This gon be a long read but feel thats it needed and To add I've not edited it but its so synonymous to you brehs issues.
women, being the more socially oriented of men and women, don't want to be alone.. to a degree that men don't experience
what that means is they will do things to not be alone that men typically wouldn't do
this is why we don't understand some of their behavior.. because we wouldn't operate that way.. sometimes women are just bent on not being alone and so they show up in front of us.. but their heart is somewhere else
i'll try to dig in a little more though, here are some specific reasons u may find that women show up but don't SHOW UP
1. like op said, she's still thinking about her ex aka you're not really a priority you're a rebound.. you're a backup plan at best
you're a rebound keeping her from hitting rock bottom emotionally.. you're a distraction from some guy she probably just refuses to apologize to or something.. or maybe some guy she really likes who likes someone else
who knows the situation? but yeah, rebound.. this is when a man is unaware that he's an emotional tampon (he could be aware and put up with it too tho, in which case he'd be a simp, or a guy with nothing else going on)
2. she has lost the ability to pair bond.. this happens to women who have given out the box too many times to too many people.. they say oxytocin is the bonding hormone.. its like emotional glue.. women have it when they nurse their babies and during intimacy.. the issue is- they say its like a band-aid, when u put a band-aid on the first time it sticks.. but if u rip it off and try to re-apply it somewhere else, its less sticky
women are all in on their first guy.. but are they all in on guy 23?
she gave guy #1 her whole heart.. guy #4 got a piece of her heart.. guy #8 got crumbs.. let this continue until one day she just doesn't care whether you're coming or going.. that's fine for guys who only want sex.. but someone like OP who is looking for someone he can "invest" in, aka have a long term relationship and possibly a family with- doesn't want that woman, because the ability to bond is important for a lasting relationship and/or a family.
3. she thinks you're unattractive.. which could be due to just how u look, or maybe she thinks ur overweight, or maybe she thinks you're too short, she can't show u off to her friends etc
4. u provide a benefit to them and they just want the benefit.. a common one is the foodie call.. but it can be a lot of things.. she can just flat out use u for dates.. she can look at you like "free food at a nice restaurant," "im bored and this is an opportunity to get dressed up and get out the house," "he's taking me to a concert," "i'll have a story to tell my girlfriends when i get back and i'll look cool," "i can take pictures in his nice car and post them on social media" etc.
i recommend all men take inventory of the benefits they provide because some women only want the benefits.. some benefits are not obvious though.. like for example.. when i look back on one of my exes.. i think i validated her.. all her other guys seemed to just want one thing.. but if a woman is just sex to a man, then she experiences no real validation after a while.. my presence in her life validated her.. like for example i sent her flowers to her job.. i didn't know it at the time, but later she told me when she got it, she walked out the office and cried in the car... my point is.. i didn't know i was giving her such a huge benefit.. but men should be aware of the benefits they provide because if a woman isn't acting right- but she still doesn't leave: MOST LIKELY ITS BECAUSE OF THE BENEFITS
op to some extent is experiencing that.. she isn't really 100% acting right.. something is missing.. but she's still around.. why? she likely values what he brings to her life more than she values him as a person
people do this with God also.. ask God for a house, God blesses them with a house, then they forget about God
5. and here's the big one.. dual mating strategy.. in the manosphere its called alpha seed, beta need.. or alpha f***s, beta bucks
basically she has some guy who won't commit to her who blows her back out.. but she lets the chivalrous guy take her on dates and buy her flowers, etc
this happened to me years back when i kept asking a girl to go out with me... i didn't understand why we seemed to have a connection but there seemed to be a wall between us.. i understood tho when she turned up pregnant at work one day
and someone could say "well yeah, yall weren't together so why is that surprising?" the reason is because these are the same women who swear up and down that they're single.. these women will have sex with someone literally every single night and tell you they're single
pretty much any woman describing a relationship with things like "situationship" or "its complicated" is living this way
u see a woman at work and ur like "hey are u in a relationship?" she will say no.. but women aren't counting their friends with benefits, their netflix and chill, or their "no strings attached".. so its very misleading
an unsuspecting guy will be like "ok she's single bet, im bout to see if she wants to come to this concert"
and voila its dual mating strategy.. she got the one guy in the cut, and the guy who tries to win her over.. and when she goes out with that guy to the concert he is going to come away from it feeling that something is missing
the reason is because i can make u your favorite meal but u won't want it if you already ate.. she has no room for him.. in other words, what the date-man offers is not appreciated because the sex-man in the background is where her heart, mind, and emotions are
these days u almost gotta be like "hey so are u single?" she says yes and you gotta follow up with "do you have a friend with benefits?"
even one of my female friends.. i hit her up one day and i was like "hey do u have a boyfriend?" she was like "no but i have a sex partner"
she told me that because i've known her for over 15 years.. but if i was a new guy wanting to holler at her, she would've just said "no" and then allowed the man to play himself trying to wine and dine someone who is getting their box hulk smashed daily
the last thing i want to say is the feeling of being with a woman who is there, but not THERE is one of the worst feelings in my opinion
once u know whats going on then u can just leave her and keep it moving with your life
but if you don't know what's going on- you could make a huge mistake and actually RAMP UP your efforts to try and get her to like u the way u like her, which would technically just be rewarding bad behavior
that feeling is intangible but u know its there.. its like op said "something is missing" or like she has a wall up, or like u two never grow in emotional intimacy or anything
i was with a woman 5 years and sometimes we would grow as a couple.. like a video game going from level 1 to 2 to 3, etc.. it was a healthy situation
conversely, i was with a toxic woman at one time also, and it felt like we just stayed at level 1 and never advanced.. even though she pretended like she wanted things to move forward, it never went anywhere
its one of the worst feelings and that's why i said what i said to op cuz i don't want him to have to go through that.. u put in all this effort and u get this dull, empty, hollow feeling in return.. horrible
i say just leave today.. it seems to me that the best way to deal with bad women is to just not deal with them
