Any of y’all cut of toxic religious parents before?

[desjardins]

Is it possible to have a frank conversation with them about it?
On some "we can live our lives different and still respect each other" tip

Some of these crazy religious people may have mental health issues or have a cult like mentality, in that case if they refuse help it might be better to cut them off to protect your own mental health

 

[MMS]

Is it possible to have a frank conversation with them about it?
On some "we can live our lives different and still respect each other" tip

Some of these crazy religious people may have mental health issues or have a cult like mentality, in that case if they refuse help it might be better to cut them off to protect your own mental health

Sadly a lot of times it’s impossible depending on their stance

We are called to heal and forgive not condemn but time and again people miss the message

Folks want to do everything but learn the herdsman’s way

 

[desjardins]

We are called to heal and forgive not condemn but time and again people miss the message

Maybe OP can try to highlight the above
But in my experience it never works. Like OP detailed his mom won't even acknowledge her own sins, she probably not going acknowledge being judgmental or spin it to be about saving him or whatever. The level of hypocrisy is insane in these situations and it can be a burden to deal with

 

[get these nets]

Especially an ultra religious Christian mother? Contemplating this right now

She will always be your Mother. If you're not living under her roof, it shouldn't matter how devoutly religious she is, or toxic to use your word.

 

[MMS]

Maybe OP can try to highlight the above
But in my experience it never works. Like OP detailed his mom won't even acknowledge her own sins, she probably not going acknowledge being judgmental or spin it to be about saving him or whatever. The level of hypocrisy is insane in these situations and it can be a burden to deal with

As I said before, Jesus separates the sheep and the goats

I am witness to his work and how he fights for us daily and we are unaware

@Marks thats why I said he is always fighting for our salvation, lest we become slaves to our own pattern/misbegotten speech. Forgiveness and love, they never die

If my own speech was a panopticon, I’d be greeted with a great deal of pain and distress. The remembrance of what I have done would never cease.

Isaiah 44:22 Hebrew Text Analysis

But I will never forget the mighty god of Jacob

 

[MMS]

double

 

[CrimsonTider]

Can’t speak to my mother without her bringing up God, ALWAYS judging my life, watches these African Pentecostal churches 24/7 and all they talk about is devils and hell so ANYTHING I do she has to be negative about. For example, if I’m going to a party, instead of wishing me to enjoy myself she’ll say ‘I had a dream something bad happened, you shouldn’t go. That’s God speaking to me’.

Doesn’t approve of my relationship even though she hasn’t met my girlfriend, just says her ‘spirit’ doesn’t feel her. Wants me to bring her to her pastor as she believes God speaks through her pastor, which I refuse to do.

Typical hypocritical Christian, condemns me for fornicating even though she did the same. Oh but it’s different because she asked for forgiveness.

I could go on, she relies on me financially but I just can’t stand how negative she is because of religion. It’s starting to affect my mental health and how I view her.

Listen to your mom and not the Coli

 

[Godless Socialist CEO]

Personally no, cause I don’t believe in cutting off close relatives like that over petty shyt.

But in your case it may not be “petty shyt” so I don’t know.

I'm guessing you're religious, because as a non religious person myself I find it to be pretty fukking offensive when religious people try to enforce their beliefs on me and I'd expect them to find it offensive if I tried to the same to them

 

[CrushedGroove]

No. What are they saying to you or presenting you that is religion based to make you feel this way?

 

[NeilCartwright]

I'll say this, my girls parents are like that. they from haiti and are extremely religious. downright toxic and abusive too. when she was growing up they'd say shyt like if you do something wrong you going to hell, or if the girls wore their hair a certain way they'd say they looked like animals. Saying stuff like that to a child definitely affects you for life

Even now, the parents still berate them. in that case id say to cut them off bc its stupidity, but everyones different. and once you have kids you gotta ask yourself do you want them to have a relationship with their grandparents etc

 

[The Burger King]

I'm guessing you're religious, because as a non religious person myself I find it to be pretty fukking offensive when religious people try to enforce their beliefs on me and I'd expect them to find it offensive if I tried to the same to them

I believe in the concept of a God and try to live as righteously as possible. I don’t disrespect anyone or do anyone wrong unless I’m forced to. I just don’t believe in church.

In my parents’ case, they think like a lot of older black people in the sense that they like to attribute things to “God” when it benefits their argument.

For example, I actually do manage restaurants IRL. Burger Kings, Popeyes, a few coffee shops, etc.

One of my district’s coffee shops was struggling and my parents gave me a lecture that it was a “sign from God” that I should go ahead and shut it down and invest hundreds of thousands of dollars into opening one at this upscale location, while not having a clue on how restaurants are opened, operated or run.

When it comes to shyt like that, at this point I just shut it down or let it fly in one ear and out of the other.

 

[CrushedGroove]

I'm religious and come from a religious family. But we use the lessons to impart wisdom and not prophecy. We don't invoke God or Jesus every sentence because kids don't pull from it. You'd rather have something practical to use than spiritual.

Older generations of our people tend to rely more on the spirit, but if you are all emotion and not adhering to the self discipline and order then you will push away the very people you intend to help.

You only get 1 mother. Let her know that you know her intentions are good, but the method is pushing you away. Ask her to be your mother and not your savior or spiritual guide.

There will be some initial sparks because you are asking someone to change a part of themselves that they have rooted in their entire identity. Ask her to tell you stories about her childhood. Ask her thoughts on an outfit. Try to pull the humanity out when you talk to her to show her God made her more than just a mirror to scriptures, but a beautiful WHOLE person that can laugh, cry, joke, love, etc.

I don't know your mom's but I know she wouldn't be like this toward you if she didn't care. Many of us weren't taught to show love and care outside of trying to protect, which looks a lot like prevention.

 

[Black Magisterialness]

Especially an ultra religious Christian mother? Contemplating this right now

1. Let it be known that you find their behavior uncomfortable
2. Just cut down on time with them.
3. Set CLEAR boundaries.
4. Cease commuinication if 1-3 doesn't do the trick.


I'd only cut family off completely if they were clearly abusive mentally/emotionally or physically. A difference of opinion isn't a reason to lose a key relationship. But

 

[Your Welcome]

Especially an ultra religious Christian mother? Contemplating this right now

*Ecspecially

 

[the bossman]

Can’t speak to my mother without her bringing up God, ALWAYS judging my life, watches these African Pentecostal churches 24/7 and all they talk about is devils and hell so ANYTHING I do she has to be negative about. For example, if I’m going to a party, instead of wishing me to enjoy myself she’ll say ‘I had a dream something bad happened, you shouldn’t go. That’s God speaking to me’.

Doesn’t approve of my relationship even though she hasn’t met my girlfriend, just says her ‘spirit’ doesn’t feel her. Wants me to bring her to her pastor as she believes God speaks through her pastor, which I refuse to do.

Typical hypocritical Christian, condemns me for fornicating even though she did the same. Oh but it’s different because she asked for forgiveness.

I could go on, she relies on me financially but I just can’t stand how negative she is because of religion. It’s starting to affect my mental health and how I view her.

You described my mom to a T. Some good advice in this thread. First piece of advice is to evaluate the situation without emotion, otherwise you gonna make a knee-jerk decision. Now ask yourself, why is she like this? High probability that:

So, it seems your mom is using religion as a coping tool.

I don't know what your situation was like OP, but for me. Growing up I was obviously too young to pick up on it earlier, but as I got older it was no secret that my pops was not the greatest of husbands at all. Never cheated as far as I know but also just didn't treat her well at all. the amount of stress she was going thru. It was evident religion basically became her therapy of dealing with all the bs and she got even deeper into it as she got older. Does that make her a bad person? Not really. But she did become annoying af in the process.

She randomly called me one day talking about

her: 'bossman where are you? are you ok???'

me: ...uhh yea I'm fine. I'm downtown. why wasup?

her: I just had a dream. people were surrounding you in a circle praying over you while you were covered in blood.

me: oh ok.. nah I'm actually relaxing with some friends on rooftop bar (while on my 3rd round)

With that understanding, your sanity and happiness should still be priority #1, so how do you deal with this without going as far as cutting her off?

Excellent advice here:

1. Let it be known that you find their behavior uncomfortable
2. Just cut down on time with them.
3. Set CLEAR boundaries.
4. Cease commuinication if 1-3 doesn't do the trick.

Absolutely not, I'm an atheist with very religious parents, just limit your time with them, if you have kids make sure they aren't indoctrinated by their grandparents, don't let them bully you with their nonsense. But never cut them off completely unless they are abusive.

African parents struggle with seeing their kids as adults so don't take it to heart. Set your boundaries and just keep a little distance. Who knows maybe when you have kids, it might help her start to mellow out a little bit