Spiritual journey and some ppl can't all go
Say no more. I've been divorced before (amicably, no drama to share other than my own episode of depression after) and this is sort of what our issues came down to.
We were both well to do in our careers. Together we made at least $250k easily. We never worried alor argued over money or bills. We had a clear pathway to starting a family.
But we was just on completely different paths in life and had completely different ideas of what a fulfilling life as adults (as well as parents) looked like. I wanted to keep growing, keep traveling, keep dating and exploring together. keep doing more, and was just open to a lot of things. But she was kind of a daddy's girl that just wanted to follow after her (miserable, unhappy, and likely sexless) parents who were always coming down her ear, and rush into kids and everything. Not to mention she emulated a lot of her disgruntled parents pushy, overly anxious, combative personalities, which just made me miserable and realize that having kids and going forward would be a mistake for myself and for them.
I'll never forget the morning she lashed out at me like crazy and started an argument just before I had to get to bed for work, all because I got a oil change at some place close by but her father told her she could've gotten it cheaper or something somewhere else. And instead of standing up for us and telling him "thanks for the advice. Ill pass that on to him, but I think we can take of ourselves" she of course takes dear old Daddy's word and critcisms for everything and makes it this huge loud argument as if we threw away a thousand dollars and humiliated ourselves. And that's when I knew the control and influence this girls parents have over her, her views, and her own "spiritual path" as an adult just doesn't match with me and ain't even how I want to raise my kids.
I have no doubt her anger was really coming from her nosey toxic narcisstic father scolding her for not listening to him or some shyt and getting in her ear invalidating me as a reliable husband who can take of things.II swear I couldn't even pretend to respect or enjoy the company of that motherfukker. Having a conversation with him was like trying to hold a conversation with a stray dog. The type of motherfukker who will yap away but cuts you off as soon as you breathe.
Thats the type of nonsense I had to deal with, and that I didnt want in MY marriage or the rest of my life. I couldn't take it.
If I stuck my head in the sand and went through with kids. We would've have been arguing every other day easily been divorced anyway, living as just another angry, separated, black couple, leaving our children to live through the same trauma we both went through.
I still love her as a person and a big chapter in my life. In fact we still talk once in a while, pep each other up, and morally support one another here and there. She finally found a man that aligns with her views and values and Im nothing but relieved and happy for her, while I do my thing out here. No resentment at all. But by the end of the day two completely different journeys into adulthood just couldn't keep us together