Anybody here write poetry and short stories?

[Ziggiy]

Got something else. As always open to critique/criticism





The Oversimplification Of Beauty

I am not Shakespeare, a genius who changed the very shape of literature with the flourish of a quill as a predetermined destiny hath defined his role. I am simply an artist with a mental paintbrush attempting to create a canvas showcasing every single color of your soul. I am not Miles Davis, who redefined a genre of black music with the luminescent melodies of his own kind of blue. I am by nature just an apprentice attempting to comprehend the lushness of the notes and tunes composing the orchestra of you. I am not Langston Hughes, a laureate whose mastery of verse was by second nature a talent that he had no choice but to flaunt. I am by choice just a student who by research correlates the loveliness of your smile with the ghetto's rebirth into the Harlem Renaissance. I am not Spike Lee, whose lens captured the black experience in a manner that spoke to the people's intelligence and allowed us a cinematic power to fight. I am the modest understudy who upon viewing the majesty of your presence was inspired by such a Goddess, a script of stunning allure to write. I am not Martin nor am I Malcolm, who gave their lives as martyrs and set Afro-Americans on a path to pride through the sacrifice of their blood. I am but a millimeter of their bravery as I walk a path to prove why it's you who are deserving of such renowned praise and love. I am not Muhammad Ali, who strutted into the ring with the bravado of a thousand kings; confident of his victory in each and every bout. As when we spar I am blinded by the glamor of your eyes, and 30 seconds into the first round my heart is already down for the count. I am not a prodigy nor an expert, neither supremely talented nor in any sense of the word a sensation.

But having spent time in your presence I can say with foremost certainty, that to describe you as only Beautiful would be a gross oversimplification...

 

[godkiller]

I used to do it. I wrote habitually until I was about 15 then life circumstances interfered. I'm back in college now after a year away and I might start again. My latest story is about a space detective.

 

[Poh SIti Dawn]

Got something else. As always open to critique/criticism





The Oversimplification Of Beauty

I am not Shakespeare, a genius who changed the very shape of literature with the flourish of a quill as a predetermined destiny hath defined his role. I am simply an artist with a mental paintbrush attempting to create a canvas showcasing every single color of your soul. I am not Miles Davis, who redefined a genre of black music with the luminescent melodies of his own kind of blue. I am by nature just an apprentice attempting to comprehend the lushness of the notes and tunes composing the orchestra of you. I am not Langston Hughes, a laureate whose mastery of verse was by second nature a talent that he had no choice but to flaunt. I am by choice just a student who by research correlates the loveliness of your smile with the ghetto's rebirth into the Harlem Renaissance. I am not Spike Lee, whose lens captured the black experience in a manner that spoke to the people's intelligence and allowed us a cinematic power to fight. I am the modest understudy who upon viewing the majesty of your presence was inspired by such a Goddess, a script of stunning allure to write. I am not Martin nor am I Malcolm, who gave their lives as martyrs and set Afro-Americans on a path to pride through the sacrifice of their blood. I am but a millimeter of their bravery as I walk a path to prove why it's you who are deserving of such renowned praise and love. I am not Muhammad Ali, who strutted into the ring with the bravado of a thousand kings; confident of his victory in each and every bout. As when we spar I am blinded by the glamor of your eyes, and 30 seconds into the first round my heart is already down for the count. I am not a prodigy nor an expert, neither supremely talented nor in any sense of the word a sensation.

But having spent time in your presence I can say with foremost certainty, that to describe you as only Beautiful would be a gross oversimplification...

I don't understand why you start off with Shakespeare and then get caught up in the whole "Being Black and proud" thing. There are great black writers, but that's beyond the point; if you've got a theme in mind, be consistent.

I really do like this part though "I am not Muhammad Ali, who strutted into the ring with the bravado of a thousand kings".

 

[godkiller]

"And the chief, sir?"

"He'll return. He always come back."

The boy stammered. "But what if he doesn't?"

"He will", the major said, "Spartans never die, boy. Never."

The sky is an iridescent grey; snow daintily falling on the well-worn buildings of New America. Everything is in tableau; frozen gray structures almost at a standstill. To think, Spartan 617 thought to himself, that the world could change so much. It was surreal, this desolate landscape. Interesting but saddening. After all, this was the end of the world.


"Fitting, isn't it?", came a voice from behind.

Spartan registered the voice of an old man, and turned around. "Always a pleasure, sir." He saluted.

 

[Poh SIti Dawn]

I wrote yesterday about something I saw that bothered me:


"Today I've witnessed one of life's sorrows. I won't ask for ears, but instead your heart. Today, as many of my stories are from experiences that happen within the present time. The past often allows me to reflect, so I'll write my words now and look back on them in the future. Right, today I went to a corner store on Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard, which happens to be an area with the most blacks. In my mind, this little corner store owned by an old Korean couple is infamous for selling single cigarettes; a convenient thing, but addictive. Leaving my barber shop I walked slowly to the shop and as I stepped in I noticed 2 little girls. It was odd, but sad. It was sad to see their faces. They had been stripped of their emotions, and too young to understand the situation; they hadn't quite yet learned how to analyze a situation and their emotions were yet to be equipped with the feeling of embarrassment. Unaware of the situation, I glanced quickly to the old Korean woman working at the counter and then I looked straight. There, stood a woman who had been stripped of her pride and dignity, and return given the permission to act as a fool would. My eyes moved, but the time stood still. Between the working woman's accent and the woman watching the children's shouting, I understood little but what was known was that the woman was owed money from a scratch ticket, but was she really?

That's not important to me, but instead the emotions of the people that stood in front of me. The Korean woman, frustrated, the children, emotionless, and the woman causing the commotion was upset. Mediating was my first thought, but I figured it was none of my business, but I'm still unsure of this."

 

[godkiller]

I wrote yesterday about something I saw that bothered me:


"Today I've witnessed one of life's sorrows. I won't ask for ears, but instead your heart. Today, as many of my stories are from experiences that happen within the present time. The past often allows me to reflect, so I'll write my words now and look back on them in the future. Right, today I went to a corner store on Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard, which happens to be an area with the most blacks. In my mind, this little corner store owned by an old Korean couple is infamous for selling single cigarettes; a convenient thing, but addictive. Leaving my barber shop I walked slowly to the shop and as I stepped in I noticed 2 little girls. It was odd, but sad. It was sad to see their faces. They had been stripped of their emotions, and too young to understand the situation; they hadn't quite yet learned how to analyze a situation and their emotions were yet to be equipped with the feeling of embarrassment. Unaware of the situation, I glanced quickly to the old Korean woman working at the counter and then I looked straight. There, stood a woman who had been stripped of her pride and dignity, and return given the permission to act as a fool would. My eyes moved, but the time stood still. Between the working woman's accent and the woman watching the children's shouting, I understood little but what was known was that the woman was owed money from a scratch ticket, but was she really?

That's not important to me, but instead the emotions of the people that stood in front of me. The Korean woman, frustrated, the children, emotionless, and the woman causing the commotion was upset. Mediating was my first thought, but I figured it was none of my business, but I'm still unsure of this."

Your story sort of reminds me of stream-of-consciousness first person writing. I think the African American background set-up, character introduction and general foreshadowing of events is done well. The italicized part is a little staid in my opinion. I wouldn't use the words "equipped".

 

[Ziggiy]

I don't understand why you start off with Shakespeare and then get caught up in the whole "Being Black and proud" thing. There are great black writers, but that's beyond the point; if you've got a theme in mind, be consistent.

I really do like this part though "I am not Muhammad Ali, who strutted into the ring with the bravado of a thousand kings".

Yea your right, I started with Shakespeare because he's supposed to be the father of modern day writing and all that then I LITERALLY pulled a "fukk a cac" vibe out of my mind and went pro-black with it lol. This poem was honestly something I wrote in about 15 minutes just freestyle writing. I'll probably actually edit the Shakespeare part out

 

[Poh SIti Dawn]

Your story sort of reminds me of stream-of-consciousness first person writing. I think the African American background set-up, character introduction and general foreshadowing of events is done well. The italicized part is a little staid in my opinion. I wouldn't use the words "equipped".

Thank you, you know...my story is a great story, in my eyes; it's just not told in a way that truly captures the event and the emotions surrounding it. I figure, that some of my daily encounters with people are great things, they're just not described best, which is something that I'm striving accomplish.

Equipped was simplistic, rationalizing my choice of the word:I saw the little girls as nothing other than a car frame, which was soon to have seats, a motor, wheels, etc added to them. Like I said, right words, right words, right words!

I don't mind sharing my stories and words, but I've got this sense of pride that says to me "perhaps these things are too good to be placed online, maybe they should be shared to others in person" but as of now the Internet is my only audience. I just hate the traditionalism that lacks when I place things online, I feel as if my words are less valuable. Either way thank you.

 

[Poh SIti Dawn]

Yea your right, I started with Shakespeare because he's supposed to be the father of modern day writing and all that then I LITERALLY pulled a "fukk a cac" vibe out of my mind and went pro-black with it lol. This poem was honestly something I wrote in about 15 minutes just freestyle writing. I'll probably actually edit the Shakespeare part out

Lol, yeah, you did. I wouldn't edit it out, the words have already been written. Leave the piece as it is and move on. You're not trying to write a brilliant masterpiece, you're just trying to write.

"When I reread what I've written I feel like I'm swallowing my own vomit"

Clarice Lispector

 

[godkiller]

Thank you, you know...my story is a great story, in my eyes; it's just not told in a way that truly captures the event and the emotions surrounding it. I figure, that some of my daily encounters with people are great things, they're just not described best, which is something that I'm striving accomplish.

There's nothing wrong with the story. It's a great beginning. I'm just giving suggestions.

I don't mind sharing my stories and words, but I've got this sense of pride that says to me "perhaps these things are too good to be placed online, maybe they should be shared to others in person" but as of now the Internet is my only audience. I just hate the traditionalism that lacks when I place things online, I feel as if my words are less valuable. Either way thank you.

I understand what you mean but feedback is the best teacher. Even though I'm too scared to do it most of the time, I try to put my stuff online in order to get feedback. Then I go back and improve on my efforts. Generally the more information I get, the better the final outcome.

 

[mbewane]

Got something else. As always open to critique/criticism





The Oversimplification Of Beauty

I am not Shakespeare, a genius who changed the very shape of literature with the flourish of a quill as a predetermined destiny hath defined his role. I am simply an artist with a mental paintbrush attempting to create a canvas showcasing every single color of your soul. I am not Miles Davis, who redefined a genre of black music with the luminescent melodies of his own kind of blue. I am by nature just an apprentice attempting to comprehend the lushness of the notes and tunes composing the orchestra of you. I am not Langston Hughes, a laureate whose mastery of verse was by second nature a talent that he had no choice but to flaunt. I am by choice just a student who by research correlates the loveliness of your smile with the ghetto's rebirth into the Harlem Renaissance. I am not Spike Lee, whose lens captured the black experience in a manner that spoke to the people's intelligence and allowed us a cinematic power to fight. I am the modest understudy who upon viewing the majesty of your presence was inspired by such a Goddess, a script of stunning allure to write. I am not Martin nor am I Malcolm, who gave their lives as martyrs and set Afro-Americans on a path to pride through the sacrifice of their blood. I am but a millimeter of their bravery as I walk a path to prove why it's you who are deserving of such renowned praise and love. I am not Muhammad Ali, who strutted into the ring with the bravado of a thousand kings; confident of his victory in each and every bout. As when we spar I am blinded by the glamor of your eyes, and 30 seconds into the first round my heart is already down for the count. I am not a prodigy nor an expert, neither supremely talented nor in any sense of the word a sensation.

But having spent time in your presence I can say with foremost certainty, that to describe you as only Beautiful would be a gross oversimplification...

http://oversimplification.mvmt.com/

you saw the movie breh?

 

[Ziggiy]

http://oversimplification.mvmt.com/

you saw the movie breh?

No


I was actually listening to the Love Jones soundtrack when I wrote it. Lauryn Hill's Sweetest Thing....


But damn now I'm going to have to check out that flick

 

[Ziggiy]

http://oversimplification.mvmt.com/

you saw the movie breh?

No


I was actually listening to the Love Jones soundtrack when I wrote it. Lauryn Hill's Sweetest Thing....


But damn now I'm going to have to check out that flick

 

[mbewane]

No


I was actually listening to the Love Jones soundtrack when I wrote it. Lauryn Hill's Sweetest Thing....


But damn now I'm going to have to check out that flick

Yeah def check it out, but be aware that it's VERY experimental/arty, it's basically a movie in the movie with a voice-over, far from your average movie. Quite demanding, I personally liked it but it's def not everyone's cup of tea.

 

[MR. SNIFLES]

ONCE UPON A TIME IN A PLACE FAR, FAR AWAY A MAN LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER. THE END.