When I was a kid one of my friends (Jay) lived down the street. He was a cool cac. If he was outside we would ride bikes or skateboard or other kid shyt.
Welllllll. Frequently his cousin (Shelly) who lived in the next town over would visit. She was about two years older than us. At this time me and the cac had to be 8 and she was 10/11. When she would come over she was always friendly & talked her girl shyt but was not overly annoying.
One day she came over to visit and me and Jay was bragging about our dads.
Jay - "My dad is a Hundredaire"
Me dumfounded - "What is a Hundredaire???"
Jay replied smugly- "Every time I look in his wallet he has a 100 bill in there. If he had a million he would be a millionaire."
I could do nothing but marvel at his logic at 8 years old. I was also mad that he seemingly one upped me.
This simply will not do. I had just beat him three times in a row in racing to the end of the driveway. This was his redemption.
Before he could rub it in I decided to buy some time by deflecting.
I turned to his cousin who just walked up and said how rich is your dad??
Shelly looked momentarily confused.
Like it never really occurred to her. I took that time to dive in because my only intent was to drag the convo there so Jay could not ask me specifically how much money my dad has in his wallet. The reason I did not want him to do that was because I truly had no idea. No way I was looking in my dads wallet. I could lie but knowing Jay he would ask my brother. He would lie for me but my sister would NOT. She would c00n in a heartbeat and tell Jay I was lying.
So my only play was to run down this rabbit hole.
Shelly was stammering and looking thoughtful. I cut her off and stated matter of factly that I never heard you talk about your dad before. Is he the man who drops you off all the time?
Shelly - No that is my grandfather.
Jay - Yeah that is our grandfather. Our mothers are sisters. He is my moms dad.
Me -
Are you SURRREE?? Yall look exactly alike. Matter of fact he looks like he could be your dad I said.
Jay kept trying to steer the convo back to how much money my dad has and I smoothly kept my foot on Shelly's neck, I kept asking about her real dad and kept stating that she looked just like her grandfather ( which she did coincidentally ). Eventually even Jay had to admit he never heard about her real dad and by the end of my 5 minute rambling horseshyt even Jay was questioning if his grandfather was her real dad.
The whole time Shelly was just standing there looking perplexed as fukk.
I was peppering her with mad questions about her pops and she had NO answers. By the time they left I was thoroughly satisfied that I had avoided the verbal L to Jay and went home and slept well that night.
I guess after they went back to Jay's house Shelly and Jay made a big stink about who her dad was. Not sure how it all came out but. . .The Grandfather had slept with his own fukking daughter and Shelly was his granddaughter/ daughter.
The way Jay told me later was that he and his cousin were just trying to get to the bottom of things. They kept asking his mom and I guess she got emotional and it came out. When she blurted it out her husband had just came home and heard it and was
He started then asking if her father molested her too and she said yeah.
He then went nuclear and drove over to the grandfathers house and kicked his ass and he got locked up for a few days.
After he told me all of that I slowly digested it. .. . Tasted the fukkery and foolishness in the air. I then turned to my friend and said my dad has never been to jail.
He is better than your dad.
Jay was
By the 8 year old rules he had to eat that L.