CinnaSlim
Queen of Swords
After dealing with a lot of bitter black men, and women complaining about bitter black men, I have had an epiphany.
The complaints and insults, the whining and fighting, were actually cries for help.
Black men have a lot on their shoulders, obviously. But one of the issues I haven't been paying attention to is their emotional and mental issues. I am a woman and I have been a child so I know those experiences, it's why I am passionate about helping women and children. The unique experiences of black men haven't been at the forefront of my mind because I have no personal experience with them. Instead, I see black men as strong, masculine, leaders, protectors and defenders. I used to be
at emotional, whiny, passive, victim -claiming black men. Looking down on them and insulting them. I didn't realize that that is a very valid behavior.
I put black men on a pedestal, anyone who didn't measure up to that was looked down on. I have realized that putting them on a pedestal can be just as bad and putting them below me. Instead I had to realize that black men are my equal. That's what I always say, but I didn't believe it truly. Black men are not perfect, they are human. Being human means that you will make mistakes and you will experience life through emotions.
Men, but black men especially, are defined by their masculinity. They are taught not to cry, suck it up, stop being a baby. That isn't healthy. Of course, you shouldn't stay in your feelings, but you shouldn't suppress them and bottle them up either. Emotions have to be experienced and acknowledged. You have to go through it to get over it.
What healthy outlets do men have for their emotions? Most can't go to other men without being teased, called a "punk", "bytch", "soft" or told to toughen up. They can't go to women for fear of looking less like a "man". Usually, all they have are relationships. When the person who you bared yourself to in your most vulnerable state betrays you, it is a perfectly normal reaction to become bitter.
But you can not stay there, you need to release those negative emotions. We have to reach out to each other and connect. Recognizing there is a lack of emotional support for black men. We need to reintroduce ourselves to eachother with an open mind and a sense of equality. These are our equals, our reflections. When black men are hurting, so are black women. When black women are hurting so are black men. We need each other.
The complaints and insults, the whining and fighting, were actually cries for help.
Black men have a lot on their shoulders, obviously. But one of the issues I haven't been paying attention to is their emotional and mental issues. I am a woman and I have been a child so I know those experiences, it's why I am passionate about helping women and children. The unique experiences of black men haven't been at the forefront of my mind because I have no personal experience with them. Instead, I see black men as strong, masculine, leaders, protectors and defenders. I used to be
at emotional, whiny, passive, victim -claiming black men. Looking down on them and insulting them. I didn't realize that that is a very valid behavior. I put black men on a pedestal, anyone who didn't measure up to that was looked down on. I have realized that putting them on a pedestal can be just as bad and putting them below me. Instead I had to realize that black men are my equal. That's what I always say, but I didn't believe it truly. Black men are not perfect, they are human. Being human means that you will make mistakes and you will experience life through emotions.
Men, but black men especially, are defined by their masculinity. They are taught not to cry, suck it up, stop being a baby. That isn't healthy. Of course, you shouldn't stay in your feelings, but you shouldn't suppress them and bottle them up either. Emotions have to be experienced and acknowledged. You have to go through it to get over it.
What healthy outlets do men have for their emotions? Most can't go to other men without being teased, called a "punk", "bytch", "soft" or told to toughen up. They can't go to women for fear of looking less like a "man". Usually, all they have are relationships. When the person who you bared yourself to in your most vulnerable state betrays you, it is a perfectly normal reaction to become bitter.
But you can not stay there, you need to release those negative emotions. We have to reach out to each other and connect. Recognizing there is a lack of emotional support for black men. We need to reintroduce ourselves to eachother with an open mind and a sense of equality. These are our equals, our reflections. When black men are hurting, so are black women. When black women are hurting so are black men. We need each other.
Nail on the head. I grew up largely without my father, and there were hundreds of instances in which i would have liked to have someone listen to what was troubling me. I didnt get that luxury. I had to morph into a psuedo father for my sisters cause they mostly didnt have one, crying was frowned upon, and the common response to whatever bothers me was always "suck it up" or "get some p*ssy."
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