Deep down I think I hate my mom, anyone else feel this way?

[Yup]

I appreciate it. Hate to have to distance myself from them, but I require peace in my home.

A thread would be cool, but cultural norms don't lend themselves to a productive convo, unfortunately

Forget cultural norms when they hold a whole generation back. I have no patience for adults screwing over theit lives.

 

[Queen]

http://www.thecoli.com/posts/12326786/
This article says exactly that. I don't agree with the whole thing, but it makes some interesting points.

I stopped reading when I saw the author's name.

 

[bcrusaderw]

I stopped reading when I saw the author's name.

Understandable

 

[Kid McNamara]

you should talk to your mom. Let her know how you're feeling. You learn on the job as a parent and sometimes you don't make good decisions. If you got answers to some of the questions you have it may put you at peace. No need to walk around feeling some type of way about your mom.

Naw, there is nothing to discuss. She may have reasons, justifications, and excuses, but the damage has been done.

@The Illest

How you feel is unhealthy, not because it's your mother, not because she "raised" you, not because you owe her some sentimental based loyalty, or any of the other nonsense people try throwing around to guilt you into caring.

It's unhealthy because she still has an effect on your life, how you behave, and the decisions you make.

If someone is a negative, remove them from your life. You don't owe anyone your presence. If they are a drag on you, end the relationship as you would with anyone else. You may not cut your parents completely off, but you should not allow them to effect your life in any way.

In other words...

Your family doesn't matter. If they are a positive, keep them around, but if they are bringing you down, make the decision to keep them out of your life. Most importantly, don't allow yourself to be emotionally invested in them (which is what hate does).

Forget about hate, indifference is a better solution.

 

[Rawtid]

Naw, there is nothing to discuss. She may have reasons, justifications, and excuses, but the damage has been done.

@The Illest

How you feel is unhealthy, not because it's your mother, not because she "raised" you, not because you owe her some sentimental based loyalty, or any of the other nonsense people try throwing around to guilt you into caring.

It's unhealthy because she still has an effect on your life, how you behave, and the decisions you make.

If someone is a negative, remove them from your life. You don't owe anyone your presence. If they are a drag on you, end the relationship as you would anyone else. You may not cut your parents completely off, but you should not allow them to effect your life in any way. You don't need permission to hate your mother, or not wish to have her in your life. Just make the decision.

In other words...

Your family doesn't matter. If they are a positive, keep them around, but if they are bringing you down, make the decision to keep them out of your life. Most importantly, don't allow yourself to be emotionally invested in them.

How do you tell someone it's unhealthy how they are feeling but in the same breath discourage a conversation? Past mistakes are usually why people are mad with you, so no it's not too late. That convo is important. You don't just "man up" when you have ill thoughts about your mom.

I had a similar convo with my dad when I got older and it helped...tremendously.

 

[Kid McNamara]

she just a woman bruh she tried her best after 18 its up to you
everyone sees their parents faults when they get older
i seen a dude hate his single mom cuz he said she was a hoe especially single moms kids gon grow up and be angry
but as i sad man up her job is done regardless

Meaningless.

Some of the best words I've ever read:

The harsh truth. Most people have poor fathers and mothers due to our defunct society. Many of our family members are complete and utter losers. Why should you be forced to spend time with someone who is a net loss on your life? In fact I’d say my dad dying in front of my eyes was probably the best thing that happened to me. He was an alcoholic with nothing positive to say and no longer had the opportunity to give me his useless negative and pessimistic life advice. His favorite coffee mug said “Life’s a B**** and then you die”, yeah that’s true if you can’t control your own mindset. You’re a quitter and you deserve to fail.

If your family is bringing you up and helping you grow, then hold on to them tight, for most this is simply not true. Your family is a time suck. You can’t choose your family, but you can certainly choose how they influence you. You don’t need to completely axe people, they did raise you, but there is certainly no obligation to do as they wish throughout your entire life. If they are just dragging you down, cut the cord, this leads to point 3.

 

[Smokin Rider]

I love my momma, would die for my momma, bleed for my momma and kill for her

But.... she made a lot of bad choices that get me like

Thing is tho, nobody is perfect in this world so I accept the flaws and keep it movin.

 

[Kid McNamara]

How do you tell someone it's unhealthy how they are feeling but in the same breath discourage a conversation? Past mistakes are usually why people are mad with you, so no it's not too late. That convo is important. You don't just "man up" when you have ill thoughts about your mom.

I had a similar convo with my dad when I got older and it helped...tremendously.

It's unhealthy to allow someone to have that type of effect on your emotions, a conversation won't really help. My grandfather used to tell me that "apologies are meaningless." What he was saying is words are worthless. Actions and behavior, that's it. If someone puts in the work to change, then consider giving them another chance, but allowing them to explain why they screwed up and this and that, is meaningless.

I'm going to assume you're a girl and closure is important for you. Girlfriends always want me to search for my father, and reconcile with my mother...and all this. For them it's important, but I could care less.

 

[Rawtid]

It's unhealthy to allow someone to have that type of effect on your emotions, a conversation won't really help. My grandfather used to tell me that "apologies are meaningless." What he was saying is words are worthless. Actions and behavior, that's it. If someone puts in the work to change, then consider giving them another chance, but allowing them to explain why they screwed up and this and that, is meaningless.

I'm going to assume you're a girl and closure is important for you. Girlfriends always want me to search for my father, and reconcile with my mother...and all this. For them it's important, but I could care less.

Apologies are one thing and answers are another.

 

[Kid McNamara]

Apologies are one thing and answers are another.

"I wasn't there for you because..."

No matter, still weren't there when you were needed.

 

[OG_StankBrefs]

Mufukkas really gon sit up hea n act like dere ain't some real shytty mothas out chea? Really?


Just because a female has workin reproductive organs doesn't mean dey can be somebody's moms. Same goes for men and being fathers.

 

[Made Myself A Boss]

Its Like I secretly hate her for her shytty life choices amd their effects on me

Naw I feel you ..

I used to be a momma boy, and then around 8 years old my mom had her boyfriend (from South Carolina and 20 years older then her his was over 50 when they met) come live in our house, and then went off and married him in a court house without saying one word about to anybody... I found out like a year after him living there that they were married..

Since the day he moved in, and for the rest of my life she choose this nikka over me (I could tell you example after example).. And on top of that this dude was madd abusive to me..

And the kicker for me was when I was about 16 she shipped me 1000 miles always off to military boarding school in South Carolina, and never called me once or sent a care package (u have no idea how much abuse I sustained in this place, but it seriously changed me forever)

I don't know if I could ever her for that shyt.. In fact I honestly think about driving back home and murdering both there asses to this because of it. In all honestly jail time would be worth it..

And Im not crazy, because I understand nobody should talk about killing their mother... But if you only knew the things I knew, you'd understand.

 

[Rawtid]

"I wasn't there for you because..."

No matter, still weren't there when you were needed.

Get over yourself. People go through things and parents are no different. The "I don't want to hear it you SHOULD have" approach is lame. Understanding improves relationships. It's not about being right. It's about understanding. NO ONE should have ill will towards their mom.

 

[cyndaquil]

Get over yourself. People go through things and parents are no different. The "I don't want to hear it you SHOULD have" approach is lame. Understanding improves relationships. It's not about being right. It's about understanding. NO ONE should have ill will towards their mom.

But they do

 

[Richard Wright]

I feel that way about my pops. He's a scumbag so how can I not be? My mom is a saint though. It's tough to raise a man that's tough and ready for the world. I think my mom made me too ready though - I can't relate to the naivety of most other people my age.