A letter to … my wife, who won’t get a job while I work myself to death

[Koba St]

I remember the thrill of first seeing you at law school orientation. You were radiant in a sea of dour, nervous faces. It quickly became clear that you were kind, down-to-earth, engaging, loyal to family and friends. By graduation, we were inseparable. We took the bar exam and were married. The future looked bright – two freshly minted lawyers with supportive families and a dream of starting a family of our own some day.

I started my career with the gruelling hours and high stress that are traditionally visited on young lawyers. You were unexpectedly ambivalent about finding a good job – or any job. After gentle pressure from me, and more from the student loan payments, you puttered around in some non-legal positions more suited for someone with half your education and intelligence, and which offered commensurately low pay.

Pregnancy – something we both wanted – diverted you to the most important job in the world. After a few years, we were blessed with a second child. You have never returned to work, although both kids have been at school full-time for years, and our firstborn is heading to college soon.

I’ve asked, and sometimes pleaded, for years with you to get a job, any job

I’ve climbed the professional ladder reasonably well. We have the trappings of middle-class success – a nice house in a safe, quiet neighborhood; annual holidays; happy, healthy children; money saved for their college years. But it has come at enormous personal cost to me. My stress level has increased dramatically with added responsibilities at work and my health has deteriorated. People who haven’t seen me for years flinch when we meet again and I’ve attended more than one event at which I have overheard someone remarking on how much I’ve aged.

I don’t think I can do this for another 25 years. I often dream of leaving my firm for a less demanding position, with you making up any financial deficit with a job – even a modest one – of your own. I’ve asked, and sometimes pleaded, for years with you to get a job, any job. Many of my free hours are spent helping with the house and the kids, and I recognise that traditional gender roles are often oppressive, but that cuts both ways. I would feel less used and alone if you pitched in financially, even a little

.

That’s not going to happen. It has become clear that you are OK with my working myself to death at a high-stress career that I increasingly hate, as long as you don’t have to return to the workforce.

You keep busy volunteering, exercising and pursuing a variety of hobbies. You socialise with similarly situated women who also choose to remain outside the paid workforce. You all complain about various financial pressures, but never once consider, at least audibly, that you could alleviate the stress on both your budgets and your burnt-out husbands by earning some money yourselves.

Our family is grateful for all that we enjoy and we know that we’re far more fortunate than millions who work far harder than I ever have, or will. And I know all too well that work can be unpleasant. But I don’t want you to work so I can buy a Jaguar or a holiday home. I want you to work so I can get a different position and we can still maintain a similar standard of living.

I want you to get a job so I don’t wake up in the middle of the night worrying that my career is the only one between us and financial ruin. I want you to work so our marriage can feel more like a partnership and I can feel less like your financial beast of burden. I want our daughter to see you in the workforce and I want her to pursue a career so she is never as dependent on a man as you are on me, no matter how much he loves her (and he will).

But mostly I want you to get a job because I want to feel loved.

Anonymous
A letter to … my wife, who won’t get a job while I work myself to death
This is some powerful shyt

 

[The Coochie Assassin]

Sounds like he fucced up becoming a lawyer. That's not her fault.

 

[Arithmetic]

 

[Guile]

get married, brehs.

 

[BlackManLiveFromLondon]

#GMB 100 wins 0 losses

I never lied when I said this

 

[DreadBrown]

He sound like a bytch

I dont believe any man really wants his s/o to work if she dont want to

 

[West Coast Avenger]

It's his fault....he should have put his foot down to begin with but im sure he was spoiling her and enabling her....yeah he might have begged and pleaded..but he should have been demanding and given her an ultimatum....

 

[Disgustya Stallone]

Sounds like he fucced up becoming a lawyer. That's not her fault.

word, this idiot perpetuated this kind of behavior through 2 kids,

he got no one to blame but himself

 

[Kisame]

 

[cdc]

He's gotta step back from his ego and be honest with his wife and family. It's clear he's about 4-5 years in with a larger firm. When he started, like all first years, he thought he was hot shyt. After 4-5 years, he senses from the firm that he isn't going to make it to 7 years and become partner and will probably be out within a few months. As such, he looks for any reason to use as an excuse on why he wants to leave his job before he gets let go for the new, shiny first year who is likely 60k per year cheaper.

Nothing but ego. While he was coming up in the firm, I'm sure he bragged and looked down on people who couldn't afford to let their wife stay at home. His letter screams "look at my job" "look at my house" "look at my smart wife". Now that he senses he's about to be let go, he's looking for someone to blame that's not him - in this case, its his wife. Pathetic.

 

[Matt504]

Isn't this what men want when they talk about going back to traditional gender roles?

 

[CodeBlaMeVi]

Sounds like he fucced up becoming a lawyer. That's not her fault.

He found her in law school and they both passed the bar. He anticipated a two-income household. She swerved him and was like f it.

 

[Groanman]

 

[CodeBlaMeVi]

He's gotta step back from his ego and be honest with his wife and family. It's clear he's about 4-5 years in with a larger firm. When he started, like all first years, he thought he was hot shyt. After 4-5 years, he senses from the firm that he isn't going to make it to 7 years and become partner and will probably be out within a few months. As such, he looks for any reason to use as an excuse on why he wants to leave his job before he gets let go for the new, shiny first year who is likely 60k per year cheaper.

Nothing but ego. While he was coming up in the firm, I'm sure he bragged and looked down on people who couldn't afford to let their wife stay at home. His letter screams "look at my job" "look at my house" "look at my smart wife". Now that he senses he's about to be let go, he's looking for someone to blame that's not him - in this case, its his wife. Pathetic.

First you had me confused then I re-read.

 

[Theraflu]

TBH....I don't get women who the day they get pregnant that's it to their career.

I know they say it's best for the kids but I wonder how many were just lazy unambitious people in the first place ?

I get when kids are young....but I have always wondered what sort of person just says fukk it and NEVER goes back. to ANYTHING.

Those women are strange and they usually have some shmuck who is funding their lifestyle. So many women aspire to the 'real housewives' lifestyle but I wonder who the idiot is at the other end.

Minus financial, I always wonder what they DO especially after the kids leave...