Essential The Locker Room's Random Thoughts
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SeveroDrgnfli
Ain't nobody tryin to get indicted.
My boss told I'm one skill set away from being able to work in fine dining. I knew that already, but it's good to hear from someone who's been there. This shyt is fukking hard man. It takes constant self-control under pressure. Its fukking very difficult to remain calm at all times. That's why I'm a professional. I don't make excuses even if I fukk up real bad. I own that shyt and turn into an opportunity to improve. My entire body hurts. I don't know why I'm so sensitive right now. I guess my feeling are hurt too. HAHA, not really, but hey, nobody reads this shyt anyway.
I find it funny when people accuse me of wanting validation from other people by posting on here. Naw, I'm a writer, I need a space to write. As a kid I used to write letters to myself and hide them. I used to write letters to imaginary people. I don't write anything for anyone to read. I write to express my thoughts and organize my feelings. Seeing them in front of me helps me make sense of them. Someone who doesn't write will never understand a writer. I have a million things to say at all times. I just don't want to talk to anyone about it because it's not up for discussion. These are my thoughts and feelings, my opinion, my opinion isn't a debatable fact. My feelings don't have to be like anyone's else's because they are my feelings.
The older I get the less I speak and the more I write. As a kid I wrote creative stories about friendship and being brave. I wrote a play in 6th grade. In Jr High I wrote so well I got an invitation to take a writing class at Cal. I remember my English teacher told me I write how I speak and it's terrible. She's right, hahaha, I can't help it. It's a shyt way to write, but I write as I speak.
There are many rules in writing. To stay good at it you have to practice all the rules. I think the old me would think the new me is a retard. I used to put a lot of stock in my intelligence for obvious reasons. My test scores were next level, I coasted through AP classes and science academies. I got nominated for a president's award. I think I tested in the top 5 percent of the nation or the state in english and science. I write all my friends' cover letters too. Which is funny because they have fancy college degrees but I'm the one writing a lot of their essays. LMAO I actually won an award indirectly for a cover letter I wrote to get my home girl a job working for congress.
When I think about myself. I see a massive waste of potential. No matter what I do in my life I could have been greater. And that's why i'll never be happy with myself. I struggle with suicide because this life doesn't mean shyt to me. I swear to god, I cut myself and it doesn't bother me. I just stare at it and watch it bleed. I'm legitimately numb. I enjoy pain because it reminds me I'm alive. I like danger for the same reason and if I get fukked up, it doesn't matter.
I'll be buried, if I'm lucky, in a hole with no headstone. Everything I do in life is for not because it ends with me and I don't give a fukk. So what's the point of this bullshiut?
To feel like this, all the time. I'm exhausted man. 20 years of this feeling. I was reading my therapist's reports of me when I was a kid and I haven't changed since like 7 years old. Emotionally, I just don't fukk with anyone. My therapist wrote that I'm an adult at 7, which is alarming, because a child shouldn't be taking care of themselves.
Yeah well, I didn't have the luxury of someone taking care of me so I had to grow up real fast. The moment I woke up locked in a fukking cage was that moment for me. I knew I had to kill myself or refuse to die because if I trust anyone they will kill or exploit me. I was right too. I remember having that thought and making a decision. I haven't changed since that day.
I remember when my big bro and I were actually tight. In the orphanage. It was little weird, we slept in the same bed and shyt. Nothing weird happened, but we slept very close to eachother with our backs together so nobody could sneak up on us. I remember thinking if me and my big bro stick together we'll be okay. I think we would have been too. shyt changes though, and here we are.
I'm never sure how I feel. It's very tiring.
I find it funny when people accuse me of wanting validation from other people by posting on here. Naw, I'm a writer, I need a space to write. As a kid I used to write letters to myself and hide them. I used to write letters to imaginary people. I don't write anything for anyone to read. I write to express my thoughts and organize my feelings. Seeing them in front of me helps me make sense of them. Someone who doesn't write will never understand a writer. I have a million things to say at all times. I just don't want to talk to anyone about it because it's not up for discussion. These are my thoughts and feelings, my opinion, my opinion isn't a debatable fact. My feelings don't have to be like anyone's else's because they are my feelings.
The older I get the less I speak and the more I write. As a kid I wrote creative stories about friendship and being brave. I wrote a play in 6th grade. In Jr High I wrote so well I got an invitation to take a writing class at Cal. I remember my English teacher told me I write how I speak and it's terrible. She's right, hahaha, I can't help it. It's a shyt way to write, but I write as I speak.
There are many rules in writing. To stay good at it you have to practice all the rules. I think the old me would think the new me is a retard. I used to put a lot of stock in my intelligence for obvious reasons. My test scores were next level, I coasted through AP classes and science academies. I got nominated for a president's award. I think I tested in the top 5 percent of the nation or the state in english and science. I write all my friends' cover letters too. Which is funny because they have fancy college degrees but I'm the one writing a lot of their essays. LMAO I actually won an award indirectly for a cover letter I wrote to get my home girl a job working for congress.
When I think about myself. I see a massive waste of potential. No matter what I do in my life I could have been greater. And that's why i'll never be happy with myself. I struggle with suicide because this life doesn't mean shyt to me. I swear to god, I cut myself and it doesn't bother me. I just stare at it and watch it bleed. I'm legitimately numb. I enjoy pain because it reminds me I'm alive. I like danger for the same reason and if I get fukked up, it doesn't matter.
I'll be buried, if I'm lucky, in a hole with no headstone. Everything I do in life is for not because it ends with me and I don't give a fukk. So what's the point of this bullshiut?
To feel like this, all the time. I'm exhausted man. 20 years of this feeling. I was reading my therapist's reports of me when I was a kid and I haven't changed since like 7 years old. Emotionally, I just don't fukk with anyone. My therapist wrote that I'm an adult at 7, which is alarming, because a child shouldn't be taking care of themselves.
Yeah well, I didn't have the luxury of someone taking care of me so I had to grow up real fast. The moment I woke up locked in a fukking cage was that moment for me. I knew I had to kill myself or refuse to die because if I trust anyone they will kill or exploit me. I was right too. I remember having that thought and making a decision. I haven't changed since that day.
I remember when my big bro and I were actually tight. In the orphanage. It was little weird, we slept in the same bed and shyt. Nothing weird happened, but we slept very close to eachother with our backs together so nobody could sneak up on us. I remember thinking if me and my big bro stick together we'll be okay. I think we would have been too. shyt changes though, and here we are.
I'm never sure how I feel. It's very tiring.
I thought the lens on my surveillance cam was cracked. It was just a spider web 
Hoodoo Child
The Urban Legend
Chasing validation will always destroy you. "Rubber on wheels are way faster than rubber on heels"
Lightnin' told me me that
Lightnin' told me me that
Aceofspades404
Superstar
Hello ruby red lips
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