Black Bachelorette Rachel Lindsay reveals she’s engaged (8/7/17 update: He's a cac)

DrBanneker

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Someone on Reddit summarized her dating history before going on the Bachelor which she detailed in her book. Basically she was chasing NFL players for 10 years hoping they would propose when they wouldn't even call her their GF and they had sidebabies on her. She was even financailly supporting a former player after he got cut. All this happened while she was in law school and working as an attorney.


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regarding her time with bachelor nation, readers know she barely mentions bryan and focuses more on the racism and backlash she faced in front of and behind the cameras.

however, you may not know about rachel's relationship history prior to getting on the show. see, rachel didn't know her worth at all.

she had a type: charming, tall Black male athletes.

before the bachelor, she was a successful attorney making six figures in dallas, with her own house and luxury car. she had a lovely family and had an active social life, often going out to comingle with friends.

the rachel we saw on camera who told demario to "get the fµck out" for the drama he brought to her season is far from who she was in her dating life.

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in the memoir, rachel details a years long relationship with a football player called rick. he was charming, talented, popular, and attractive. he was in the social and cultural milieu that rachel coveted. he never asked her to be his girlfriend and she fooled herself into believing she was his only girl (her characterization, not mine).

a year into their situationship with rick, he began badgering her to double-check birth control.

“My feminine intuition said, Girl, he had a pregnancy scare with someone else. Or an STD. Or both. And my infatuation said, You hush now.”

months later, a friend revealed that indeed, rick had had a baby with his ex-girlfriend. when rachel confronted him, he convinced her that it was while they were on a break - so rachel took him back:

“How could this dog keep this pregnancy from you became Wow, Rick cares for you so much, imagine how hard it was for him to not tell you the truth! He figured it’d be so much easier to keep it a secret and didn’t realize how problematic that was. Rick loves you so much he didn’t want to tell you the truth and hurt you.”

rick went to the nfl and rachel moved to wisconsin to attend law school at marquette - and she stayed with him! eventually, the mother of rick's baby calls rachel to confront her about whether she's sleeping with rick - and they get into an argument. rick had been lying to both women to prevent being put on child support.

at some point rachel reads a letter to rick, begging him to be her boyfriend - officially:

“I need to know if this is real and how you feel about me,” I sobbed as I read. “If you want me the same way I want you, can we just put a title on this? I have to know where this is going.” Rick sat emotionless. Then he did what he always had throughout our relationship through my graduating college, doing a summer internship with the NBA in NYC, and even starting law school in Wisconsin in 2008. Rick said he cared for me. Even that he loved me. But he refused to assure me that we were in a monogamous relationship, never mind had a future together.”

in 2009, rick ghosted rachel. she was shocked but eventually moved on. they ended up letting bygones by bygones after she ran into him at a club (lol). he apologized and admitted his own cowardice. and rachel readily forgave him.


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she moved on to an an insecure, possessive athlete named jeff. she dated him for two years. he was intensely jealous and forced rachel to end a friendship with a guy who was essentially like a brother to her.

“Jeff not only pressured me to call Isaiah and end our friendship, he insisted that I do it in front of him. We argued and argued until I grew exhausted and caved. I remember throwing up my hands and reaching for my phone, all the while thinking, Rachel, why are you doing this? This isn’t going to work. Instead of breaking off your friendship with Isaiah, you should be breaking up with Jeff!”

jeff would have emotional outbursts and accuse rachel of cheating at the drop of a hat. but she had decided that she would date him for the companionship until she completed law school. she'd rather be unhappy with him then unhappy alone.

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Sadly more common amongst some professional women than women admit---though I would not state the hyperbole that all professional Black women want athletes or thugs.

More like I know a few who try to save men or be with one they think will allow them to be in charge. Tbh, IR relationships often turbocharge this with some high credential Black women I know married to average White dudes. Nothing wrong with this but it is hard to claim you can't find a BM on your level but are willing to settle for less elsewhere.

If she had dated Bryan like Black dudes she would probably been married years ago but it seems like she is into the possible fame so was a perfect reality TV contestant. Her dynamic towards him and maybe denial about this true character may have been 1/2 of breaking the relationship.
 

lib123

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Sadly more common amongst some professional women than women admit---though I would not state the hyperbole that all professional Black women want athletes or thugs.

More like I know a few who try to save men or be with one they think will allow them to be in charge. Tbh, IR relationships often turbocharge this with some high credential Black women I know married to average White dudes. Nothing wrong with this but it is hard to claim you can't find a BM on your level but are willing to settle for less elsewhere.

If she had dated Bryan like Black dudes she would probably been married years ago but it seems like she is into the possible fame so was a perfect reality TV contestant. Her dynamic towards him and maybe denial about this true character may have been 1/2 of breaking the relationship.



It's not that they all want athletes or thugs but it seems many prioritize physical attributes and "swag" over character and integrity. Even Black women who are professional matchmakers have said this.


WE ASKED TWO BLACK WOMEN HELPING OTHER SISTERS FIND LOVE WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON WITH THE DATING SCENE.

ESSENCE.COM: Do you feel Black women and men are too particular when it comes to potential dating candidates?

FISHER: We found that as opposed to the White clients that we’ve had, Black women are usually looking for physical attributes first. We look for someone who is attractive to us and then we pick up on his hobbies, interests and values. Whereas, White clients are looking for the reverse first. What kind of job does he have? Is he going to be able to provide? Then they circle back.

GILMORE: We’re the first ones to look at men’s bodies and how attractive they are whereas our White clients have a long list of requirements of things like character and integrity…

FISHER: …and, then down the line, it backfires for us because you were never a compatible mix to start with.

ESSENCE.COM: Do Black women have realistic dating pool expectations?

GILMORE: We have clients that have a long laundry list of requirements—6 foot 4, with a Ph.D., never been married, no children, in his late 30s or early 40s—and a lot of times we then ask them, well, what are you bringing to the table? And, the answer is nowhere near all that. Why would you expect someone to have more than what you’re offering?



Brehettes, do you agree with this assessment? @Gloxina
 
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valet

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126:11 she makes a joke about marrying outside her race
 
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Gloxina

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It's not that they all want athletes or thugs but it seems many prioritize physical attributes and "swag" over character and integrity. Even Black women who are professional matchmakers have said this.


WE ASKED TWO BLACK WOMEN HELPING OTHER SISTERS FIND LOVE WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON WITH THE DATING SCENE.

ESSENCE.COM: Do you feel Black women and men are too particular when it comes to potential dating candidates?

FISHER: We found that as opposed to the White clients that we’ve had, Black women are usually looking for physical attributes first. We look for someone who is attractive to us and then we pick up on his hobbies, interests and values. Whereas, White clients are looking for the reverse first. What kind of job does he have? Is he going to be able to provide? Then they circle back.

GILMORE: We’re the first ones to look at men’s bodies and how attractive they are whereas our White clients have a long list of requirements of things like character and integrity…

FISHER: …and, then down the line, it backfires for us because you were never a compatible mix to start with.

ESSENCE.COM: Do Black women have realistic dating pool expectations?

GILMORE: We have clients that have a long laundry list of requirements—6 foot 4, with a Ph.D., never been married, no children, in his late 30s or early 40s—and a lot of times we then ask them, well, what are you bringing to the table? And, the answer is nowhere near all that. Why would you expect someone to have more than what you’re offering?



Brehettes, do you agree with this assessment? @Gloxina
My bad did NOT see this. I don’t know women who are that delusional. :hubie:. A few of my girls found the MDs and PhDs and none of them were looking for a man who was 6’4. Lololol
 

Gloxina

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126:11 she makes a joke about marrying outside her race

Ok brehs can feel however they want about her attempting to “come home” 👀 (although famous brehs have dated/married outside the race and “come home” after their relationships ended :ufdup:)…

I think the important takeaway is the discussion around The Breakfast Club’s interview with Candace Owens. Black folks CANNOT let that broad come around without holding her feet to the fire. And even then, throw her ass out the door.
 
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