Getting a Divorce Brehs...

[RiffRaff]

You got nikkas out here going through divorce after the wife ran through 10 guys in their marriage, the kid ain't even his, and she still taking half. And this nikka gets a divorce because his wife wanted to check him (understandably so) on taking a $12.50/hr job at BestBuy.....

thecoli.com

 

[Rawtid]

I hear ya..

But you haven't mentioned children ONE time in your scenarios..That changes almost everything..On so many levels I can't even begin to explain


And as far as your last statement.. Stuff goes HORRIBLY WRONG all the time in life..It's actually more of a rule than an exception..

I agree you should be able to build together with a good partner.. But that can't be the goal or expectation...Because honestly, I feel I can grind harder without the "distraction" of wife and family.. I've had to sacrifice...

I mentioned people having more children when they can't afford the ones they have. I really don't think one child sets a couple back all that much unless they were already fukked up in the first place but having two or more when you were already struggling is just a bad move and that's something that can be controlled.

Why are you with a partner if the goal/expectation is not to grow both emotionally and financially? Like what's the point you may as well be by yourself.

I feel that a couple SHOULD grind in the earlier years of their marriage. If that means you both working two jobs and not seeing each other as much that's fine. Get stable financially so that WHEN life happens, you can focus on the issue at hand and not how you're going to feed your family AND deal with this issue.

 

[Guess Who]

@Ziggly

I haven't gotten through the whole thread yet (page 13), but I'll offer my opinion from what I've gathered so far. I say all this being a type A, sensitive, hard-working, underdog, prove-the-world-wrong personality like yourself.

I don't think you've fallen out of love with her. I think that right now you are very angry and resentful and I don't think you've effectively communicated with her about your feelings. This is not something you divorce your wife and friend of 12 years over. The ether will burn harshly when you walk away and realize you walked away from the most loyal friend in your life. She may not always agree with your decisions but damn, the woman was still there. So while you may feel angry that she didn't respond to your dreams and passions in a way that you would like, she has the right to her opinion just as you have the right to yours. She may have questioned your decision, and done it in a way that wasn't exactly smooth, but in the end she stayed by your side. And she said she was proud, which you can look at as her maybe finally realizing the kind of amazingly hard worker you are. Maybe she wasn't all in with you at first, but she is now--you gotta appreciate that. What you did in six months is RARE, so you can't fault her for not believing that you fit into the 1% that can actually achieve on that level. The world has taught her differently and that is the lens she is operating through--she is actually being realistic. Yeah, you're different, but sometimes you gotta show people that first before they believe it. Can't hate them for that.

And I can understand why you may feel resentful that she didn't notice your drive before, but she does now. Don't hold that against her. You two need to communicate and you have to be real with each other. It's okay to have your feelings hurt man and to be a sensitive person, but you gotta be able to communicate with your wife how you feel when she upsets you and also be able to step back and see that she didn't intend to make you feel that way, she just doesn't know how to relate her concerns over your career decisions in a smoother way.

This marriage isn't over. You're not out of love with her. You're angry, which is blunting the real feelings that are still there, that you still have for her. You may be angry and resentful, but you still love her breh--just you being hurt and angry doesn't allow yourself to feel the tingles right now, the oxytocin.

Real love doesn't die that fast. Talk to her calmly about how what she said made you feel, and work it out.

That's your friend of TWELVE YEARS who has seen you go through ups and downs and stayed with you no matter what. That's REAL support, no matter how you wanna slice it. You won't find many people like that in your life. Please take this advice from a breh who left a terrific woman because I wasn't able to understand my feelings and communicate them. I've regretted that decision for over three years and think about it literally everyday.

Don't leave her, work it out.

 

[RiffRaff]

On a serious note obviously there are some underlying issues here that OP isn't telling us. I think he just ain't like ol girl anymore, some new tail giving him play with his increased salary, and needed an excuse to cut that string.

 

[Rarely-Wrong Liggins]

I swear nikkas on the Coli only post for daps. How many threads or thread derailments have happened because brehs shyt on marriage? Then when a dude is like fukk it, this ain't for me you want to shyt on him for it? Sometimes I just don't understand you all. I know for a fact the women on here would be "Go girl!" if a woman decided to leave her man for not supporting a career decision. "Girl, he don't need you if he can't respect your hustle."

 

[CouldntBeMeTho]

Best Buy has not closed ANY stores whatsoever. All of you throwing shade at the job itself could at the very LEAST quote something accurate

And scared of her earning potential? That's almost comical...mom the one who supported her efforts to go to law school. Paid for her LSAT classes and books, the thought of her earning potential never crosse my mind as a negative....


And some of you are completely failing to see the deeper point. Divorcing her because she hurt my feelings? Absolutely not. Divorcing her because she proved with ONE comment that after almost ten years of knowing me, my personality, my drive, ambition, and commitment to success that she was ready to shyt on my goals and aspirations? In a fukking heartbeat.

The people closest to you should NEVER doubt certain things about you. Internet posters making jokes on a forum is one thing. We all crack on each other, troll each other, and such every day. We will never meet nor interact outside of this virtual canvas. However the actual PEOPLE in my life know how hard I work and how much I am willing to sacrifice for a goal. She witnessed it first hand for years before we were married. My entire adult life from the age of 19 until today has been dedicated to forging a future that I could look back and be proud of. I am PROUD of the work I put into Best Buy. That might mean little to all of you from the outside in, but it had better DAMN sure mean something to her, the woman I married, the woman supposedly CLOSEST to me.

I absolutely REFUSE to allow an individual to doubt me in such a disrespectful manner as to suggest I'll be 35 years old making 12.50. It is the equivalent of telling me that I haven't proved nor stood for a goddamn thing in the all the years you've known me.

http://www.cnet.com/news/best-buy-releases-list-of-stores-to-close-this-year/

Best Buy releases list of stores to close this year
Pummeled by e-commerce giant Amazon, the big-box retailer said last month that it would shut down 50 stores in the U.S. this year. Here's the list.


so she's not allowed to doubt you? do you know how ridiculous that sounds. instead of losing your cool, you could've calmly explained to her your plan, and how much you love working there. you're going way over the top with your reaction breh.

 

[mcdivit85]

I always judge advice by intent, not delivery as some of the best advice won't be said 'nicely'.

Well said. This is especially true with other men. Dudes tend to just tell you what it is and let you handle your feelings how you handle them.

At least women try to be nicer about it. I mean his wife was/is begging him to give her chance at making i right. She knows she could've said it better and she wants to make it right.

Some of your homies will crush your dream of being the next WWE superstar and give you the ...on some "deal with it" sh#t...but they mean well.

Peace

 

[Poitier]

I swear nikkas on the Coli only post for daps. How many threads or thread derailments have happened because brehs shyt on marriage? Then when a dude is like fukk it, this ain't for me you want to shyt on him for it? Sometimes I just don't understand you all. I know for a fact the women on here would be "Go girl!" if a woman decided to leave her man for not supporting a career decision. "Girl, he don't need you if he can't respect your hustle."

The "Get Married Breh movement" is about WOMEN initiating divorce.

If women initiate 90% of divorces but he is doing that as a man, what does that say about him?

 

[Rarely-Wrong Liggins]

The only expectation you should have is that yall will always have each other's backs..

Oh really?

 

[Mowgli]

I wish I would have read the other story about him working at best buy to support her dream or whatever. It makes more sense now wanting to divorce her for not supporting that dream...again. I thought ol boy straight up went to the Army and came out desiring to be a best buy manager. I felt that was kind of "off". At the same time I still see the wife's concern. Like we are building a future and you want to take your career back to where you were WHILE we were getting on our feet. That's a backwards hustle for sure.

But is that why you got married. They got married before all that. She's probably just a failed gold digger that took her frustration out on her husband. Sometimes you have to realize when you've peaked. We all won't make it to the top and not making it is no reason to divorce. Especially when you have adequate living standards

 

[Bboystyle]

i take it @Ziggiy there were no kids involved?

If so then


if not then

 

[Rarely-Wrong Liggins]

The "Get Married Breh movement" is about WOMEN initiating divorce.

If women initiate 90% of divorces but he is doing that as a man, what does that say about him?

The Get Married Breh movement is about not getting married at all. Dudes have had day long discussions on how "there are no benefits" to marriage with near unanimous co-signs so this thread comes as a surprise to me. People like that mob mentality here so maybe I'm not that surprised. But I mean, how much shyt do you want people to go through in their marriage? Should he wait until he's ready to kill the bytch or should he just cut his losses now?

 

[Poitier]

The Get Married Breh movement is about not getting married at all. :pacahaha: Dudes have had day long discussions on how "there are no benefits" to marriage with near unanimous co-signs so this thread comes as a surprise to me. People like that mob mentality here so maybe I'm not that surprised. But I mean, how much shyt do you want people to go through in their marriage? Should he wait until he's ready to kill the bytch or should he just cut his losses now?

 

[Rarely-Wrong Liggins]

BTW, I woke up to over 100 daps from this thread. A nikka thought he got exposed or demodded.

 

[OG Talk]

Oh really?

Thats my opinion..

And that's not superficial like telling me all my choices are golden.. But allowing me to make them and fail, and you not bail out on me on some "See n1gga I TOLD you!!" steez..