfortunate.

 

[Clay Puppington]

I went to a Harlem PJ I had no business being in to clip this ole lady
She had me fooled cause she be wearing them legging type jeans that made her ass look crazy
I pulled her pants off and she had a post-pregnancy stomach with no pregnancy

The ass was actually fat though so I came out with the W.

 

[Brolic Scholar]

I went to a Harlem PJ I had no business being in to clip this ole lady
She had me fooled cause she be wearing them legging type jeans that made her ass look crazy
I pulled her pants off and she had a post-pregnancy stomach with no pregnancy

The ass was actually fat though so I came out with the W.

 

[TheNig]

Never had one with a sloppy body but she had a few kids and that pwusseh looked like

...

Cut one that had 5 kids. I was 26 and she was 42. I tried to break that old bytch in two.

 

[Rusty Kuntz]

This thread is hilarious.