People never understand when its the mother. "Respect your moms" or "Why dont you fix y'alls relationship, you only get one mom." Im like, nah Im good, so they think its me smh.
This exactly how I feel.
I always thought I hated my mom but I now know I just dislike her as a person. The only kind of respect I have for her is for birthing me. I don't love her nor do I hate her.
Since I was 4 I been sexually abused. Molested by my cousin, she was 16. It went on till I was about 6. She use to do this sick shyt too where she had me and my older brother touch on eachother. He was 5 to my 4. We never spoke about it. We were scared of my cousin.
It picked back up from 8 on up by multiple men who somehow or way knew my mother. Those times, I told my mom but nothing was ever done. That's when I developed depression disorder. When I was 9 this one man, married man at that, that she was sleeping with was touching me. But it was different from the others. Unlike the others, he was doing it inside my clothes. Fingering, rubbing my developing breasts, kissing me on the mouth, walking in on me when i take my baths. Told my mom, she told me whenever he comes around to go to my room or don't wear short things around the house. I don't know if my mom said anything to him or not but one night he took it a step further.. lost my virginity to him at 9. This time, instead of telling my mom, I told his wife. He disappeared after that.
I was 12, her baby daddy touched me and she kicked me out and sent me to my grandmother until I was 14 where she moved to Orlando. I had no choice but to go. I've dealt with sexually abuse, plenty of physical and verbal. When it comes to communication, I shut down. If someone is worth it, I try.
I've had a nasty grudge against her. I moved out her place at 16 when i graduated HS. From then till now, she calls me almost everyday and ends the phone calls with "I love you." You know how awkward it is when I can't say it back?
My mother is a woman who thinks she can't live without a man, whether they be pedophiles or rapists. She's a conniving, compulsive, liar. She's a disappointment. She's a joke of a parent. I try to have minimal contact with her but leave it up to her to reach out anyways.
Worst part of it all, she in denial. That depression disorder didn't go away. Now I'm on pills for anxiety and my doctor want to try antidepressants next. I thought it would help if I just air out the years worth of tension with my mom and discuss it. She told me, "let go and let God." She totally dismissed everything I said, everything I opened up to her about. That shyt crushed me.
I'll never have a stable, healthy relationship with my mom. I've now come to accept that.
I see what your saying but some of yall need to holla at Dr.Phil for real...
