A compromise has to be struck. Part of growing up as a woman and understanding masculine energy is understanding that men may not necessarily communicate in the same way as a woman. It seems frustrating to us at first but if u love and accept and understand men it becomes less of an issue b/c they communicate through their actions which is preferable to me.
I'm not saying words aren't important or that a man shouldn't work to communicate with words more b/c that's important. But God forbid a chick overlook the actions of a man who loves her and what they say in favor of some useless mouthpiece.
All that having been said, I give men the same advice I give to women (b/c we aren't as good as communicating as we think we are despite having all the words in the world.)
1.) Don't use conversation to manipulate or prevaricate. Conversation with ur girl should be as genuine as it is with your homies. Oftentimes we complain to others and vent to others what we should be actually saying to our s/o. Be respectful, loving and honest.
2.) Be fearless. Sometimes we don't communicate because we're afraid of losing the person. Or looking weird or undesirable. Or offending the person. Or any other reason that holds us back. The answer is to put even those fears into words. Speaking a fear often eliminates it. That's the power of words. Verbal acknowledgement means the fear has no unspoken place to hide.
3.) Don't fool urself. Ur partner should be a haven for you. If u are plagued with incessant doubt about communicating with ur mate then there is some shyt ya'll need to fix. U should feel more comfortable or at least as comfortable talking to her as you do to anybody else in the world.
Hmm this is great advice, thank you!
1) This is probably one of my biggest issues.. When a guy is talking to his friends, the convo is the convo, period. There is little subtext, there is even less ulterior means and motive. The point of the conversation is not to grow a deeper connection, the point is convey a point/idea/feeling/information and keep it moving. The connection growth is natural.
Now with women, every conversation has to have a meaning. I hate this tbh. I can't just be like... "I heard the craziest thing today" and then we talk about it for 5 minutes and i'm like "aight i'll talk to you later."
Nope, doesn't work. Most women i've dated would be like... "thats all you wanted to talk to me about?" Basically saying that the conversation did not hold enough depth to warrant even initiating. As if she has become someone that I need to prepare a beginning middle and end before I even talk to her.
And when this mindset creeps in, it makes me less likely to even communicate because communication takes too much energy. I don't want every convo to involve an introspective look at ourselves and our relationship... sometimes I just wanna tell you some shyt
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2) I think that's great advice, but that's not a problem I have. I don't posture up myself for other people. If anything I overshare.
3) For me this links back into number 1. I tend to not see conversation as a haven with the women I have dated because it just becomes too much. Its not that they are going to judge me or mistreat me based on how to conversation goes. I feel as though I can hold a conversation on most subjects, from trivial to deeply emotional.
My problem comes when our conversations have to reach a minimum impact/meaning threshold. I have best friends who I call up and have a 5 minute conversation about a new album and its fine. That conversation has served its purpose. I can't have that same, sporadic type of conversation with a woman i'm dating. She'll be llike... "dont treat me like one of your friends"
And the odd thing is, if she did that to me I would completely okay. and if I had something to add, I would add it. But if there's nothing to add, we should end the convo, not go deeper if unneeded
Please advise so I can become better
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