It’s pretty normal to have thoughts like that around the time you’re in your 30s. What matters is how you respond to it
Some folks dwell on it as you seem to be doing. Others are “content” with it and find peace. Others challenge themselves to keep improving and changing their situations.
At the end of the day, as has been said before, this is YOUR life. So you get out of it what you want to while you’re still able to live it. Traveling is probably the single best recommendation I can make to reignite a spark, as being able to go more places and do more things excites the parts of our brain that craves adventure and unique experiences. Not to mention the social aspect
Though if you find yourself sinking even deeper, might be time to explore therapy
traveling is just another way to distract from this major problem... Tolstoy called this "licking the honey"..
The story begins with the Eastern fable of the dragon in the well. A man is chased by a beast into a well, at the bottom of which is a dragon. The man clings to a branch that is being gnawed on by two mice (one black, one white, representing night and day and the relentless march of time). The man is able to lick two drops of honey (representing Tolstoy's love of his family and his writing), but because death is inevitable, he no longer finds the honey sweet.
Tolstoy goes on to describe four possible attitudes towards this dilemma. The first is ignorance. If one is oblivious to the fact that death is approaching, life becomes bearable. The problem with this for him personally is that he is not ignorant. Having become conscious of the reality of death, there is no going back.
The second possibility is what Tolstoy describes as Epicureanism. Being fully aware that life is ephemeral, one can enjoy the time one has. Tolstoy's problem with this is essentially moral. He states that Epicureanism may work fine and well for the minority who can afford to live "the good life," but one would have to be morally empty to be able to ignore the fact that the vast majority of people do not have access to the wealth necessary to live this kind of life.
Tolstoy next states that the most intellectually honest response to the situation would be suicide. In the face of the inevitability of death and assuming that God does not exist, why wait? Why pretend that this vale of tears means anything when one can just cut to the chase? For himself, however, Tolstoy writes that he is “too cowardly” to follow through on this most “logically consistent” response.
Finally, Tolstoy says that the fourth option, the one he is taking, is the one of just holding on; living “despite the absurdity of it,” because he is not willing “or able” to do anything else. So it seems “utterly hopeless” - at least “without God”...
