I'm getting older (40) and I've never had someone seriously close to me pass away. I was thinking, when someone close to you dies, do you as a person change? Or do you just keep their memory alive and move on with the life.
Does it change you mentally?
Does it makes you more cautious?
More mature?
Death does change you as a person. How it changes you is up to you. I'm 39. My father passed a few years ago and it didn't seem real. I felt a lot of confused emotions on the inside that eventually came out. Some in healthy ways, some in not so healthy ways. Therapy helped a ton. A great family helped too. However 2 things really helped me process grief better and opened a whole new world for me. One was the statement "we will never know life and death at the same time". For me it released this inherent fear many of us have over death related to ourselves and those close to us. Why drive yourself up a wall in this current life over what's on the other side of that door? Live in the NOW. It's literally the only moment that exist. The other thing that helped me was being out in nature much more. Hiking and going for walks everyday. Paying attention to the smell of trees, the way that animals exist, watching the seasons change. This cycle of life/death is the most natural thing yet we frame it as unnatural in our response to it. Our self awareness has crippled many of us to where we do not want to embrace the inevitable. When I began having this acceptance and embracing what nature is, the grief did not feel as heavy. I actually felt like I had a renewed since of life. Almost invincible. Life is not as serious as we make it, it is literally just being, so be present. Focus on what control you DO have, not the control you don't have.
I still tear up sometimes when I think about my Dad, but I just let it flow. I can feel his energy in so many ways where I know he is still here, just in a form I can't explain. The hurt is ever present, but much more subdued as it is a natural part of life. We are built to flourish even with it.
Check out the book, "The Nature Fix: Why Nature Makes Us Happier, Healthier, and More Creative" by Florence Williams. I listened to it as I went on walks and it helped frame how important our relationship with nature is.
Lastly, for me fukking with shrooms gave me a wider lense on life. Been reading about psychedelics too and amazed at how proper usage can really open up your mind to what life really is.
I feel like I may have rambled a bit but I hope this provides a solid perspective.
. It's a thought/event you will never face alone, all I know is that once it happens, I or whoever I love that experiences it will finally be at peace. Because this world can be hell and unforgiving.
