Is running away an option for my cousin? EDIT *Talked to my cousin to wait a little while longer*

[agnosticlady]

It's a black immigrant thing. My family is Ghanaian. Education is important, but so is the man of the household's status and control over everyone in his family, whether or not he is right or wrong. It's a real problem.

Being Nigerian myself, I definitely understand that....

 

[ZoeGod]

Coming from an immigrant family I the struggle breh.
Real talk tho tell your cousin to confront his dad like a man and be prepared for the consequences, which at this point don't seem as bad as the consequences tbh. What's his dad gon do, kick him out and disown him? Mission accomplished!
@24 I don't think it can be called "running away" tho, maybe time for him to finally move out.
If he already got his bachelors degree why move back home if he knew shyt was gon be like this?

TBH your uncle sounds mad insecure and controlling. At 24 he should be treating his son like a man and plotting how to come up as a family, not controlling him like an adolescent. Why's he worried about his mom and lil bro? Does his dad have a history of beating on em and your cousin is the one who regulates, or does he think the dad will take it out on them if he leaves?

He feels his pops will take it out on them cuz he has a very bad temper and mad emotional. He got his bachelors in public health this past may.

 

[agnosticlady]

He feels his pops will take it out on them cuz he has a very bad temper and mad emotional. He got his bachelors in public health this past may.

Honestly, he has to live for himself. He should tell his mom to leave if the father shows signs of abusive. If she chooses not to then she is to blame. There is NOTHING he can do. He does not want to be 40+ regretting not taking advantage of life because of his father. He is emasculating his son. My father tried that mess with my brother and my brother said deuces.

 

[DreadBrown]

there's a limit to that though
you still have to raise a kid to be mentally ready for the real world

OPs cousin does not sound like he's capable of functioning on his own at 24, that's not a good sign

I know indians who stayed at home till their late 20's with curfews and shyt. When they move out its into home ownership and financial stability.

We prepared for the real world when we get kicked out at 18 but its real hard out there bro

 

[ZoeGod]

@ZoeGod believe me when I say this. Your father does not want him gaining his own money, because it means the end of his control and the beginning of his sons independence. Money = independence to a large extent. Make sure he get's direct deposit.

Yeah he told me the same thing. At first i told him that is crazy. But now i think about it he is right. I dont know why a father be like that. My pops pushed us to find a job. He was big on us to earn our own money. Its crazy my pops and uncle are brothers but are so different.

 

[Verbal Kint]

At some point a man has to be a man and make moves. If he's so worried about pops abusing his fam he can threaten him or check in on them or something.

 

[agnosticlady]

I know indians who stayed at home till their late 20's with curfews and shyt. When they move out its into home ownership and financial stability.

We prepared for the real world when we get kicked out at 18 but its real hard out there bro

Sorry, but after 18 I find that highly disrespectful. Most parents do that to assert a certain level of control. Now I understand if their children are buck wild and crazy coming in breaking stuff. At the same time most should just talk to their children and let them now what they expect and will not tolerate. That whole coming in at 11OM at 22 is whack. i would have bounced and rented an efficiency somewhere.

 

[Pier7]

I got young west indian family up north in NY. and the answer is NAH. You are pushing him in the wrong direction. Let him stay with his pops, until he is able to secure himself in a proper direction financially. Also I dont know if ya come from money, but with no job, and no assistance from pops, how exactly is he gonna afford the dough for a MASTERS?


The number 1 goal on his hit list right now should be getting a job. Jumping out the roof in a place like NYC when you are a 24 year old with no income coming in or work experience is a recipe for disaster.

In a month or two's time He gon be walking right back into Big Poppa house with his held down and his dad like "Welcome back home son"

 

[hoodheronova]

Edit: I feel bad for ya cuz bro

 

[agnosticlady]

I got young west indian family up north in NY. and the answer is NAH. You are pushing him in the wrong direction. Let him stay with his pops, until he is able to secure himself in a proper direction financially. Also I dont know if ya come from money, but with no job, and no assistance from pops, how exactly is he gonna afford the dough for a MASTERS?


The number 1 goal on his hit list right now should be getting a job. Jumping out the roof in a place like NYC when you are a 24 year old with no income coming in or work experience is a recipe for disaster.

In a month or two's time He gon be walking right back into Poppa house with his held down and his dad like

Yup, that's the last thing he wants. He needs to secure a job right then and there. Forget about getting women and all that other stuff. Seriously that is sooo pointless for him where he is. He needs to focus on building something for himself.

 

[25YOUTHS!!]

He feels his pops will take it out on them cuz he has a very bad temper and mad emotional. He got his bachelors in public health this past may.

Dayum how old is his lil bro?
Seems like pops is just trying to maintain control at all costs.
A real dad should be taking pride in making his son into a self-sufficient man, not trying to cripple him in order to maintain control.
Your cousin needs to confront him like a man, even if that means it comes to blows
...But not before he's financially and mentally/emotionally ready to venture out on his own b/c too much dependency is crippling. I know some Indians in my class (grad school) that don't even know how to do their own laundry

 

[YBM]

I'm a zoe so I know exactly what u mean. My parents were super strict with me n my siblings. Your cuz is an adult now so he can voice his opinions more, the only thing is that do it respectfully.......u should also realize that even tho they are strict, they are looking out for his best interest even if it doesn't seem like it

 

[DreadBrown]

Coming from an immigrant family I the struggle breh.
Real talk tho tell your cousin to confront his dad like a man and be prepared for the consequences, which at this point don't seem as bad as the consequences tbh. What's his dad gon do, kick him out and disown him? Mission accomplished!
@24 I don't think it can be called "running away" tho, maybe time for him to finally move out.
If he already got his bachelors degree why move back home if he knew shyt was gon be like this?

TBH your uncle sounds mad insecure and controlling. At 24 he should be treating his son like a man and plotting how to come up as a family, not controlling him like an adolescent. Why's he worried about his mom and lil bro? Does his dad have a history of beating on em and your cousin is the one who regulates, or does he think the dad will take it out on them if he leaves?

For real the bolded is the first step, you cant expect to be treat like a man if he can't approach his father like one. It's one of the hardest things to do and his dad still wont respect him until he actually follows through.

 

[DreadBrown]

The way i see things his pops has his best intentions at heart but is very scared of what the outside world holds for his sons. But this is way too extreme. My pops was strict but he learned to get less strict as i got older. I worked since i was 17 and at least have a social life. At least i have a drivers license and work experience. And i have had broads(although this winter my roster fell off ). He is a 24 yea r old virgin that never kissed a broad nor work experience. That is way too extreme. I am for tough love but damn that is crazy extreme.

his masters will make up for the lack of work experience. I don't want to judge your cousin but I think in a few years all this shyt was in his best interests.

 

[agnosticlady]

I'm a zoe so I know exactly what u mean. My parents were super strict with me n my siblings. Your cuz is an adult now so he can voice his opinions more, the only thing is that do it respectfully.......u should also realize that even tho they are strict, they are looking out for his best interest even if it doesn't seem like it

I agree and disagree......Some parents literally do not have their child's best interest at heart, but instead the parents interest no matter how damaging it is to the child.