Your just got hit with a false rape charge, and @Swagnificent is your lawyer...
the cac mamba
Veteran
"your honor, how could my client have raped her? the earth is flat 
"
"
With swags ability to have his arguments run around circles despite being wrong.
He might confuse the judge and juror that I'm innocent just off of being confused. And tiring them out
I was thinking the samething. Then I said “the judge would probably kick his smart dumbass out the courtroom or hold him in contempt for being a dumbfukk”
BlaqkSpliffin
Ni**as Still Weird - Me
The Judge gonna pull up his posts from the Coli and bush his ass and mine.
I might as well start practicing my hand to soap coordination.
I would be that judge. I wouldn’t even suffer that fool.
I would be that judge. I wouldn’t even suffer that fool.
Absolutely beating the case.
Let me take y'all on a journey of how it happened:
April 11th 2019
I walked into court in shackles, shyt was wild, plus I had virtually no money to afford a lawyer. They appointed a public defender, which I would have been able to rock with but the nikka had beijing on his hairline and that type of deception would already go against my trustworthiness at trial. I was at the end of my line, shyt was looking bleek; then I remembered something that changed the course of my life...and the criminal justice system...FOREVER.
I faked a measles outbreak and was able to get my arraignment postponed until the next day.
April 12th 2019 - Early Afternoon
It was close to lunch time; for court, that meant almost 1pm. I was in the holding cells with a lot of nikkas who were acting real froggy. Looking at me and shyt because I was a pretty 6'0+ light skin nikka w/ a chiseled face.
I was able to get nikkas distracted by informing nikkas I was Dr. Sebi's illegitimate 2nd cousin's nephew. Luckily, when the police tackled me when I was arrested, I was at the park so some blades of grass were jammed into my pockets. Had them nikkas bartering there toasted bologna sandwiched to get a sample of "Sebi Readies" as I called them. That placebo effect is real. My scheme was about to get exposed when one nikka tried to bend the cell bars after ingesting a 'Sebi Ready' grass blade and caught acid reflux and temporary carpal tunnel. He and his crew ran up on me but I bought a little more time when I had them thinking when I said, "Hold up, but did you get autism, though?" 
Just at that moment, the court officer called my name for my arraignment.
April 12th 2019 - A Swaggy Arraignment
To keep it a hunna, I knew my plan was a hail mary play. But, at the same time, for a humble Tennesee nikka like myself, I knew only one person who would view a hail mary as symbolic of effective game planning.
As I walked into the court room, the Mr. Beijing aka public defender walked up to me to shake my hand. I spit in that nikka's face and cleared my throat; at the top of my lungs, I shouted,
"THIS PROCEEDING IS A FARCE; I'M BEING FRAMED. I HAVE HISTORY ALTERING PROOF OF FLAT EARTH AND THEY ARE TRYING TO SILENCE ME!"
There was a big commotion, many people in the audience laughed and shyt, the judge was pounding his gavel and a court officer was reaching for his taser when, out of what seemed like thin air, this nikka @Swagnificent just pushed through the court doors and yelled - with the vocal power of Moses, himself - "Let my CLIENT GO."
The whole courtroom became silent. I broke away from the officers and bear hugged the nikka while I whispered,
"I've seen the edge...I've seen the edge and it is....glorious."
April 17th 2019
To keep it all the funky, this nikka is on one. Like, I legit feel sorry for this nikka. I mean, every time
I felt like the nikka was about to call me out on my bullshyt, he ate it up. I told this nikka
"Swag, all of the modern scientific calculations, to the un-examined eye, seem legit, which is why they can offer equations that prove the cac science of theory of relativity, gravity and globe shape; they are all dependent on the original mathematical foundation of 1+1=2. But, think, Swag, use your common sense, 1+1=2 is stupid! 1 finger plus 1 finger does not equal 2, it equals 6, because you have to ALSO count the three separate joints per finger!"
shyt, I had the nikka pull up a picture of a finger:
The look on his face, shyt was like, it confirmed all of his gut feelings. His cheeks became rosy on some weird shyt and the nikka let out a creepy whisper that sounded like he said, "Tatuuuuummm....." nikka is a real wierdo
Told him that with the new mathematical proofs, with a foundation of 1 + 1 = 6, every single algorithm PROVES the structure of a flat earth, gravity ain't nothing but the effect of the concentration of white people in a given area acting on the weight of an object and that nikka was sold.
September 12th 2019 - Swift Justice and Okie Dokes
Swag, ESQ was fully committed to the theory that this rape charge was an attempt by the sentient cybernetic Steve Jobs brain to silence me, the prophet of Flat Earthism. He knew, or atleast, he told me he knew the only way to get the truth out is by taking the blame himself and confessing to the crime. I can still remember him walking up to the podium, outstretching his arms and telling the judge my case must be dismissed because "I, swagnificient, aka Earl Thorne-Isdith Flathers, confess to the crime. I...will be imprisoned. so the truth can be set free."
AFTERMATH
.........
Oh shyt, my bad, I don't even know the aftermath, after I walked out and saw that nikka get let away, I went home and binge watched COSMOS with that cool ass nikka Neil Tyson Degrasse. Who knows where that nikka is now.
Let me take y'all on a journey of how it happened:
April 11th 2019
I walked into court in shackles, shyt was wild, plus I had virtually no money to afford a lawyer. They appointed a public defender, which I would have been able to rock with but the nikka had beijing on his hairline and that type of deception would already go against my trustworthiness at trial. I was at the end of my line, shyt was looking bleek; then I remembered something that changed the course of my life...and the criminal justice system...FOREVER.
I faked a measles outbreak and was able to get my arraignment postponed until the next day.
April 12th 2019 - Early Afternoon
It was close to lunch time; for court, that meant almost 1pm. I was in the holding cells with a lot of nikkas who were acting real froggy. Looking at me and shyt because I was a pretty 6'0+ light skin nikka w/ a chiseled face.
I was able to get nikkas distracted by informing nikkas I was Dr. Sebi's illegitimate 2nd cousin's nephew. Luckily, when the police tackled me when I was arrested, I was at the park so some blades of grass were jammed into my pockets. Had them nikkas bartering there toasted bologna sandwiched to get a sample of "Sebi Readies" as I called them. That placebo effect is real. My scheme was about to get exposed when one nikka tried to bend the cell bars after ingesting a 'Sebi Ready' grass blade and caught acid reflux and temporary carpal tunnel. He and his crew ran up on me but I bought a little more time when I had them thinking when I said, "Hold up, but did you get autism, though?" Just at that moment, the court officer called my name for my arraignment.
April 12th 2019 - A Swaggy Arraignment
To keep it a hunna, I knew my plan was a hail mary play. But, at the same time, for a humble Tennesee nikka like myself, I knew only one person who would view a hail mary as symbolic of effective game planning.
As I walked into the court room, the Mr. Beijing aka public defender walked up to me to shake my hand. I spit in that nikka's face and cleared my throat; at the top of my lungs, I shouted,"THIS PROCEEDING IS A FARCE; I'M BEING FRAMED. I HAVE HISTORY ALTERING PROOF OF FLAT EARTH AND THEY ARE TRYING TO SILENCE ME!"
There was a big commotion, many people in the audience laughed and shyt, the judge was pounding his gavel and a court officer was reaching for his taser when, out of what seemed like thin air, this nikka @Swagnificent just pushed through the court doors and yelled - with the vocal power of Moses, himself - "Let my CLIENT GO."
The whole courtroom became silent. I broke away from the officers and bear hugged the nikka while I whispered,
"I've seen the edge...I've seen the edge and it is....glorious."
April 17th 2019
To keep it all the funky, this nikka is on one. Like, I legit feel sorry for this nikka. I mean, every time
I felt like the nikka was about to call me out on my bullshyt, he ate it up. I told this nikka"Swag, all of the modern scientific calculations, to the un-examined eye, seem legit, which is why they can offer equations that prove the cac science of theory of relativity, gravity and globe shape; they are all dependent on the original mathematical foundation of 1+1=2. But, think, Swag, use your common sense, 1+1=2 is stupid! 1 finger plus 1 finger does not equal 2, it equals 6, because you have to ALSO count the three separate joints per finger!"
shyt, I had the nikka pull up a picture of a finger:
The look on his face, shyt was like, it confirmed all of his gut feelings. His cheeks became rosy on some weird shyt and the nikka let out a creepy whisper that sounded like he said, "Tatuuuuummm....."
nikka is a real wierdoTold him that with the new mathematical proofs, with a foundation of 1 + 1 = 6, every single algorithm PROVES the structure of a flat earth, gravity ain't nothing but the effect of the concentration of white people in a given area acting on the weight of an object and that nikka was sold.
September 12th 2019 - Swift Justice and Okie Dokes
Swag, ESQ was fully committed to the theory that this rape charge was an attempt by the sentient cybernetic Steve Jobs brain to silence me, the prophet of Flat Earthism. He knew, or atleast, he told me he knew the only way to get the truth out is by taking the blame himself and confessing to the crime. I can still remember him walking up to the podium, outstretching his arms and telling the judge my case must be dismissed because "I, swagnificient, aka Earl Thorne-Isdith Flathers, confess to the crime. I...will be imprisoned. so the truth can be set free."
AFTERMATH
.........
Oh shyt, my bad, I don't even know the aftermath, after I walked out and saw that nikka get let away, I went home and binge watched COSMOS with that cool ass nikka Neil Tyson Degrasse. Who knows where that nikka is now.
Last edited:
TaxCollector13459
2018 Coli Rookie of the Year
Absolutely beating the case.
Let me take y'all on a journey of how it happened:
April 11th 2019
I walked into court in shackles, shyt was wild, plus I had virtually no money to afford a lawyer. They appointed a public defender, which I would have been able to rock with but the nikka had beijing on his hairline and that type of deception would already go against my trustworthiness as trial. I was at the end of my line, shyt was looking bleek; then I remembered something that changed the course of my life...and the criminal justice system...FOREVER.
I faked a measles outbreak and was able to get my arraignment postponed until the next day.
April 12th 2019 - Early Afternoon
It was close to lunch time; for court, that meant almost 1pm. I was in the holding cells with a lot of nikkas who were acting real froggy. Looking at me and shyt because I was a pretty 6'0+ light skin nikka w/ a chiseled face.
Just at that moment, the court officer called my name for my arraignment.
April 12th 2019 - A Swaggy Arraignment
To keep it a hunna, I knew my plan was a hail mary play. But, at the same time, for a humble Tennesee nikka like myself, I knew only one person who would view a hail mary as symbolic of effective game planning.
"THIS PROCEEDING IS A FARCE; I'M BEING FRAMED. I HAVE HISTORY ALTERING PROOF OF FLAT EARTH AND THEY ARE TRYING TO SILENCE ME!"
There was a big commotion, many people in the audience laughed and shyt, the judge was pounding his gavel and a court officer was reaching for his taser when, out of what seemed like thin air, this nikka @Swagnificent just pushed through the court doors and yelled - with the vocal power of Moses, himself - "Let my CLIENT GO."
The whole courtroom became silent. I broke away from the officers and bear hugged the nikka while I whispered,
"I've seen the edge...I've seen the edge and it is....glorious."
April 17th 2019
To keep it all the funky, this nikka is on one. Like, I legit feel sorry for this nikka. I mean, every time
"Swag, all of the modern scientific calculations, to the un-examined eye, seem legit, which is why they can offer equations that prove the cac science of theory of relativity, gravity and globe shape; they are all dependent on the original mathematical foundation of 1+1=2. But, think, Swag, use your common sense, 1+1=2 is stupid! 1 finger plus 1 finger does not equal 2, it equals 6, because you have to ALSO count the three separate joints per finger!"
shyt, I had the nikka pull up a picture of a finger:
The look on his face, shyt was like, it confirmed all of his gut feelings. His cheeks became rosy on some weird shyt and the nikka let out a creepy whisper that sounded like he said, "Tatuuuuummm....."
Told him that with the new mathematical proofs, with a foundation of 1 + 1 = 6, every single algorithm PROVES the structure of a flat earth, gravity ain't nothing but the effect of the concentration of white people in a given area acting on the weight of an object and that nikka was sold.
September 12th 2019 - Swift Justice and Okie Dokes
Swag, ESQ was fully committed to the theory that this rape charge was an attempt by the sentient cybernetic Steve Jobs brain to silence me, the prophet of Flat Earthism. He knew, or atleast, he told me he knew the only way to get the truth out is by taking the blame himself and confessing to the crime. I can still remember him walking up to the podium, outstretching his arms and telling the judge my case must be dismissed because "I, swagnificient, aka Earl Thorne-Isdith Flathers, confess to the crime. I...will be imprisoned. so the truth can be set free."
AFTERMATH
.........
Oh shyt, my bad, I don't even know the aftermath, after I walked out and saw that nikka get let away, I went home and binge watched COSMOS with that cool ass nikka Neil Tyson Degrasse. Who knows where that nikka is now.
Marc Spector
the 4'11 Cuban
Depends, is the judge also a shamelessly delusional Kobe stan?
Depends, is the judge also a shamelessly delusional Kobe stan?
What type of women is accusing us?
Is it a lightskin or darkskin
Cause if it's lightskin. Then in no way we winning
Going off swags logic. He will support the idea of you raping her
" Your honor... Look at my client's accuser . She is a beautiful lightskin Black women...
Any man, will attempt too rape her, including you. So can you blame my client for doing what anyone here would do.... I rest my case"
And this nikka would absolutely do this
Is it a lightskin or darkskin
Cause if it's lightskin. Then in no way we winning
Going off swags logic. He will support the idea of you raping her
" Your honor... Look at my client's accuser . She is a beautiful lightskin Black women...
Any man, will attempt too rape her, including you. So can you blame my client for doing what anyone here would do.... I rest my case"
And this nikka would absolutely do this
I'd be sentenced immediately.
Once that judge realizes Swag said he'd groom a 10 year old girl like she was a first round draft pick until she's coming of age, I'd be found guilty.
Then when the judge finds out that Swag said AIDS is a myth and created by the white man, is be sentenced to death.
Hell, I'd probably be sentenced to a life of torture once they realize that my lawyer said he'd "have a hard time not raping this bytch".
Once that judge realizes Swag said he'd groom a 10 year old girl like she was a first round draft pick until she's coming of age, I'd be found guilty.
Then when the judge finds out that Swag said AIDS is a myth and created by the white man, is be sentenced to death.
Hell, I'd probably be sentenced to a life of torture once they realize that my lawyer said he'd "have a hard time not raping this bytch".
SuperNintendo Chalmers
Send it to the friggin moon idiot
The only person he would defend with a modicum of competency is Kobe Bryant. 
Silver Surfer
Veteran
Its over for you...