I can't joke because I was on a downward spiral as heads knew around these parts. Still struggle with the aftereffects of a struggle and so forth, so all I have to say about this thread and OP to find peace in your season.
I'm not going to give the cliche answers to the problems, but vices influence your stance on not moving forward. Ills like alcohol, drugs, and etc tends to devalue self worth and demote your spirits.
In this case, you lost your gig because of the effects of the bottle, along with the feelings that are personal to you. Trust, we are all enduring hell and back, but the important thing is accepting that you need the support and help. As much as folks shyt on the idea of airing grievances online, it's a step in the right direction.
So just please realize that we got your back, that you are going to make it, and that you got to see this thing through with all of your might. I know like half of The Coli is atheists, but as a spiritual soul, we faced that divine moment of Job.
It's all a test and once you come out of it, you will be stronger and realize your self worth, the values that surrounds you, and gain better understanding of life.
You will make it breh..