Let's Discuss: Between 40-60% of Black Women have been Sexually Abused before the Age of 18

[GoGetMyDamnBelt_]

We have a duty to protect children (male and female). The fact that this stat is so high is troubling. It's probably elevated for black male children as well. Access to help is a major issue. Black children are being "educated" in schools where they are being overly-punished and underestimated. That kind of environment doesn't breed trust for these children.Who are they supposed to turn to? In sexual abuse cases involving children especially the perpetrator is usually a relative or close family friend! That brings up the code of silence that seems to permeate many families as well. And on top of all of that people who are sexually abused often become abusers themselves. The issue is pervasive.

Sad.. but true..

 

[GoGetMyDamnBelt_]

Adults maybe but this isn't true for kids.

Lies. I don't wanna go down memory lane but it is true for kids.

 

[Poitier]

Lies. I don't wanna go down memory lane but it is true for kids.

Nope. I feel very confident in providing research for my POV but I know you can't.

 

[GoGetMyDamnBelt_]

Nope. I feel very confident in providing research for my POV but I know you can't.

I can't provise research but I can with experience. Surprisingly, I can remember shyt from the age of 4 on up. When I was 4 my 16 year old cousin touched me. Molestation started from there. She use to babysit me and my older brother, who was a year older than me and also being touched by her, while my mom was working 2 jobs and almost due giving birth to my little brother. Not only did the broad touch me, she did this sick shyt by having me and my brother touch on eachother. Naturally, my brother and I had fear for her because she use to beat our ass and do other wicked shyt when we didn't do what she want so we didn't say anything.
It wasn't till I hit first grade where her dad purchased a plane ticket for her to go back to Bahamas (which is where she was from). Till this day, I don't know why she left.
From the age of 7, it kept happening again. By countless men, what they all had in common was that they all some form of way, knew my mother. The first time by a man, he was like 24/25, who lived in the apartments above me. He use to stay outside and watch the kids play so people naturally trusted him. Including my mom. One day, he saw me playing football with the other boys outside, it was early morning like 8 am type ish, he came downstairs furious and was dragging my ass home saying "I shouldn't be playing with other boys." Know what he did? He pushed me into the empty laundry room and fondled me. Touching on my 'developing' t*ts and cooch (I was over-developed) and I swear he would of done more if I didn't start crying. I knew what was happening and it scared me. He stopped at just touching me and nothing more.
I told my mom. She didn't believe me.
Buddy did it again multiple times after that. He did it any chance he thought we would be alone. In the stairwell, laundry room, in the empty halls, even tried to bring me inside his home.
What made him stop was his mother. She was wondering why I never come over when my family does. So I told her what her son was doing to me. I don't know what she did but I never saw him around after that.

Happened again when I was 9. A family friend resurfaced. His name was Paul. Says he knew my family since he was young, went to high school with my mom, aunts and uncle. All that good stuff. He use to come over almost every day with his wife and son. I don't remember how it started but a kiss on the cheek 'hello' turned into him giving me kisses on the mouth. Or walking into the bathroom while I'm bathing, fingering me or playing with my t*ts. It went on for months like that. Again, I told my mom. She told me "don't wear short things around the house when he comes by," or "go to your room when he's here."
I don't know whether my mom told Paul what I said or if he felt like since he can get away with just touching, he can get away with more. He raped me. I lost my virginity at 9. At the time, I didn't know much on sex. In school, I saw the other kids kiss and shyt but no one mentioned anymore than that. My mom, till this day, swore up and down I had my period when I keep telling her that wasn't what it was. I had my first menstrual at 12. That's a 3 year difference.
So instead of telling my mom this time, I told his wife. It's one of those things where I don't know what happened to him because he stopped coming around after I told.
What I do know is my mom was sleeping with him. Do you know how infuriating, how disgusted I felt to know she was sleeping not only with a married man who she plays buddy-buddy with his wife but to know she was sleeping with a man that she allows to molest and eventually rape her daughter?
My mom is one of those people who can't think without a man. A man is what defines her and what makes her more of a woman. People like her doesn't deserve kids. So, eventually, she found out what I did (telling his wife) she beat the living fukk outta me and blamed me for her not having a man. Said I'm out to sabotage her relationships. Even said I fukked the boys in the apartment building that I played football with & turned around and pinned it on Paul because I never liked him.
What made it worse is that's what my mom told my family. No one wanted to accept my side of the story on it. Everyone kept their distance. I felt alone in all this. I always thought I'd get over that shyt but at 21, I don't see it happening.
I was told it was my fault because I thought I was grown, my fault for showing off my growing titts, ass and curves. My fault for not knowing how to divert the attention of an older man.

 

[Poitier]

I can't provise research .

Sad to hear that but your personal story is not indicative of the norm nor explains why sex assault against children goes largely unpunished, though i'm sure victim shaming contributes. Some parents are like your mom but even supportive parents are at the mercy of the court, Also sucks it was continual which made it very easy to notice was wrong, I bet. Its really hard to prevent the 1st time because like you described these predators are trusted people who are 2 faced.

 

[agnosticlady]

I can't provise research but I can with experience. Surprisingly, I can remember shyt from the age of 4 on up. When I was 4 my 16 year old cousin touched me. Molestation started from there. She use to babysit me and my older brother, who was a year older than me and also being touched by her, while my mom was working 2 jobs and almost due giving birth to my little brother. Not only did the broad touch me, she did this sick shyt by having me and my brother touch on eachother. Naturally, my brother and I had fear for her because she use to beat our ass and do other wicked shyt when we didn't do what she want so we didn't say anything.
It wasn't till I hit first grade where her dad purchased a plane ticket for her to go back to Bahamas (which is where she was from). Till this day, I don't know why she left.
From the age of 7, it kept happening again. By countless men, what they all had in common was that they all some form of way, knew my mother. The first time by a man, he was like 24/25, who lived in the apartments above me. He use to stay outside and watch the kids play so people naturally trusted him. Including my mom. One day, he saw me playing football with the other boys outside, it was early morning like 8 am type ish, he came downstairs furious and was dragging my ass home saying "I shouldn't be playing with other boys." Know what he did? He pushed me into the empty laundry room and fondled me. Touching on my 'developing' t*ts and cooch (I was over-developed) and I swear he would of done more if I didn't start crying. I knew what was happening and it scared me. He stopped at just touching me and nothing more.
I told my mom. She didn't believe me.
Buddy did it again multiple times after that. He did it any chance he thought we would be alone. In the stairwell, laundry room, in the empty halls, even tried to bring me inside his home.
What made him stop was his mother. She was wondering why I never come over when my family does. So I told her what her son was doing to me. I don't know what she did but I never saw him around after that.

Happened again when I was 9. A family friend resurfaced. His name was Paul. Says he knew my family since he was young, went to high school with my mom, aunts and uncle. All that good stuff. He use to come over almost every day with his wife and son. I don't remember how it started but a kiss on the cheek 'hello' turned into him giving me kisses on the mouth. Or walking into the bathroom while I'm bathing, fingering me or playing with my t*ts. It went on for months like that. Again, I told my mom. She told me "don't wear short things around the house when he comes by," or "go to your room when he's here."
I don't know whether my mom told Paul what I said or if he felt like since he can get away with just touching, he can get away with more. He raped me. I lost my virginity at 9. At the time, I didn't know much on sex. In school, I saw the other kids kiss and shyt but no one mentioned anymore than that. My mom, till this day, swore up and down I had my period when I keep telling her that wasn't what it was. I had my first menstrual at 12. That's a 3 year difference.
So instead of telling my mom this time, I told his wife. It's one of those things where I don't know what happened to him because he stopped coming around after I told.
What I do know is my mom was sleeping with him. Do you know how infuriating, how disgusted I felt to know she was sleeping not only with a married man who she plays buddy-buddy with his wife but to know she was sleeping with a man that she allows to molest and eventually rape her daughter?
My mom is one of those people who can't think without a man. A man is what defines her and what makes her more of a woman. People like her doesn't deserve kids. So, eventually, she found out what I did (telling his wife) she beat the living fukk outta me and blamed me for her not having a man. Said I'm out to sabotage her relationships. Even said I fukked the boys in the apartment building that I played football with & turned around and pinned it on Paul because I never liked him.
What made it worse is that's what my mom told my family. No one wanted to accept my side of the story on it. Everyone kept their distance. I felt alone in all this. I always thought I'd get over that shyt but at 21, I don't see it happening.
I was told it was my fault because I thought I was grown, my fault for showing off my growing titts, ass and curves. My fault for not knowing how to divert the attention of an older man.

Wow I am soooo sorry. Have you gone to therapy of any kind?

 

[GoGetMyDamnBelt_]

Wow I am soooo sorry. Have you gone to therapy of any kind?

No but I know I should. I been dealing with depression badly since I was about 8. I was hospitalized at 13 for suicide attempt. Shyt was just getting worse.
I graduated high school at 16 and got out my mom house and moved out. I've done good so far and I'm still aiming for higher but feels like I'll never be happy with myself.
That crap there did a number on me as far as discovering my sexuality. I thought I liked girls when I really didn't. I was sexually ackward like I was the type to wear some kind of clothing during sex and not be so active during it. Sex easily confuses me. I hate how I hated sex yet I seem to continue doing it.
My husband was the one who I was able to get comfortable with sexually. I was able to be open to try and do alot with him. Sometimes it pisses me off when we're angry at eachother he says we can still have sex and resolve our issues when I believe it just makes me confused. He doesn't understand and I don't know how to explain it. I know I should see someone because the whole depression shyt eats at me but I don't wanna be thrown in a crazy house for the things that go on in my head..

 

[agnosticlady]

I think both @Poitier and @bcrusaderw have a point. Let's say a child is 5 years old and is being touched inappropriately by someone in their family or someone that is close to their family. Do they know it's wrong at that time? Probably not unless someone taught them it was and how many parents are teaching their children to watch out for that? I'm certain it's very few and once that child gets older and realizes that what happened to them was wrong they probably don't know how to communicate what happened to anyone else because they're still trying to come to grips with it themselves. It's really not until they become adults that they begin to realize how wrong it was and that the person who did it should be punished for it but by that time it could be too late and they could be weary of the reaction they would get for finally disclosing such information. I know personally when I heard about it from one of my family members I started crying because I couldn't believe that something like that happened to her and I didn't know what to do about it myself so I'm sure she was conflicted. Do you tell your parents after so much time has passed and there's really nothing that can be done about it and you're not even sure if they'll believe you especially if it's someone they were close to or do you keep it hidden and learn to live with it?

This is so true. I think that there are so many reasons behind why people do not tell. I was watching a short mini documentary about pedophilia. The pedophiles went to Thailand/Taiwan (I know it was in Asia). Do little girls were as young as 7 years old asking the grown men if they want pop pop( a blow job). A lot of young children are groomed into thinking that it is ok. The predator may give them treats, or try to become their friend. There needs to be a lot of sex education for young children, because there are people preying on them


I think it was this video....It starts around 3:50

 

[Tenchi Ryu]

I can't provise research but I can with experience. Surprisingly, I can remember shyt from the age of 4 on up. When I was 4 my 16 year old cousin touched me. Molestation started from there. She use to babysit me and my older brother, who was a year older than me and also being touched by her, while my mom was working 2 jobs and almost due giving birth to my little brother. Not only did the broad touch me, she did this sick shyt by having me and my brother touch on eachother. Naturally, my brother and I had fear for her because she use to beat our ass and do other wicked shyt when we didn't do what she want so we didn't say anything.
It wasn't till I hit first grade where her dad purchased a plane ticket for her to go back to Bahamas (which is where she was from). Till this day, I don't know why she left.
From the age of 7, it kept happening again. By countless men, what they all had in common was that they all some form of way, knew my mother. The first time by a man, he was like 24/25, who lived in the apartments above me. He use to stay outside and watch the kids play so people naturally trusted him. Including my mom. One day, he saw me playing football with the other boys outside, it was early morning like 8 am type ish, he came downstairs furious and was dragging my ass home saying "I shouldn't be playing with other boys." Know what he did? He pushed me into the empty laundry room and fondled me. Touching on my 'developing' t*ts and cooch (I was over-developed) and I swear he would of done more if I didn't start crying. I knew what was happening and it scared me. He stopped at just touching me and nothing more.
I told my mom. She didn't believe me.
Buddy did it again multiple times after that. He did it any chance he thought we would be alone. In the stairwell, laundry room, in the empty halls, even tried to bring me inside his home.
What made him stop was his mother. She was wondering why I never come over when my family does. So I told her what her son was doing to me. I don't know what she did but I never saw him around after that.

Happened again when I was 9. A family friend resurfaced. His name was Paul. Says he knew my family since he was young, went to high school with my mom, aunts and uncle. All that good stuff. He use to come over almost every day with his wife and son. I don't remember how it started but a kiss on the cheek 'hello' turned into him giving me kisses on the mouth. Or walking into the bathroom while I'm bathing, fingering me or playing with my t*ts. It went on for months like that. Again, I told my mom. She told me "don't wear short things around the house when he comes by," or "go to your room when he's here."
I don't know whether my mom told Paul what I said or if he felt like since he can get away with just touching, he can get away with more. He raped me. I lost my virginity at 9. At the time, I didn't know much on sex. In school, I saw the other kids kiss and shyt but no one mentioned anymore than that. My mom, till this day, swore up and down I had my period when I keep telling her that wasn't what it was. I had my first menstrual at 12. That's a 3 year difference.
So instead of telling my mom this time, I told his wife. It's one of those things where I don't know what happened to him because he stopped coming around after I told.
What I do know is my mom was sleeping with him. Do you know how infuriating, how disgusted I felt to know she was sleeping not only with a married man who she plays buddy-buddy with his wife but to know she was sleeping with a man that she allows to molest and eventually rape her daughter?
My mom is one of those people who can't think without a man. A man is what defines her and what makes her more of a woman. People like her doesn't deserve kids. So, eventually, she found out what I did (telling his wife) she beat the living fukk outta me and blamed me for her not having a man. Said I'm out to sabotage her relationships. Even said I fukked the boys in the apartment building that I played football with & turned around and pinned it on Paul because I never liked him.
What made it worse is that's what my mom told my family. No one wanted to accept my side of the story on it. Everyone kept their distance. I felt alone in all this. I always thought I'd get over that shyt but at 21, I don't see it happening.
I was told it was my fault because I thought I was grown, my fault for showing off my growing titts, ass and curves. My fault for not knowing how to divert the attention of an older man.

Damn that's terrible to hear, but I'm glad its to a point you can talk about this type of stuff. Huge burden to bare that had to have been, especially from the frustration of having your mother not believe you.

My mother and grandmother have a strained relationship cause of some similar bullshyt her ex husband use to do to both my mom and her sisters. Didn't help he was smacking up on my grandmother and was a heavy drunk. She still talks on the phone with him from time to time, but she tries to not let me or any of the other male members of the family know, cause she already know a lot of that shyt would have been repaid if we were born and around then. shyt if I see him now, can't guarantee I wouldn't smack the shyt outta him, even being an old 80 year old man.

 

[GoGetMyDamnBelt_]

Damn that's terrible to hear, but I'm glad its to a point you can talk about this type of stuff. Huge burden to bare that had to have been, especially from the frustration of having your mother not believe you.

My mother and grandmother have a strained relationship cause of some similar bullshyt her ex husband use to do to both my mom and her sisters. Didn't help he was smacking up on my grandmother and was a heavy drunk. She still talks on the phone with him from time to time, but she tries to not let me or any of the other male members of the family know, cause she already know a lot of that shyt would have been repaid if we were born and around then. shyt if I see him now, can't guarantee I wouldn't smack the shyt outta him, even being an old 80 year old man.

Same with me and my mom. If you ever overhear me and her on the phone you would think we're the best of friends but it's all like a front. I know I'm still holding a grudge against her and a few months ago I tried to get her to talk she told me "let go and let God." Like, she totally just dismissed me. It's to the point, I don't even hate her but I don't love her neither. And it saddens me alot that I have feelings like that for her but.. I don't know. It is what it is.

 

[Ashley Banks]

Another thing that is a touchy topic for some is that there are males in our community that believe that a rapist is a man who jumps on a woman and forces her to have sex.

Great post. This though. I think a lot of people think this. I was watching oitnb and one of he characters was raped twice but she didn't think she was because they didn't jump on her and beat her half to death, she just says "she wasn't ready" and one of the girls in prison with her had to tell her that she was raped. Not all people that are raped fight their rapist back some freeze up and just let it happen, so the rapist doesn't have to hit them.

 

[Tenchi Ryu]

Same with me and my mom. If you ever overhear me and her on the phone you would think we're the best of friends but it's all like a front. I know I'm still holding a grudge against her and a few months ago I tried to get her to talk she told me "let go and let God." Like, she totally just dismissed me. It's to the point, I don't even hate her but I don't love her neither. And it saddens me alot that I have feelings like that for her but.. I don't know. It is what it is.

Well at 58 and 88, nothing has changed between my mother and grandmother after all these years, and reading your post almost sound like my mother talking. It's just one of those things that when one party isn't willing to finally tackle it, it just won't get resolved, and at this point my mother is just expecting my grandmother to take it to her deathbed, when just a simple apology that would mean everything would be enough.

It is what it is sometimes.

 

[Chelsea Bridge]

Same with me and my mom. If you ever overhear me and her on the phone you would think we're the best of friends but it's all like a front. I know I'm still holding a grudge against her and a few months ago I tried to get her to talk she told me "let go and let God." Like, she totally just dismissed me. It's to the point, I don't even hate her but I don't love her neither. And it saddens me alot that I have feelings like that for her but.. I don't know. It is what it is.

How is your relationship with your brother? Do you guys ever talk about what happened? Does he know about the other times it happened to you?

 

[Chelsea Bridge]

This is so true. I think that there are so many reasons behind why people do not tell. I was watching a short mini documentary about pedophilia. The pedophiles went to Thailand/Taiwan (I know it was in Asia). Do little girls were as young as 7 years old asking the grown men if they want pop pop( a blow job). A lot of young children are groomed into thinking that it is ok. The predator may give them treats, or try to become their friend. There needs to be a lot of sex education for young children, because there are people preying on them


I think it was this video....It starts around 3:50

I don't think I can watch the video but you're absolutely right. There needs to more education on sexual abuse and children need to know what to look for. It's sad that they have to be taught about such behavior because it robs them of their innocence but it's extremely important that they are made aware of what could happen at the hands of an adult.

It's crazy for me now. Ever since I learned about what has happened to other children including those in my family I don't trust anyone around my nieces and nephews or even my little brother. It's so easy for people to disguise their sickness and that makes it impossible to know who is capable of hurting a child.

I feel like if I ever become a mother I would be wayyy too overprotective.

 

[bcrusaderw]

@Spotlessmind @MarsPunka feature? Thanks.