These last few months have been emotionally kicking my butt.
I lost someone I loved very much to cancer. I discovered that I'm not really a fan of my mom's personality. I have been sick for 2 weeks, just now starting to feel better.The election happened. I started my cycle yesterday.
I feel sad.
I don't understand why this is the timeline I'm on. There is no goodness here. I don't wanna be here.
Life here is this endless cycle of fighting to keep the world from eating and using you. Almost every interaction is a battle to see who can use the other person more or who can dominate.
And then when you do wanna be selflessly, you're helpless.
People are awful creatures. The only way to maintain relationships is to either keep it superficial or put up with endless amounts of bullshyt.
The stupidity is the worst. OMG the lack of communication or the way people just simply do not listen will drive you fukking crazy.
I just wanna small home that is reasonable to maintain with a little land (not too much). And I just wanna be alone and at peace. Probably have a dog or 2. Have the freedom to try new things whenever I want and interact with people only when I want.
Let the world do what it is going to do.