Any ladies feel lost in the dating game?

[Aceofspades404]

a little background,
I wouldn't say I grew up sheltered bc the type of environment I was in allowed me to see some things but I'm a bit naive since my experiences are only second hand. Hook up culture was a phenomenon that I really didn't know about until I got to college. Even though I've known and seen girls pregnant since middle school, I always assumed that the guy was a long time boyfriend type thing (don't laugh).
Now as I'm about to turn 25, I just feel completely abnormal and weirded out. It's like when it comes to dating, there will always be another woman you have to compete with in order to win and I'm completely turned off by that. Situations where that has happened, I resigned to the sideline and left it alone.
In other cases, a lot of relationships I see have some sketchy foundations and that's pretty much the norm nowadays. People are just talking to a slew of people, entertaining a few, while sleeping with some and just picking an egg out the basket and seeing where it goes. I've never found that attractive.
Idk if I should chalk it up to me being an old soul or if I'm suffering from princess syndrome. There's a lot of bs in the dating game and it seems like you have to partake in it to win. I don't want that. I want something pure but I feel like that's old and tired and will be hard to find.

 

[Raava]

True things have changed. I can tell you a lot of guys in your age group aren't about settling down. I have older parents that were married at 21, society tells women you meet someone in college get engaged and get married like right after you graduate. I expected that for a while. It sets you up for failure because most guys aren't trying to settle down or even have a girlfriend. While there are some women who feel the same there are still a lot who don't, they end up settling for who ever will spend time with them. They let themselves be strung a long, and guys continue have their cake and eat it too.

Then you have women who like to play games too, play the field have fun, find themselves, and its nothing wrong with that but it just seems like those types of men and women don't date each other for some reason. They just end of hurting people and creating more people who play games. It's a cycle.

In this day and age of dating, I feel the most important thing for people to do, is stick to your guns. If you aren't trying to netflix and chill, don't. If you aren't trying to compete, don't. If you want a real relationship toss the person who doesn't want that in the bushes and don't try to change someone or settle for what they give you just to be with someone. Listen to the red flags. Don't put a timeline on yourself. Try to be friends first and take things slow, that weeds out people.

And yes, what you want will be hard to find. You will probably be single for a while and have to sift through a lot of bs. It will also challenge your beliefs about sex too, but if that's what you want then stick to it. Try to find others like you their are christian groups, christian singles. Around 25 was when I was over it and just single for a long time.

 

[EARFQUAKE]

I once was lost but now I've found

I'm going to be "America's favorite girlfriend" come 2018.

 

[CinnaSlim]

You don't have to play the game. Just get out and socialize. If you like him, say you like him. Be honest about what you want and don't want. Be clear about what you will and won't accept.

 

[Aceofspades404]

their are christian groups, christian singles.

These are the worst unfortunately. Every "Christian" guy I met chest got hot when I talked about premarital sex

I once was lost but now I've found

I'm going to be "America's favorite girlfriend" come 2018.

What did you do?

 

[Aceofspades404]

You don't have to play the game. Just get out and socialize. If you like him, say you like him. Be honest about what you want and don't want. Be clear about what you will and won't accept.

That's what I've been doing. I guess I'm just at the point of "something's gotta give". I'm not stressin though, just in my thoughts.

 

[Raava]

These are the worst unfortunately. Every "Christian" guy I met chest got hot when I talked about premarital sex


What did you do?

Yea I was going to add that, a lot of people in those groups having sex anyway. But that's just part of it being hard a lot of fakes in church sadly but there are some that aren't or guys more willing to be patient maybe this Ciara/Megan gGood celibacy thing will catch on more.

 

[EARFQUAKE]

These are the worst unfortunately. Every "Christian" guy I met chest got hot when I talked about premarital sex


What did you do?

Found enough confidence in myself to realize I'm a great catch

 

[CinnaSlim]

Found enough confidence in myself to realize I'm a great catch

That's the key. Know your worth.

 

[Aceofspades404]

Found enough confidence in myself to realize I'm a great catch

I'm confident but self conscious at the same time. The struggle is real

 

[Yinny]

.

 

[Rawtid]

I've always felt extremely excluded from the entire process of finding love in general. I was always the fat friend so I never dated in high school, I worked full-time in college so I never socialized and then my 20's came and went without any committed relationships. I honestly don't think it's for me being who I am. It gets easier as I get older because I have more responsibility and less time to think about it but I used to get really depressed about it when when I was younger. Even now I get a little sad but then I remember those loads of laundry I have and just redirect focus.

 

[Piff Perkins]

I find that it's easier to let that shyt just come to you. Nearly every girlfriend I've had came about by me just doing me, not really trying...and then shyt just happened. If you think too much about it it'll become an obsession.

In terms of dudes not looking to settle down...you kinda have to play that by ear. If he doesn't want to do jack shyt with you outside of fukk...chances are he's looking elsewhere too.

 

[philmonroe]

True things have changed. I can tell you a lot of guys in your age group aren't about settling down. I have older parents that were married at 21, society tells women you meet someone in college get engaged and get married like right after you graduate. I expected that for a while. It sets you up for failure because most guys aren't trying to settle down or even have a girlfriend. While there are some women who feel the same there are still a lot who don't, they end up settling for who ever will spend time with them. They let themselves be strung a long, and guys continue have their cake and eat it too.

Then you have women who like to play games too, play the field have fun, find themselves, and its nothing wrong with that but it just seems like those types of men and women don't date each other for some reason. They just end of hurting people and creating more people who play games. It's a cycle.

In this day and age of dating, I feel the most important thing for people to do, is stick to your guns. If you aren't trying to netflix and chill, don't. If you aren't trying to compete, don't. If you want a real relationship toss the person who doesn't want that in the bushes and don't try to change someone or settle for what they give you just to be with someone. Listen to the red flags. Don't put a timeline on yourself. Try to be friends first and take things slow, that weeds out people.

And yes, what you want will be hard to find. You will probably be single for a while and have to sift through a lot of bs. It will also challenge your beliefs about sex too, but if that's what you want then stick to it. Try to find others like you their are christian groups, christian singles. Around 25 was when I was over it and just single for a long time.

If you don't compete in some form you can't win period. No matter how you and others look at it you have to compete and risk losing or else you'll never win. I can agree with everything else and think most people honestly are just scarred and that's why they do the things do dating wise. That and they get shyt advice from books, the net, friends, and it don't work.

 

[Raava]

If you don't compete in some form you can't win period. No matter how you and others look at it you have to compete and risk losing or else you'll never win. I can agree with everything else and think most people honestly are just scarred and that's why they do the things do dating wise. That and they get shyt advice from books, the net, friends, and it don't work.

I don't agree. An individual should be striving to self improve, be successful in what they choose, have their shyt together on GP. That makes you a catch aside from personality. With that in mind in dating you should be upfornt, put your best real foot forward for what you want. You are showing what you have to offer a companion and the person either wants that, yall click or they don't.

I'm not going sit there while a guy puts me against another woman like she is doing this for me what are you going to do? I'm going to let her have him he is for what I can do not who I am. If OP is trying to wait till marriage and a guy is like I like you but this other woman is going to sleep with me so now what you gone do? She should sleep with him just so he might choose her? Nah they need to both move around. They are in 2 different pages want different things.

People are going to compare and contrast when dating and they should. Some people are better for some than others. Some people have things they need to work on and dating helps with that. But you shouldn't be trying to compete and win someone over by being something you aren't, compromising yourself or doing things you aren't going to keep up. Then they don't want you for you, you are never going to be enough and you will be replaced anyway.