Big Sean Juelzing Like a Coli Breh when Asked Why He Had Baby with Jhene but Didn't Marry Her.
- Thread starter lib123
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And especially if they had kids together
A good deal of marriage-aged men (Millennial and early Zoomers, essentially 1980-2000 born) have dropped the fairy tale of marriage and the game and laws are still what they are.
It will take till about 2050 for conversations to start. At that point Gen Alpha will be marriage-aged while we'll be the first generation of seniors (50+) to reach that age and demonstrate the effects of being unable to agree and forge long-term bonds with each other, which will be negative and force the conversation.
And it will be the voices and struggles of the older women that sparks the topic, not us.
Dameon Farrow
Superstar
I'll take it a step further. If you do get knocked up(because Lord knows raw sex is rampant I don't kid myself about this) abort the child. Do it early on though. Don't sit around twiddling your thumbs.Sometimes we don’t get the man we want and that’s ok. Just don’t give him a baby.
Now that's cold as hell. I admit it. And 10 15 years ago if you told me my thoughts would shift to take such a stance I woulda laughed at you and kicked you to the curb.
But hear me out.
It saves the child a lot of grief. It saves the mother grief. Now I'll stop here and admit it can give a woman regret, which is different from grief. Life, unfortunately, is about hard ass decisions at times. You can let your family, the church, your pastor etc guilt you into keeping a child if you want but....it is your life in the end. Will they be there when it gets tough?
Does your financial situation fit a child? Does your social life fit in a child? It (should be) a huge committment and responsibility. It's no joke. You need years of training to be a plastic surgeon(as you should) but anybody having sex can be a parent. There are classes but noone is gatekeeping you from the job of parenthood if you lack training. You will gladly be allowed to learn on the job with 0 experience.
With that said? Women that go ahead and have the child and soldier on? Hats off. I've seen some miracles. They did the jobs. Paid the bills. Got degrees. And was a mother to the child or children. Dudes that knocked them up were scarce to nonexistent a lot of times. I've also witnessed mothers who made it very plain they wished they had taken a different turn in life. And that shyt got passed right on to the kid via abuse and neglect that would turn your stomach. The regret and resentment coming off of these young women was like heat from a high fever. Your heart breaks.
You can say adoption but a woman who takes a child to term will probably not give the child up. That's investment in a way. Having the child born and then immediately removed? That'll give you grief.
Now this was a long post. I'd say about 90% of the pro life population wouldn't discuss what I've went in detail about right here. They'll throw some verses at you and tell you how we are all God's children. That's a fine viewpoint(any Creator would definitely have love for us all born or unborn) but it's empty rhetoric in my eyes. A pregnant woman that is actually giving it some thoughts shouldn't be subjected to a Bible Verse Guilt Trip.
Her feelings should be taken into consideration. And she should be allowed to make her own decisions. It's her life not anybody else's.
YEP.
And this is why, even though it takes two to make a child, you have to lay it out like this with the girls/women in your life.
The “village” isn’t pouring into your children more than you will.
The man is morally obligated to stay and raise the child, but history has shown us that there are plenty of men who will cut and run as soon as you pop up pregnant.
In real life the burden falls on the woman, so you better make damn sure you are with a man who has fully, literally proven that he is up for the task of marriage and heading a household. And, being frank, love really isn’t at the top of the list when it comes to making that determination— but that is something you won’t understand until you’re older, unless your parents have been drilling it into your head since you were young.
Life for a woman will be very painful and stressful if she doesn’t know the harsh realities that men can run away from that we cannot.
The issue is the Black community doesn’t have these hard ass discussions with our girls. If we did…there’d be a lot less Black children running around.
Again- men in this very thread are advocating holding on to a girlfriend and not marrying her because their desire to cheat is too strong, but they aren’t willing to walk away and let her find a man who is ready to be faithful and have a marriage.
We have a COMMUNITY issue and until that is addressed, more broken homes are on the way.
I see Gen A Or after seeing the hoards of crazy cat ladies bankrupting the country causing the pivot lol.
Dameon Farrow
Superstar
We don't like hard discussions. You talk to a lot of females who wish they'd had better lives? You can tell very little was explained to them. Like about anything. 0 experience on the job training. We treat these conversations as taboo. Probably because it contradicts religious teachings. Probably it just makes parents uncomfortable.
BUT a tide seems to be turning. Maybe it's being discussed more online since families won't. Because it seems more of us are understanding they have options.
Don't have a child for a man who has not married you. Don't go raw in a woman you have no intentions of marrying.
How about that be the message we spread to our people, no matter the present circumstances are. Maybe we can turn this mess all around, if we actually returned to the old idea about it taking mentally fit Mothers and Fathers to raise well adjusted children, and that being the focus towards building strong families. Strong families also have the extra benefit of creating strong, productive, and safe communities.
How about that be the message we spread to our people, no matter the present circumstances are. Maybe we can turn this mess all around, if we actually returned to the old idea about it taking mentally fit Mothers and Fathers to raise well adjusted children, and that being the focus towards building strong families. Strong families also have the extra benefit of creating strong, productive, and safe communities.
BS....women can establish very early on if a man is not marriage materail...stop acting like woman are these naieve and have no control over their bodies.I’m glad it’s out there. A lot of women bump into dudes with this mentality, and they don’t say this stuff to you off the rip. You have dudes in this thread advocating for staying with your girl and just not marrying her if you still think you’ll cheat. So basically, have a woman waiting in limbo while you possibly slide up in other women without feeling guilty since you aren’t married.
This is the mentality a lot of young women have to combat out here.
Women aren't marriage minded....they want marriage and theres a difference....you chose the man first and then hope the guy wants to marry you. If these women were truly marriage minded they would establish very early on what a mans mentality is around is. As mentioned in this thread, she could get mariage but she wouldnt be interested in those type of men because she isn't truly marriage minded.
YEP.
And this is why, even though it takes two to make a child, you have to lay it out like this with the girls/women in your life.
The “village” isn’t pouring into your children more than you will.
The man is morally obligated to stay and raise the child, but history has shown us that there are plenty of men who will cut and run as soon as you pop up pregnant.
In real life the burden falls on the woman, so you better make damn sure you are with a man who has fully, literally proven that he is up for the task of marriage and heading a household. And, being frank, love really isn’t at the top of the list when it comes to making that determination— but that is something you won’t understand until you’re older, unless your parents have been drilling it into your head since you were young.
Life for a woman will be very painful and stressful if she doesn’t know the harsh realities that men can run away from that we cannot.
The issue is the Black community doesn’t have these hard ass discussions with our girls. If we did…there’d be a lot less Black children running around.
Again- men in this very thread are advocating holding on to a girlfriend and not marrying her because their desire to cheat is too strong, but they aren’t willing to walk away and let her find a man who is ready to be faithful and have a marriage.
We have a COMMUNITY issue and until that is addressed, more broken homes are on the way.
You're right "the burden falls on the woman" so it makes no sense for women to allow men to have their child without the commitment of marriage behind it.....
It’s right in front of you but you can’t see it.
Common sense isn’t common.
People are literally ruled by their emotions, hormones and physical attraction. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUNG.
It takes REARING, EDUCATION, and REAL TALK at a YOUNG AGE to teach someone how to control their urges. There’s a reason why most of the ppl who get it right come from a history of families that have gotten it right over generations.
I already said it. The Black community doesn’t have these talks anymore.
18, 20, 22, 24YOs who are at their finest, hormones raging, idealist about relationships and marriage, and are being approached by all types of dudes will EASILY fall for the wrong type without someone guiding them. The same way guys fool around with a bunch of the “non marriage material” women before settling down with a nice girl.
Again, yes the burden falls on the woman. But it takes 2 to make a baby. You don’t think the guy telling you he loves you, etc is going to walk away because those hormones your body releases during and after sex make you feel drawn and connected to him and the baby growing inside you. It takes education and real talk with your parents to learn that men LITERALLY, PHYSICALLY don’t function the same way and a man has to show and prove his maturity and readiness in a concrete way before you share yourself with him and get pregnant. Men can drive down an alley at 3am and pay a ransom woman for sex and not thing about her ever again. Men will go to the strip club and watch a dozen women gyrate on stage and not think about those women ever again. A man can drop his seed in a woman and walk away not knowing or caring if the woman and potential child will live or die. WE don’t understand that until someone teaches us that. If no one teaches you that, you literally think men react to love, sex and babies the same way we do.
No one just knows that shyt at 20 when their hormones are going crazy.
Hell, as much as I know— my sense damn near went out the window whenever I was near my ex because the negro was just that fine. And the sex was
. And he was educated at what may be the best HBCU and had it all together. It was my maturity and ability to pick up on certain red flags that made me pull back, although he was Mr. Perfect on paper. And if I had MORE control I might’ve caught the red flags even sooner. Imagine going out in the world and knowing none of this and having to bump your head and learn it along the way.
Y’all can say what you want, but our community isn’t pumping out young women OR YOUNG MEN who are ready and searching for a spouse by 24-30yrs old. Cuz y’all talk all this stuff about women but don’t mention the fact that young men of other races get married younger than Black men as well. I said it before, all these white and Asian girls aren’t marrying men 10+ years older than them. The average marriage age gap in the US is like 4 years. The 24YO women in other communities are marrying guys who are 24-28, etc.
Again- yes women need to move more carefully because the burden falls on us, but FAMILY needs to teach young girls that men will run game to get what they want and leave you for the next girl who falls for the same game. If not, girls are learning through trial and error and becoming jaded and heartbroken in the process.
Imagine being a man, having a daughter, and not telling her shyt about dudes before she starts dating? THAT is what happens to a lot of Black girls in this country.
And THAT is the issue. If he wants to hop inside other women, LET HER GO!
That is the issue.
Everyone knows that when a woman is in love she will hang on for dear life. Why have a woman hanging on if you know you still trying to have fun on the side??
Because it’s acceptable for a man to be dishonest and waste a woman’s time. It’s on the woman to walk away.
It’s just so funny because it correlates to the divorce topic as well. Dudes say women are the ones always filing for divorce/walking away, but it’s because men won’t actually pick up and leave. They will do whatever the fukk they want to do and it’s on the woman to say fukk it and walk away or sit and deal with it.
When you’re a girlfriend- “you let him waste your years, you should’ve left if he was cheating, etc”
When you’re married- “well, whatever is happening, you’re the one walking away and ending it, not him. So it’s your fault”.
Married or not he’d be doing the same thing.
If he had any level of respect for her and actually cared, he’d acknowledge societal customs and have her walk through society as a WIFE and not a BABYMOMMA. Men know the stigma. He just doesn’t rock with her enough to keep from putting that stigma on her.
and she KNOWS that. Let's keep it 100 here...