"Welcome to the TSCMania Countdown Show! It's only hours away, so if you haven't done so already, please hit Buy on your remote control to order the Showcase of the IWC Immortals!
The show starts with a preshow on TSC.com, featuring a healthy mix of veterans and newcomers vying for Colicash in the Bank! Who will win this year's briefcase?
And then, live on PPV, is the biggest spectacle in IWC entertainment! On the undercard, we will have a battle for Canadian Supremacy, a doppleganger war, a battle of whiners, a Cena lover vs a Cena hater, an HBK stan vs a Hitman stan, a grudge match, and a battle of swag! Wow!
Then, on the midcard, a years-long feud will be settled, followed by a vet-rookie showdown, then the Euro title is up for grabs, followed by a Divas... err, ladies' match that should knock your socks off!! Ooh lala indeed!
Next is a battle of perverts, a cena stan vs a South American, then an epic 8 man elimination tag match!
Hold the phone if you think we're done at that point, because we'll only be halfway through! Then comes a battle of 2 more pervs, err women admirers, then the .gif championship! Then a battle of ring technicians, followed by an epic Hell in the Cell matchup which may provide more blood than sweat! I kid you not TSC Universe!
Finally, if you still have any gas left in the tank, we will arrive at the upper card. Whew, I hope you stick around for that! We'll have a vicious no DQ match, a daydreamer vs a Randy stan, then a battle of 2 top contenders that may define the next
#1 contender!
And just when you think you've had your fill, we will close the show with a DOUBLE MAIN EVENT!
First, a match for the TSC title! The champ has been on a solid reign, but now he faces a challenger who has won world titles at 3 different promotions! Although retroactively for one. But none of those accomplishments compare to what he's about to fight for tonight. No sir, the TSC Title is hands down the most prestigious title in ALL of professional wrestling, real or imaginary. Will the Immortal One win his biggest prize yet? Or will the champ, who is also the GM, continue his respectable reign? Find out by ordering TSCMania!
And finally, we will end the night with the grudge match to end all grudge matches. A rivalry more heated than OJ Simpson vs Ron Goldman's dad. More vicious than the Ayatollah vs Ronald Reagan. More epic than God vs Satan.
Will Sweet Chin Music save the day? Or will Autism score its greatest victory since Dustin Hoffman won Best Actor?
We will see you tonight, on PPV! This is Todd Pettengil, telling you to order now!"