Man, lately Ive been so fukking off my game. No confidence, no rhythm.... its like Im questioning what I say, as Im speaking. been \ a 2 week long acid trip. I have no answers, just questions. Every thought leads to an unrelated thought. There is no order to my life. Its this wild ass ginseng tea man. At first I felt more relaxed, and I thought that would lead to more focus. But I I've been moving with no instinct. Like, imagine if you never felt the need to do anything. I don't need to eat more then twice a day, because Im always relaxed. There are no answers. Even as I'm typing this, I'm thinking, what if this is the real me, and I just need to give it more time?
All of this to quell social anxiety. Maybe that anxiety was there for a reason
Maybe its hard to admit, that anxiety is a tool that I do need, and some people don't
And if I was back in my zone, I would never admit that, and I would be wrong.... but I miss that shortsightedness. Because when you see the bigger picture, everything is changing all the time